watching porn

[aly0902]

This is the second time I caught my husband late at night on the computer watching porn. I was heated! We have a 10 month old baby and I am still self consious about my body. I breast feed (he talked me into it) and was engorged all the time. Now my boobs are lop sided and I have a few streach marks. I have asked him to explain and he told me I don't give him what he needs. Sorry I am in the military and work 50 hours a week and then take care of our son at night. I am tired! Now when we have relations I feel like he is judging me. HELP I am very mad and everything he does gets to me because I am pissed about the porn.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Are you sure that's what your pissed over?

"I work in the Military 50 hours a week, come home and look after my baby, have stretch marks and lop sided boobs because he made me breastfead"....

Perhaps you've taken on too much.

Perhaps you need some "me time" as well.

Perhaps, he needs to do a few more things around the house..to help you out.

It's a two way street, I probably would be exhausted and not want to put out too much if I worked 50hrs and tended to a baby as well...

But, if you neglect a relationship then they seek / elsewhere...

I think you both need to sit down and communicate....

CW

[WildChild]

I'm so sorry you have this stress going on with a new baby. This should be one of the blissful times in your life. I loved nursing my children, it was a time to unwind, be peaceful and relax. It's also a good time to read a book or have a quiet conversation.

I think CW has a point the porn is probably second or even third on the list. It sounds like you are overwelmed. What kind of work does your husband do? You need to find time for the two of you to talk. Not dump or accuse but talk. Tell him you need to talk and that the most important thing he could for you is to really listen. We women tend to think as we talk, men have a hard time with this, so kind of talk it out with yourself first. Are there some things he could do around the house to lighten the load? Are there some things the two of you could do, such as rearranging or some organizing, that would make it easier to keep your home tidy? Simplifing can make a huge difference.

You Need some time for yourself and some time with your hubby. Have you got some familym a freind, a neighbor, who can come by and watch the baby for an hour or two just to give you some time to soak in the tub, do your nails, just relax a bit? Can you two create a date night at least twice a month?

I had some freinds who came up with a wonderful plan when their kids were little. They essentially created a co-op with other parents of little ones and used both script and time to trade child care and household help. It worked great for them. I'll bet you can find info online about setting up a "barter" or co-op.

[Meashu]

I just realized that my husband comes to bed at night ready for sex, but only after he has gotten worked up with porn. We are newlyweds and I have a high desire for sex; however, recently he has been more of a late night comer and I am half asleep. How boring. Men can be so self serving. I think the best way to handle it is to find ways to please yourself without him. Maybe he will realize how inadequate it makes him feel.

[OhThereYouAre]

Men can be so self serving. I think the best way to handle it is to find ways to please yourself without him.

That doesn't make much sense.

[Little]

It certainly doesn't ... unless you want to try to force two wrongs to make a right. Healthy relationships don't form on that kind of logic.

[Meashu]

you are right. I over reacted. It is better to talk it out.