I've lost custody of my boys!

[Pillow's Blanket]

Their dad has full custody of both kids because I went through a bout of depression and attempted to kill myself. He is using an allogation that I also tried to kill my oldest son who is now 4. This is not true. (tell you whole story if you are interested.) Now, my I haven't had my oldest since he was 1, and my youngest(15 months younger) since he was 6 months old. I am supposed to see them 3X a week. I don't Because i don't know where they are most of the time. He has a new girlfriend and lives with her, and I have a boyfriend that I am currently staying with due to a job/vehicle situation. I have absolutely NO idea how to get ahold of him so I can see my kids. I can sometimes manage to get to them thru his mother. I don't know where he lives, where he works, or a number where he can be reached. All I have is his mom. Fine by me to the point i don't have to deal with him, but not fine because it means I can only see my kids a few times out of the year when I happen to get lucky and they are at their grandmas house.

[imported_kaylar]

You have to focus on what is right for you,
at this moment in time.

Obviously, if you have visitation and can not
exercise it, you can go back to Court...but
that doesn't sound like your problem.

What seems to be, is that society tends to
make you feel you should be doing something
else, or feeling another way...

It seems that the children are in a stable
situation, that they are being properly
looked after.

You the are the more fragile one at this
point in time. How are you doing? What
are you doing for yourself?

Are you in school? Do you have a job?
You must focus on you.

Depression and suicide aren't hairstyles,
they are very serious...
this is a time in life you have to focus
on you.

[Pillow's Blanket]

sometimes, i think that maybe it is better this way without my kids. then i feel really guilty because i shouldnt feel that way, right? i mean, right now, i work 77 hours a week, and am saving every penny i can. i need to get that vehicle. i think i am a month away from it. and i work all the time because 1) i want to and 2) the business needs me there. i worry though that i am doing the wrong thing. does me being okay with not having my kids with me make me a bad mom?

[blueeyeblondesweetheart]

I am not about to judge you.He who is without sin cast the first stone.But all I can say is I could not imagine not being with my children.I love my children so much I check on them at least 3 times a night to make sure they have not covered their heads,or that they are not hot or cold and most importantly that they are still breathing.Yeah,I'm one of those moms.Anyway,the only time I am away from my children is if I am in the hospital.They have never spent the night without me otherwise.My sister lost custody of her children and I don't see how she's surviving because if I lost my children or if something happened to them I am positive I would have a heart attack.They are the reason I get up and they are what makes me feel like I have a purpose.I personally would not be ok without my children.

[lilwifey07]

If you want your children back then there are some steps you can take. If you are confortable with this living situation then that is fine as well. Honey if you were feeling the way in which you described, that is not healthy. Did you have post pardom dipression or anything like that after having your children. That can cause some pretty hectic stuff from what I have read. You are not a bad mother for not having your kids live with you. If anything right now you seriously need to focus on yourself. Get that car you want and work at that job you love. Date that you you are obviously interested in but date him cause you like him. Not because you need a place to stay. Just try and be on your own for awhile. I think once you see you can do it on your own and know you can stand on your own two feet, you are going to feel that much stronger.

[Godchangedme]

I lost custody of my children about 4 years ago. I was young and just gotten divorced and I went wild and had my life in a mess. I will be the first to admit that I was not the best mother, but I don't really feel like I deserved what I got. He didn't deserve them either, he was no better than me...just had more money! God used this difficult time in my life to change my heart and open my eyes! I am a completely differant person now! I am at peace with God and myself...I have learned to forgive myself and the people who hurt me the most. I hope to one day regain custody of my kids, but I see them as much as possiable and everyother weekend! Sometimes it is hard...Especially when I am home all alone and it is so quite...or when I lay my head down at night, sometimes I think of everything I did, and all that I have missed, but you can't change the past...but you can change now. Only God can change a person to the core! I have never known the peace I have now...I know that I serve a God that will not give me more than I can handle...He gives me strength and courge...I am a Mother, those kids are part of me, they grew inside of me, God gave them to me...Nobody can take that away.

[Little]

How can you refer to your children as something your ex-husband "got?"
In reference to the first post, I'm completely against allowing people suffering from any type of mental illness to keep custody of their children. My mother's mental illness had taken immeasurable toll on my life, body, and MY mental wellness. The children of people with mental illnesses have no rights, it seems. I would have done better to have been placed in a foster home than have to live with my mother.
Also, it's been proven that some aspects of "hereditary" mental illnesses are LEARNED more than they are "passed down." Would you want your children learning that suicide is an option? That the proper reaction to small situations is overbearing anxiety? Anyone with mental problems, or whose spouses do, should MAKE SURE THEIR CHILDREN AREN'T VIEWING IT.
Maybe my point of view is skewed, but it's genuine.

[rcoreyus]

I agree with little on this one. I would not want children exposed to anyone with a serious illness, mental illness included.

It is very difficult to judge a case like this without all of the information - far more than can be put in a discussion group post. One of the wonderful things our society provides is a system of laws and judges who are impartial to decide difficult issues. Now, laws and Judges make mistakes - but I think they still do a better job than decisions by people who are emotionally involved.

[JubesInquest]

PillowBlanket,

Right now, the best thing for you is to get yourself well.
You won't be able to be around the children until you get the help you need and stay on your meds.

If there was an actual "suicide attempt" on your behalf, that would be reason to award custody of the kids to your ex-husband.
The court will see your condition as "harzardous" to your children's health and well-being and it is definitely something that they should never be exposed to.

Once you've gotten your depression under control and your therapist and/or doctor can provide some kind of proof of that, you can probably go to the courts and seek some kind of visitation... after all, you ARE still their mother and you do have a right to see your children.

This makes me think of Britney Spears and her kids' situation; the difference being she was on drugs (among other things), but after she had proof that she was "following court orders", she was allowed to see her kids.

Get yourself together first. You shouldn't want your kids to see you in this condition--and just think, you can manage your depression and that would be even better for you AND your children.

[ellinj]

I agree with what a few people have posted on here. It's really important to get your life in order, and feel 100% before taking on the responsibility of ensuring you can provide a stable, healthy and happy home for your children, even if it is 3 times a week. It almost seems like you are OK without your children, but feel a need to be with them because you gave birth to them, maybe not necessarily because you feel you must have them in your life at this very moment. I apologize if I'm wrong on that assumption and mean no harm in what I have said.

It sounds like you are really trying to turn yourself around on the financial front and getting your life in order, and I say good for you mom! You need to focus on you and getting yourself better and then you can focus on being a good mom and providing really meaningful/positive interactions and love for your children!

Good luck to you!