when is therapy suppose to start helping?

[yellowpiXi3]

i have been to therapy for about a month now; and i left another therapist to go with this one. but it seems that after i have therapy the thoughts in my head seem more intense and real (when they are not). i want to learn how to control my anxiety and anger. anger i'm progressing on. but the anxiety and insecurity are taking over my life completely. i don't know what to do any more. i have meds that i take for such things but i want to know how i can stop those thoughts from coming to my head to begin with. i am tired of hurting people around me. i am tired of being upset at EVERY little thing. i know that its presumptious to say that therapy isn't helping but my question is WHEN will it start?

anyone out there know how long therapy will take to start kicking in. should i tell my therapist about how i feel? my bf says don't give up on it. and I WONT and don't want to give up. becuase i REALLY am tired of loosing people. and god knows how many friends or guys i will go through until my problems are fixed.

[WildChild]

I think this depends on a number of things; you, the therapist, what you are dealing with, what is going on in addition.

Consider it this way - how long did it take you to get to this point? Bet it wasn't overnight. Sometimes a therapist (or someone or something else) can help up get to those ah-ha moments when we come to a realization and find some part of out understanding or thinking immediately changed. A good therapist can assist you with different ways to see and/or do things. Sometimes it takes trying several before you find the one that is right for you.

You may never completely stop the thoughts but you will learn to respond differently. Do be honest with your therapist, they need to know.

You are a good, caring woman. Keep working on it, you'll get there!

[ThexMrs]

I can relate to that very well. Whenever I leave a counseling appointment I am furious. I think what it is, is that we are talking about the pain, the anger, the feelings that we don't typically talk about and so we are drumming up those feelings and feeling them. In time I would assume that this would change. Talk to your therapist about this.

I've been in counseling since I was 8 years old. I am now 21 and I don't feel that it has helped me much at all. It's just someone to talk to but at times I feel like coming on this site helps me so much more.

[WildChild]

When my last marriage was breaking up, I was in counseling, my ex went a few times and stopped-decided I was the one who needed help. That was interesting because the counselor seemed to think my biggest issue was that I hadn't left years before, or that I'd married the man in the first place. LOL. I seem to be able to judge people pretty well as long as they aren't in MY life, then it just goes out the wndow.

Anyway the counselor and I had a couple of talks about the counseling profession. His take was pretty blunt. He said there were a lot of people in it who were drawn to it because they were trying to solve their own issues (A couple freinds of mine are counselors as well and confirmed this) that they were not competent and at best did little good and at worst could create some real messes and drag things out for years. He essentially stated that his particular philosophy was provide tools to change behavior and to allow the person seeking help to move on and accomplish what they wanted as quickly as was healthy. He would not deal with people who wanted to spend years wallowing in it (some people want just that).

There are different schools of thought in the counseling/psyc profession. Really some guy (they do all seem to be men) starts studying, comes up with his own ideas and has enough sway to gain some adhearants and poof - new branch. Some stick around longer than others, seems Freud really got it going and look at some of the goofy ideas he had! The psyco analyst movement seemed to be based on take all your money, keep you wallowing in it for as long as possible, made you dependant on a therapist. Not a bad system as long as you weren't the client, LOL.

The thing is you have to interview the counselors. You are planning to employ them to assist you in a certain job. They aren't mind readers, they aren't gods, some of them aren't very well balanced themselves (I've dealt with a couple where we ended up disscussing their problems, with me giving them suggestions for what they could do- and I was paying for it LOL) You have to know what you want to accomplish, what your parameters are, mine were that I want to move forward, I know there is a load of stuff in my past, I've mostly dealt with it and wasn't interested in revisiting. The counselor helped me set goals, gave me some accountablity and yanked the reins when I started digressing. He gave me a clear picture of just how much more negative the situation I'd been living in was than I'd thought, and flat out asked me things like, "Why are you still in this relationship? Why didn't you leave years ago?"

But when we started the counseling process, he told me up front what his approach was and what he would and wouldn't do (help move foreward - no wallowing and living in the past). I would say hands down this guy was the best I've dealt with: realistic, down to earth, no bs. And he really helped me see and do what I already knew I needed to.

You have to find who is the right fit and you may have to go through several interviews to get there. It's worth it. Ever been to mechanic after mechanic, getting charged for stuff you didn't need, not having your car really fixed? Finding a good counselor or therapist is like finding a good mechanic. They have to know your type of car, not just your freinds, they have to honest, their goal has to be to get your car in the best running order for the most reasonable price - not to keep you coming back week after week. And to further this analogy, as the car gets older it's going to have certain little quirks, not everything will work perfectly and it isn't always worth spending the time and money to try to make it perfect. You want it safe and drivable. You want you happy enough, well adjusted enough, and functional enough to get through your life as a productive and positive life force - you'll never be perfect and you don't have to be like anyone or everyone else!

[yellowpiXi3]

the first one i went to i felt that she was more concerned about my money. she kept talking about payment and things like that. the new one i am going to seems to not really care about it. she starts off asking if there is anything specific i want to talk about; then she tells me how to deal with it. she said she is still getting to know me; and the more i bring her stuff about me the better it will help her to help me. when i went to the first therapist; i didn't really feel anything. the new one i am going to now; i feel lighter each time. and my bf said it was a good thing that i feel lighter each time. and also my new therapist kinda makes me realize where my issues stem from. (my childhood and family) i dont know if that's a good thing or not.

[WildChild]

Sounds like you are on the right track. You do have to name your "stuff'., look it in the eye (stick your tongue out at it). Just don't curl up and start living there. Good therapists, in my experience, usually ask lots of questions. They get you exploring for yourself, what do you really feel? What do you really want? Why? Sometimes they may make statements that startle you, trying to get you thinking.I've had some real ah-ha moments from that. Kind of like a slap. My first reaction was, "No. Wait a minute, you're right!" Kind of like in George of the Jungle when Jessica realized she loves him.

You do start to feel lighter. It takes time to establish new behaviors and new ways of thinking. You can do it!

[Rosebud85]

It's important to find a therapist you are 100% comfortable with. A good therapistwill help will not only listen and give you feed back but point you to other tools and resources to help learn the skills that you are lacking. I know it takes a lot of trial and error to find someone like this.