Sex on the first date

**Ahryin** · 07-31-2009 11:45 AM

Today I was involved in a discussion and asked certain questions that I don't really have the answer to. So i'm reaching out for some well needed insight. After conversing with a gentleman for 2wks via phone and text my girlfriend ventured out on the ever popular 1st date. This date was full of all the wonderful amenities such as opening doors, pulling the seat out at the table, paying for the food, good convo, lots of laughs, an off broadway show and a long walk home. At what should have been the conclusion of said date (in my mind that is) said girlfriend decided to invite said date into her dwelling for a VERY long nitecap! I use the word nitecap in replacement of what we grown folks would call going all the way. Now I am not one to point fingers, we have all made decisions in our personal and business lives that may be considered questionable to say the least. However my girlfriend called me with sheer joy and a gitty perspective up until....dun dun dun... I had to open my mouth and rain on her parade! I agree that she is grown but when asked if I believe she moved to quickly I said YES...when asked if I believe she will be judged for her inability to keep her legs closed I said YES...however there are certain questions I could not answer as to how long she SHOULD have waited...when is soon to soon...and what goes through a mans mind when a woman allows him to become master of her domain on the 1st real try. So I ask you....do you judge a person when the chemistry seems right and they give in to those oh so to familiar primal urges...when is soon to soon...and what does go through your mind the next morning

**WildChild** · 07-31-2009 11:50 AM

I don't necessarily judge on that but doubt it was wise. How well does she really know him? I mean really, talking on the phone a bit and one date is glimpse at who he is, not a window to his world. Depends on what she is looking for. But sometimes it takes a couple years to learn what they are really all about, before the mask drops off. So really its her call. What feels right?

**Chantalemma** · 07-31-2009 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I don't necessarily judge on that but doubt it was wise. How well does she really know him? I mean really, talking on the phone a bit and one date is glimpse at who he is, not a window to his world. Depends on what she is looking for. But sometimes it takes a couple years to learn what they are really all about, before the mask drops off. So really its her call. What feels right?

I totally agree. I think now days it is to each is own. Every date is different. Every chemistry is different. We were not in her shoes and she was not in ours. It is I would say her own decision.

**Ahryin** · 07-31-2009 12:41 PM

Yes but i'm worried not only for her well being mentally but her health. Like I told her just because you use condoms does NOT protect you from every S.T.D!

Even though I consider myself very sexual and open I am also very picky with whom I give the good goods to!

I want a drug test
STD test
Notarized letter from yo momma regarding your character and how you treated her
A hair specimin (just in case I have to track you down and need DNA)
References
Proof of Income
Proof of Residency
School Transcripts!

LOL

**Ahryin** · 07-31-2009 12:42 PM

Even after that you need to fill out an application!

**gina13** · 07-31-2009 01:10 PM

LMAO ,, i thought i was picky lol,, two weeks does seem a little fast,, but its up to her i understand your concern for your friend,, but she is a grown girl,, she can figure out wat she thinks is good,, i mean,, for me,, the person im wit now,, te first time i met him,, was online,, we talked for about 3 months online,, on cam,, on the phone,, b4 i actually got to meet him in person,, adn we fooled around,, but not allll the way,, just different things like oral and such,,, two weeks might have been quick, but,, lol,, you prob shouldnt have just said YES,, YES,, lol,, she might have been tryin to feel a lil better about herself , to make sure no one is gunna think she is loose, and you just shot her down lol

**kira** · 07-31-2009 01:14 PM

Everyone is going to have different views. Just because you want to be certain doesn't mean someone else does. Personally I do prefer to get to know someone better and feel I can trust them some first so I probably would not have done anything in that situation. How much risk you want to take is your decision. I think the risk of std's while using condoms is low enough not to be too concerning provided I have an idea of the guy's history and he hasn't been with lots of women with no std testing or with a woman who slept around with lots of guys without std testing. Otherwise I only ask about it if I'm thinking of having sex without condoms which doesn't happen until I've been in a relationship with them and everything feels right.

As for character references well I do not believe anyone is a better judge of who I can trust than me. Some good people have crappy parents. Some good people have crappy friends. Some people just don't match their parents' or friends' point of view but match mine. I really don't care about anyone's opinion of someone besides my own. I also couldn't care less how much money someone makes or what jobs they've had provided I get along with them and they treat me well. I've been with a guy who had loads of money but wouldn't spent a dime on me and I've been with a guy who was dead broke but would have spent every last penny he made on me.

If everything lined up for your friend then maybe it was the right decision. She was happy about it. Provided both people understand what the other wants and someone isn't getting shorted and they both accept the risks then there's nothing wrong with it. There is no set time to wait and even if you have your own preferred time limit each relationship moves differently. Sometimes a week is long enough and sometimes 3 months isn't long enough. You never know how it's going to work out until it does or doesn't.

**Ahryin** · 07-31-2009 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by gina13

LMAO ,, i thought i was picky lol,, two weeks does seem a little fast,, but its up to her i understand your concern for your friend,, but she is a grown girl,, she can figure out wat she thinks is good,, i mean,, for me,, the person im wit now,, te first time i met him,, was online,, we talked for about 3 months online,, on cam,, on the phone,, b4 i actually got to meet him in person,, adn we fooled around,, but not allll the way,, just different things like oral and such,,, two weeks might have been quick, but,, lol,, you prob shouldnt have just said YES,, YES,, lol,, she might have been tryin to feel a lil better about herself , to make sure no one is gunna think she is loose, and you just shot her down lol

NOpe that would have been lying...and I don't do that! I will say I could have been a little more understanding...i'm downplaying it here but I chewed her out! LOL

**rcoreyus** · 07-31-2009 04:28 PM

I don't think you can make general rules. Dating isn't planning for the invasion of Normandy (at least it usually isn't). It should be fun, and spontaneous.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-31-2009 05:17 PM

It's true, I think that in a guys mind if you sleep with him he first night you will sleep with others the first night and there is also no chase, no whooing, nothing to look forward to in converstation the next day as far as flirting goes, shall be interesting to see what happens from here.

And, I think that women become all giddy having done that with some regret OMG will he think this, that? But, but, I am not like that and also they think emotional connection we are together now, not the case.

I also think it's old fashioned to assume that you can't have love at first sight, sleep together and be together for years to come... But, that depends on alot of things prior to as well.

It's easy to talk, text, IM, etc for a couple weeks and meet and go yep like this guy because you did all the way through the two weeks or else you wouldn't have agreed to the date.

I think her date was cool, not cheap and nasty so it showed that he was interested, hope he still is.

So whilst I am logical, I'm also a frisky 46 year old that is dying to let her hair down lol, so somehow I would find it difficult but I would definately try to keep my legs crossed for the first date at least... Just so that there is a continuation of flirting and getting to know each other AND more explosion when you do "get to know each other"...

STD, where do you live, how much money do you make, lol....

Sure, you can date someone and find out the next day they are married for instance, or a player or broke, or living with Mum, nothing is at it seems...

But, that side of things are still left up in the air even if you don't sleep with them for say a month, you don't get to find out it all do you?"

Causion of letting a "stranger" in your home that you have never really gotten to know about is dangerous for sure, I know of a few situations whereby a wake up call has been had by women....

The main thing that I would not have done? Is let a complete stranger know where I live that soon as well as in my house with no one else around... Too dangerous...

CW