Getting more depressed and don't know what to do.

[maxxyknight]

Some of you may know my story and some may not. Long story short... was married for 13 plus years, have two children (now 14 and 10), separated in 2007, divorced in 2008, met a guy in 2008. Fell in love, had a misscarriage, ... then found out the guy was a fraud, he told me many many many lies, like having a brother, not, his father dying, not the mother of his son commiting suicide, not, cheated on me the whole time we were together and while i was at work, stole from me (pawn rings, camera, my sons psp and gave my sons brand new ipod (for xmas) to his ex wife (separated fm not divorced) cost me thousands of dollars (about 10,000), i'm in debt my hydro being threaten to cut off, my gas is cut off, (thank god its not winter) ex is complaining about not getting his child support for the month...i used it to pay for hydro and buy food (cuz i have my kids for the next two weeks then off a week then another two weeks again). Even though he makes triple what i make ( i make about 30 grand a year he makes 80 plus has a pension fm military), has two vehicles, has the house, kids, girlfriend (who makes just as much as him and is lving with him) is renovating the house and just bought a camper and rents a campsite for it...he complained that i told him i was going to be a few weeks late paying him, i explained my situation to him totally and he said he didn't care... that it was my turn with the kids and to deal with it or he takes me to court to get the money. This is a type A personality who is very tight when it comes to money (hence one of the reasons i left).... and aside from bills and such my mind is going back to the time when i was depressed alot (to the point of atempt suicide, cutting etc) .. feeling of lost hope.. and before you ask no i have no support system. my only good friend is overseas right now and my family lives 2 hours away (can't afford the gas to go there). and trying to find a doctor/pysch to help that is covered by my insurance is hard enough. just feeling that hope is not there for me right now with no one to talk to. Aside from the ex boyfriend leaving in end august (cuz he is still paying me back till then so i'm not letting him out of my sight, is only a roommate now)So i'm hoping this "sounding board" has some advice good or not.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey sweet, you have suffered enough naturally, you would be depressed and I couldn't comprehend not having gas, hot water I am so sorry.

I don't get why "you have to pay child support full stop?"...

Why if he is earning so much money and your not are you stuck with those payments and why didn't you get a good payout from Divorce?

I am sad also that this guy "even though he owes you money" is still living in your home but August is not that far away and at that point, see if you can get a border to also continue paying and help out with the bills and rent/mortgage.

Don't let this ex husband make idol threats, do you seriously think that the Judge knowing that you are on a much lower income, your gas is cut off, and you still tend for the children that he would go against you? No, he would say something like $5 a week to repay it back, if that even, whilst telling your ex-husband to grow balls.

My ex was tight with money and I paid for everything, wish I could get that back too but alas, we learn hey love.

Hang in there okay...

Your ex-husband manipulated you during marriage, he can't do that to you anymore, if he says bad luck it's your turn, you say, "well if I could, then I would have, your making your children suffer, they can't even have a shower because I can't pay the gas"... How does that make you feel?

You may just have to cover buddy for a while, your their Father, help them out, instead of thinking for yourself, or of me only.

We are here even to talk to, to vent to, to ask anything so stay with us for a while, a month or so, and let's try and get you to the next stage.

CW

[maxxyknight]

Thanks that helps alot. The ex's excuse for child support was "its getting difficult to support them alone" (ie, hot lunch time at school, school trips, medication etc.). And everytime i bring up the money he spends now he doesn't say anything back about it (normally he argues oh well i pay more taxes than you i have more bills than you...yadda yadda yadda) As for the judge well here in ontario...its based on who has custody and what they make... i know if i had money to talk to a lawyer.. (which i work for but he will still charge me 250 and hour) they would say differently but that would just open a whole can of worms with the ex and right now thats something i can't deal with. But last night my doc did call with a few names of some people to go talk to.
I will stay here and talk as long as there is someone who will listen lol.. tks again

[CHANDLERS WISH]

LOL on the last bit.

Okay, I don't know how long you've been working for this firm but I know one thing they love is "guts" "determination" you say to the boss, " I am Elen Brockovic" lol, correct me anyone on the spelling... But she worked for Laywer, she believed, he believed in her and he took it on....

Anything is possible, it's only those whom believe something isn't that they don't bother fighting.

Don't be a victim of his finances which he controls you over, ask everyone, to defend you until someone says YES, think that's not possible?

IT IS.

CW

[WildChild]

I don't know anything about Canadian law, here in the US it varies from state to state but it doesn't make sense that having so much less income and still having the kids part of the time you should have to pay him so much. In my state it is all plugged into a formula, they take both parents income statements and pretty much just plug in the numbers.

Check your local government web sites, they often have the forms and instructions online. I think most places have tried to make at least part of the process so that you don't have to get a lawyer. You are not responsible for making his lifestyle possible.

[Hopeless Dork]

Sorry you are feeling so down maxxy. I think one of the problems is obviously having to interact with your ex-boyfriend on a day to day basis. How can you possibly move on from the hurt and lies while he is still right there in you living room. You probably can't help but wollow in the pain he has contributed to when you have to see him all the time. I understand you needing the money, keep in mind once he's gone and out of the picture you will be probably feel a whole lot better.

Its just a waiting game right now.

[Joy]

maxxyknight you need to do something really kind for yourself hun. Go for a walk or listen to music unwind and get your balance back. You have had to deal with alot in life but you can over come all of this in time.

the x bf stole from you and lied that is his baggage not yours so don't take it on but beaware of red flags next time and pitty stories from men.

xhusband should really work towards being a good parent with you and show his kids an example of compassion but sounds like that will take a life time to learn for him.

Sounds like your life is in a holding patteren at the moment since the xbf ins't moving til Aug. Take this time to reflect , dream a bit of what you want the next 12 months of your life to look like.

Deal with your baggage and don't carry other peoples baggage and garbage.... its theirs not yours.

good luck

[Tina Lee]

Hey hun, glad you staying here for awhile.

I pray that August comes fast for you, so that the xbf will be gone from your life soon.

The xhusband should think of the kids first, and try to be more co-operative.

Canada has lawyers that will help you for a very low price/or even for free. I can't remember off hand right now. But if you need help finding someone, I'd be glad to help you. Just PM me hun.

We are strong, Canadian women, eh! Hahaha!

[maxxyknight]

wow thanks.. and here i thought there was a shortage on friends lol... yes its all a waiting game till the end of august... and then the kids are back in school the ex boyfriend is gone... then i will have time to sit down and think in quiet and solitude for a bit... well gotta run.. i have my kids for two and half weeks.. so makes my "me" time short lol..talk to you all soon.

[Ahryin]

Do your kids live with you in the Winter/School time or are they with the father?