My husband almost cheated

**BrokenHearted1** · 08-05-2009 12:49 PM

I found out recently by snooping that my husband (of 8 years) was thinking about cheating on me with another woman. In the beginning he told me about this girl that he used to hang out with years ago and that she had found him on MySpace. She lived nearby and they began texting one another. I knew something was up because he started talking about going to do stuff with her but definitely was trying to arrange it so I wasn't there. One thing led to another and the next thing I know he's asking her where their relationship is headed.

Upon finding out, I confronted him and he owned up to the whole thing. He says he loves me and doesn't want our marriage to end. He has apologized for hurting me and has cut off all contact with her. He says he will earn back my trust but I'm still hurting so much. How do I forgive? I know I won't forget but my heart is broken.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-05-2009 01:00 PM

I understand why you are so hurt, even though he didn't follow through... the intent was there which is almost as painful as the act. We are all but humans though, and as much as you hurt... if you love him - if he is a good man outside of this incident and makes you feel loved... its worth working out.

He is going to have to go out of his way right now to make you feel secure, he should know that is the price to pay for his actions... in time you will be able to feel better I hope. He needs to cut contact off with this girl all together and that will be his first act of helping you to feel more secure.

He should know there will be consequences if he does contact her again, that he's already broken your heart once and you forgave... but if he does it again it may be too damaged to mend.

And then you have to let go. Holding on to the hurt will only hurt you. I know the ache in your stomach that you feel at the thought of it all, but you can't focus on that... you have to get your mind off it and use this opportunity to spring some new life into your marriage.

Sometimes change only comes from drastic and near catastrophic situations. This may be what he needed to see how much he doesn't want to lose you, how close he could have come to ruining his life. Hopefully it was an eye opening experience for him and that he gets his priorties in order.

For now, write how you feel, say, don't bottle, experience. Letting go, getting it out of your system through tears, through thinking all the love you have had with this man and how it means more to you than anything he almost did but didn't.

**BrokenHearted1** · 08-05-2009 01:08 PM

Thank you for your encouragement. I have to say that he is doing the things he should be doing to show me that he regrets what he did. I think I was so angry in the beginning that bottled up my feelings. I'm starting to feel the hurt now. This happened a week ago. I know it is going to take time.

Right now I just really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I work from home and don't have much opportunity to make friends. My mom is dying of ovarian cancer so I can't burden her with it. This is just a really low point in my life. Thank you for listening.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-05-2009 01:15 PM

I know that for me, coming here, and venting my feelings ... has helped me overcome so many various problems. I , too... don't have many friends and no one really to talk to other than my boyfriend and whether or not people have magic answers to any of my issues... just being able to get them off my chest has made me feel better countless times.

**LanaBear** · 08-05-2009 01:51 PM

Oh hon - you have a right to all the things you are feeling right now. He betrayed your trust and that is something that a lot of people don't give easily. Once it is broken, it's hard to be able to trust the same person again, but it IS possible.

It sounds like he is sorry and probably never once thought it would go as far as it had. People get caught up in the moment and think the grass is greener on the other side, but that is hardly the case.

If he is committed to making this right with you, you should let him. It won't be easy by any stretch of the imagination. You will find yourself doubting him on numerous things and unfortunately, he may find himself getting frustrated with you. But as long as you two are committed to making this work with each other, you can get past it.

**stressed** · 08-05-2009 02:02 PM

D*mn Myspace, Facebook and the whole lot of them, they ruin lives. To h*ll with them.

**BrokenHearted1** · 08-05-2009 02:05 PM

Thanks LanaBear. I too believe we can get past this. If anything good has come of this it's the fact that my husband and I have opened up the lines of communication alot more and we've tried to examine what caused the near slip up in the first place.

**mdraven380** · 08-06-2009 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

D*mn Myspace, Facebook and the whole lot of them, they ruin lives. To h*ll with them.

I agree but still don't want to delete my myspace account because I feel like I need it now to see what is going on.
So many times I wanted to delete my account because it has been the source of a tremndous amount of emotional pain for me.
Everything bad can happen on myspace. I originaly opened the account to keep up with when my favorite bands were playing. Then as time went on I noticed it was causeing me so many problems. It is almost like an ddiction to keep looking at it and seeing what everyone else is doing.
I remeber when I first got my computer, I put it in my bedroom right where the ten gallon fish tank used to be. That fish tank brought me way more pleasure than myspace ever could but yet I'm a glutton for punishment and continue to look at alll the horrilbe my BF's ex wife continues to write about me. However so far today I haven't looked because I just can't take the pain on top of losing three family memeber within a 10 month period.

**OhThereYouAre** · 08-06-2009 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by stressed

D*mn Myspace, Facebook and the whole lot of them, they ruin lives. To h*ll with them.

I say the crooked, weak, lying individuals that use these outlets to pursue extra-marital affairs.

What the h*ll happened to til death do us part?

Despicable.

I for one, would not be able to forgive someone for doing that to me. I'd always wonder....what would happen if I hadn't caught them?

You truly are a better person than I. Best of luck moving past this.

**Myself** · 06-07-2010 09:32 PM

You are not alone. I did some snooping around myself 11 days ago and found that my husband has been sending sexual messages and pictures back and forth with multiple girls. He had even arranged to meet one who is local. I am so hurt and confused! He says that it will never happen again, but I dont know what to believe. Hang in there, it has to get better!