Child Support .... I need to vent

[Miya]

Just a thought but have you considered suing him for back and future child support payments in civil court. With the documentation you must have I don't see how any court in this country could let it slide this much. What he's doing is ILLEGAL and if the courts won't do anything at that level then perhaps an attorney could ring it up a notch??

I'm so sorry for what you're having to go through with this and vent all you want to. *hug*

[WildChild]

Truth is the legal system and courts don't really care much. My kid's father owes $20k in back support, moved out of state, remarried, had more kids, makes less than half what he did when we were together. He drug me into court and it cost a mint in time, stress and dollars. I was completely exonerated and he was scolded by the court. I have bills I'll be paying off for years, along with all the expenses of raising my kids. He's filing bankruptcy and will walk away with the child support being his only debt. I don't expect to ever see a dime of it and won't pursue it. He got the support dropped in half and pays less than half of that. The less we are on his radar screen the better. I made a poor choice in the father of my children - they are amazing, intelligent and wonderful. I left to stop his movement toward increasingly abusive behavior. I have made choices regarding employment so that I can be more available to my kids. It may mean never retiring and living in poverty in old age, that is a choice I made to give them more of what I think is important; not stuff but time and attention. These are choices made willingly. You take care of yourself and your own. If you aren't prepared to do that, don't have kids.

[Miya]

Oh wow, that's terrible too WildChild. I'm very sorrow for your troubles and commend you on the steps you've taken for you children. I had thought the courts here would go after these guys. In Virginia they seem to take a very tough stance with these "deadbeat dads" and the courts tend to favor the mothers and children.

[WildChild]

It is neither terrible nor unusual. This is the social system. Women need to get over the thinking that because they get pregnant someone should support them forever. Men need to get over thinking if they can't rule and control women, they can hold them in poverty. Women actually make less, compared to men, now than they did 20 years ago. They are far more likely to live in poverty at some time in their lives, are less likely to have any retirement money, are still grossly under represented in decision making posistions in business and government. Girls do better in school but recieve a lesser amount in scholarships and financial awards. The game is crooked and deck is marked against us. Wrong or right, fair or unfair, has nothing to do with it. It's the reality we live with.

There are a lot of people who, rather than saying we must push forward and change this, are saying, we must go backwards and put women back in the kitchen. The problem is in lack of equality and not, as some would have us believe, in the effort to achieve equality. This is a time of change and if we act consciously, with awareness and positive purpose we will see change for the better, It isn't really about women or about men - it's about life, where we direct our energy and what kind of world we want our children's children to live in. Sacrificing, being a martyr isn't productive, neither is being POd, but making considered choices that may cause us to have less now but with a vision of a better future is worth doing.

Women have to start acting more consciously. We are the primary teachers of the next generation. If we spend our time fighting for more from men who are more driven by toys (between their legs or in the garage) than rational thought, what are we teaching our kids? What's the song from Mary Poppins? "though we adore men individually, as group, we agree, they're rather stupid" What does that make women, for letting them run things all this time? Oh dear

[Miya]

I agree with your points but I still think it's a terrible thing for a person to do that to their own family. It takes two people to create a child and those two people need to be responsible for it I don't care if they're married or not. Birth control is as much a responsibility on the guy's part as it is for a woman but we have more to deal with physically and emotionally if it's not used and we get pregnant.

It's even worse when a guy sweetalks his way into a woman's bed with words of forever love and care then takes off when she misses her period. We need to press these courts to enforce the legality of child support payments.

The only other thing is the issue with rational thought and teaching our kids. With regard to this we should be more diligent too because in fairness to men, we're pretty driven by these toys so to speak between our legs as well in these moments and there are women who will use that to try to get and keep a guy so they're just as guilty at times. I also don't think they're really stupid in or out of groups. They're people just like we are who do dumb things sometimes.

Just a thought.

[OhThereYouAre]

I.

With regard to this we should be more diligent too because in fairness to men, we're pretty driven by these toys so to speak between our legs as well in these moments and there are women who will use that to try to get and keep a guy so they're just as guilty at times. I also don't think they're really stupid in or out of groups. They're people just like we are who do dumb things sometimes.

Just a thought.

A good thought. When was the last time you saw a man walking around with a $3K Louis bag?

And also, there are plenty of women who will sleep around, and attempt to "trap" a man by becoming pregnant.

FWIW - women get paid less, get charged more, and get the short end of the stick on things a lot of times because they fail to demand what's fair.

Yes, Miya - they are immature and illogical ignorant people....men AND women both. Has nothing to do with gender...has everything to do with the person.

[Miya]

When was the last time you saw a man walking around with a $3K Louis bag?

I have to admit I've never seen that but would wonder if I did. What I have seen though, my friend, is a guy with a $10k Plasma TV.

We all like our toys, be they anatomical or not and yes very definitely immature and irresponsible representative from both genders.

[WildChild]

I don't know any women who walk around with those either, but I know they exist. However like it or not the deck has been stacked against women for a long time and we still finding our way. In an ideal world every child born would be planned for and wanted by parents who are adequlately prepared to raise to it. The sad truth is people use pregnancy and children for all sorts of strange head games with eachother

[Miya]

In an ideal world every child born would be planned for and wanted by parents who are adequlately prepared to raise to it. The sad truth is people use pregnancy and children for all sorts of strange head games with eachother

That's so true sadly. The babies become the pawns and all they ever really want is love and play and smiles.

[OhThereYouAre]

That's so true sadly. The babies become the pawns and all they ever really want is love and play and smiles.

And the kids learn from their parents, and the cycle continues.....

So sad....