Fiance is depressed. Need some advice

[Aariah]

My fiancé is depressed, He did see a therapist about 2 years ago and she told him he should go on antidepressants. One theme I have noticed through reading some of these "my husband is depressed" is that they all seem to blame their wives. While my fiancé has been depressed for most of the 5 years we have been together and it has gotten worse as he has acquired more responsibility, he has blamed me for some of his depression. I am lucky though because my fiancé is logical nature has made him admit that I am not the cause of his depression. He says he is grasping at straws to make himself feel better. And we have both, through tons of talking, figured out that he hates his job and it is making him so very depressed. He has finally agreed to go on antidepressants. His appointment is on Monday. I was hoping to find out what to expect from him after the medicine takes affect. Will he be happy? How much difference should I expect?

Also my fuse with his depression is getting very short. I love him to death I am there for him 100% but when he gets really down and starts to blame me again I have been either turning it around and telling him exactly why he feels like he does, or telling him he can believe whatever he wants. I really have no one to talk to about this because my fiancé is a proud man and I know he would hate for anyone to know about this. How can I stop this reaction?

[WildChild]

It would be better if he make some life style changes, like a different job or some better coping skills for the one he has? My ex was on several different antidepressants. Being analytical he observed that they create a feeling of detachment, rather like watching your life instead of feeling it. They aren't happy pills, they seem to flat line people more than anything. They can effect sex drive, responsiveness and are being used for pain management too.
How about a good counselor instead of pills?

[Aariah]

He is against going back to a therapist at least for now. We both agree that the pills are not a lifetime fix. We hope that they will give him the ability to want to make the changes, whereas now he feels so helpless that he feels nothing matters.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There are no "quick" fixes for anything, so in your asking of how much of a change can you expect, I would hazzed at a guess, none to start with, whilst he adjusts to medication and then probably not much for a while, because the medication won't make him see the World as a fantastic place, his life as a fantastic opportunity, only he can work with his mind to change those thoughts, perhaps with a little help from you.

Don't expect changes, rather know that he is getting help and that's a good start.

He does need to either cope with his job or change it, if this is stressing him and making him more depressed then it's a problem that isn't going to go away... Is there anyway he can do that?

CW

[Aariah]

I think that he is open to changing jobs, and I believe that this will be a great help to his depression

[Joy]

You are correct in saying that his depression is not your fault nor your blame. He is a smart man to realize that his depression is his and he can't blame others for his own thoughts and feelings that he keeps playing over and over in his head. Part of the depression is the distorted thoughts and blame external instead of looking inside.

My bf suffers from depression and he has come along way in the 5 years we have been togther. It was a nightmare in the beginning his emotions were erratic and he was so cranky and mean. He hated himself and therefore he hated me too. I got to sit there and watch him be MR Happy when his friends were around and when we were alone all he did was complain about everything and everyone. After awhile it got very depressing for me... then i had realized i had begun to really take on his baggage. I had to let that go and realize that it was not my battle of depression it was his and i could be there and help him cope and had much love and support but I could not fight his battle.

YOur BF has to fight his doubts, fears and disbeleifs and find inner balance and you are not the root cause of it.

Help him change his diet if he is a big sugar or junkfood junkie.... get him out walking or get him to join a sport of something that get s his body moving. He has to get out there and help his body feel good get his hormones and body chemicals moving.

I hate what the pills do to my BF they do flat line him most of the time emotionally. His brain is addicted to them and makes what he describes as sucking noises when he forgets his meds.

I love my bf very much but somedays its hard cause he feels so down and its hard to feel good when your partner is down. They get a lil bitter and sometimes misery wants company and looks for a fight lol

I wish you good luck with this and hope your bf feels better soon.

[OhThereYouAre]

How is his sex drive?

For the past year, during the winter months I get mildly depressed. I went to the doc and got a blood test and found that I had low levels of testosterone during those months. He attributed it to the colder, shorter days and my decrease in testosterone boosting activity (weight lifting, cardiovascular activity).

Have your guy tested for his test levels...if they are indeed low, its an easy and permanent fix. Good luck to you folks.

Trust me, a little bit of testosterone will do a man WONDERS. I promise you that.

[WildChild]

Yes, it's the male wonder substance! Low testosterone can be caused by a number of factors, some deadly. It's always a good idea to get a physical and have this checked.