dad is dying

[mdraven380]

Today my dad took a turn for the worse. Hospice is there now with him and a priest came in today while me, my oldest sister and my aunt were there to give my dad his last rights.
It is so horrible to see him suffer so much. I just lost my sister 7 months ago and my brother in law 10 months ago. Aug 30th will be 6 years since my mom passed and I found her in the livingroom.

I pray to God to give me strenght to get through this. I also pray my boyfriend has no futher contact with his ex wife because I couldn't bare it right now.
I just don't want my dad to suffer anymore. I told him I loved him but all he could do was look at me he couldn't speak. They kept giving him morphine and other drugs to make him comfortable.
I feel like I'm losing almost my whole family.
Makes me almost not want to go on anymore.
I have no children. The only on that depends on me is my cat. When my mom died my cat slept with me for 9 months. She was the only reason I got up in the morning to take care of her.

I knew it was a matter of time with my dad. He has bee sick for 9 years with Mylodispasia, I thought it was Mylofibrosis but I was told today it is the other. The are both under the same umbrella of blood diseases.
My remaining sister has Poly Sythemia Vera. She makes too many red blood cells and has to get blood taken out. My dad had to get blood transfusions and now this is the end.

This pain is almost unbareable. Too many deaths to handle and a bf that runs to his ex wife becasue he didn't get his way back in March. He swears he will not do that to me again.

Pleas God help me get through this

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi mdraven....

You have the strength....

You have been through alot and survived...

I am so sorry and I do feel some of your pain, see your tears as you typed...

I can not begin to feel your whole pain, no one can...

Your boyfriend needs to stand by you right now, if he is at work, ring and see if he can come home, go to your sister and be with her as well... You need the love of others surrounding you today.../tonight...

We will be thinking of you.

CW

[Tina Lee]

Oh honey, I am so very sorry to hear that.

Hold on strong to your cat. A hug from your kitty can be comforting at times.

This is the time when you also need your bf. You can't handle everything all at once. So for now, let the pain with the ex go for now. You need your bf to comfort you, and he can't do that when dwell on his ex.

Put everything aside, and concentrate on your dad. I'm so sorry to hear that he's dying, but he needs 100 % of you now. This is the time for you and your dad to just love each other. Please don't let your worries about your bf and his ex get in the way of that.

Also, I can't remember if you said you were already going to counselling, sorry my memory ain't what it used to be.. But if you're not, would you consider going? It's really important sweetie that you have a strong support system around you.

I hope that you & your sister are close, as she is going through the same pain as you are.

We're here for you too. Come back and share your feelings, and thoughts with us, if you ever feel that you have to let it out.. We're here to help.

[WildChild]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this but you are right that your dad is in a lot pain and discomfort. I'm sure he doesn't want to leave you.

I don't know what your personal beliefs are but remember that life is energy and energy cannot be created or destroyed, just transformed. Death is hard because we want the people we love to be with us, were we can touch and talk with them. But it is a transformation that will take him from a place of pain to an place of being where there will be no pain. There have been some wonderful books written that have collected stories of people's near death experiences. You may find some comfort in those stories as they all report similar, positive experiences.

You do have the strength to handle this, even though it may not feel like it right now. Being loving to your self.

[happy ending]

i lost my father many years ago, and have not suffered the terrrible losses you have, words are so limiting, but talk on the health boards whenever you need to. i am glad you have love in your life, did you say previously you were seeing a consellor. i hope this helps. take care.

wild child my eyes welled up when i read your post. my dad still visits me in my dreams. i am not sure if it is a "real" visit or just my subconscious, but i still talk to him and he even pulled a prank on me last year!

[yellowpiXi3]

I am so sorry to hear that. I hope that you don't loose hope within yourself. You are strong for going through such losses. I don't know what else is there for me to say but my deep condolences. Keep the faith going ... no matter what.

[mdraven380]

Thank you everone.

My dad passed away last night. I beleive in God and so did he. Dad had a very strong faith as does the rest of my family. I know he is in a better place.

I am in counseling and have been for almost 6 years since my mom passed. Me and my remaining sister are very close. I also have 1 niece and 2 great nephews plus 1 great niece.

The hardest part is yet to come. I already know this. It happeneds after the funeral when everyone goes back to their normal routine. That is when I will really need things to keep myself busy.

I pray to God to put something positive in my life so that I feel like I have a purpose.
I have no children but I need a reason to feel like I'm alive for something.
I thought I found a direction in life once but then that didn't work out, then my life became taking care of loved ones and sick friends.
Now they are all gone and I need to find a reason for being here.
If someone would have told me years ago that I would be losing all my loved one so quickly and be able to survive I would have never beleived them.
I just really hope I get a break for a while so that I can recouperate.

Thank you all for your support and I'm so glad I found this board.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am sorry for your loss.

I thought I found a direction in life once but then that didn't work out, then my life became taking care of loved ones and sick friends.
Now they are all gone and I need to find a reason for being here

Maybe your reason now is to live for you, as you have used all the energy given to you for others... It's your turn now sweet, you can slowly heal.

[mdraven380]

Thanks CW,
I just hope I can find my direction now.

[WildChild]

CW is right, I think. You've spent years devoting yourself to others and that can be a good thing to do. Give yourself some time to grieve. You're right everyone is around until the funeral is over and then they move on.

Take some time, get your bearings and get out and start finding what YOU want and need to do in life. We are here to learn and grow. Time to spread your wings. You need to find who you are, yourself, rather than in relation to what everyone else needs from you. Life needs balance. That means giving and receiving. You've done a lot giving. Start giving to yourself and letting others give to you. If you aren't open to receive, you deprive them of the joy of giving.