in love with 2 men help!!

[crazykkcatkate]

Help!! i don't know what to do. i am in love with two different men. i have been friends with one for the past 4 years but last novemeber we decided to give things a shot as a couple. things were going great and the sex was amasing but then he moved away to work and i heard he had a new girl. it broke my heart, because he means so much to me and i love him. i called him everything and then stopped talking to him but i am constantly thinking about him. I was getting over him and in january i met this lovely guy on a dating website. we met up and instantly i fell for him, he is good looking and has a great sense of humour. we started going out and things were going great until he lost his job and starting having family problems. he then went into a depression spending all day in bed and not seeing anyone. i tried to help him through this and he seems to be getting there and is getting things together now. hes got himself a new job and apartment but now im going away to Switzerland to work for a year and he feels he won't be able for a long distance relationship. he says he cares greatly about me and that we should stay friends but its breaking my heart because i love him too. Then a few weeks ago the other guy texted me saying he was back and wanted to get back together. he then invited me away to Italy on holiday with him and the next thing i know hes cancelled the holiday and is "sorry" but he can't get the time off because he needs to get his career back on track. i honestly love both of these guys and im constantly thinking about them both but they see there jobs and careers as more important than me. i still regularly talk to them both but i can't take much more of it because its breaking my heart that neither of them seem to care the way i do. how do i stop loving these guys??

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, the first guy, as soon as he moved, moved ON..

The second guy, has no total belief in love or else he would give long distance a go, "I am in one"...

The first guy, wasn't happy with what he moved on with, so thought he made a bad choice, but he made a promise he can't keep, finances.

You I don't think love both rather so much want love, sorry that's my feel.

Their careers aren't more imporant than you, rather, your caring, loving, giving, they do what they do and see that it doesn't work and come back... Then they go again.

Neither understand commitment and neither are good for you.

Let them both go and find someone when you go to Switzerland whom loves you for you, every bit and part of you...

It's not wrong to be in love and to love two men but let me say this, let's say you had to make a decision which one?

Let's say you had to sacrifice not going to Switzerland for one of them would you?

Love is so beautiful but it can be found again.

I think you would still go to Switzerland and I think you have so much love to give, good for you...

Use it wisely.

CW

[WildChild]

I agree with CW that you seem to want love than to actually be in it. Why not back off both these guys and spend some time on you? It sounds like you are an attractive and good woman so they want to flatter themselves that you would like to be with them but aren't so into you that they are willing to do what is really needed to make it happen. Put your energy into your life, your career and getting to where you want to be, then you can find a man who fits Your life instead of you fitting theirs.

[happy ending]

i agree with WC and CW, you seem to need love and i hope you find it on your own terms, rather than being a fallback to these selfish men.

[SecondGuess]

I agree with Chandlers Wish. Both men aren't exactly sure of what they want, and (no offense) but I don't think they love you the way you love them.

You need to find someone that is not willing to make you sacrifice something like Switerland just to stay and be their gf. I'm in a long distance relationship currently and my bf supports every single decision I make. Like CW said, would you give up the chance for either one of these guys?

[ren_07]

I've been in a similar situation. Especially with guy number one. As soon as you find happiness, he took advantage of the fact that he never gave you closure and asks for you back when it's convenient for HIM.

Guy number two seems a bit more complicated. If he hadn't changed from the guy you met at the start, whom you claim to have fallen in love with instantly, then you most likely would not be confused. But he threw you a curve ball as life often does. Which he further stretches by claiming a long distance relationship cannot work. I believe he says this not because it's the honest truth, but to discourage you from going away for a year. That's quite a difficult strain on anyone and with him coming out of a depression, he's probably going to take a blow by not seeing someone who cared for him that he's relied upon for so long.

My advice to you is to analize these situations. Do you really want someone who is unreliable and cannot keep to his word? Do you really want someone who selfishly does not want what is best for you and your happiness by making you choose between a career choice and a relationship to benefit himself?

Shut the door to these men. Grow a backbone, pack up your bags, and find that man of your dreams in Switzerland. Love is not selfish, love is patient and kind. It's time that someone gave to you what you give to others and actually RECEIVE something in return.

[Juda2oo9]

You gotta let em go honey..... both of them.........
it hurts but you'll be fine in the long run.........
the first guy is straight playing you, and the other is at least honest enough to tell you long distance isnt going to work......
take care of YOURSELF for once hun and do YOU on this work trip. dont worry about men.
take time to grow.....then you'll meet a awsome guy.