Husband caught on pron sites and dating sites please HELPPPP

**goldygurls** · 08-13-2009 08:14 AM

Hi there im new at this, i have never been on a forum site to discuss any of my personal life, but at this time i really need some advice and talk to people about it, i recently caught my husband looking at porn on the net, how i cam to that was one night he was awake till 4am on the comp, but for some reason the next morning i felt i wanted to see what he was looking at on the computer at that time??? something told me to because he has been up many times before and i never checked up on him until now..it was like i had a feeling, so i went into the history and saw he had been looking at pictures and porn i was shocked and very upset i further looked in to the history and saw 5 days prior to porn he searching alot of different dating sites...im now very confused as to what he his looking for, we have a great sex life even better then ever i have been with hime for 21yrs, i confronted him and first he denyed it until i said i can show him what he was looking at the dating sites he sd no idea, so a few days go by i told him i was having the computer taken in to see about the dating sites if they were his that we may be over, i brought up at the same time he was on kijiji looking at personal sites as well and thats when he admitted to clicking the dating sites at the bottom as adverstiment, i ask him why he was and he said he was looking for images. what do i do, i wish i can see if he ever registerd on any of them or responded to any, i checked his only email that i know he has and can't seem to find anything there, please someone tell me what this osudns like to you.
im very confused and have no idea what to do i now feel very awfull about myself cant seem to really look in the mirror and i cant stop thinking about all of this.

**OhThereYouAre** · 08-13-2009 08:32 AM

Take it easy. It isn't the end of the world.

He's discovered porn. Yuck for you both. Hey - he was honest with you. That is the first step. This is fixable.

Don't worry about the dating sites, these are from advertisements littered all over porn pages. Believe him when he said he just clicked on the advertisements to see more images, he's probably not lying.

It's up to you as to how you want to handle this. Some people don't mind, others do. Stop and think about how him viewing images of other naked women makes you feel. If you don't like it....tell him. Ask him what he's going to do about it. Compromise.

Whatever you do, don't back him into a corner. Don't yell, don't scream. Approach him non confrontationally. This is probably embarrassing for him. And I know this is tough - if you can do it, you're a trooper.

I'm not a fan of what porn and what it does to the users mind. People will debate with me, but I feel that porn programs a man to want more and more mental stimulation and will ultimately break down your sex life. It becomes an addiction and can cause you to lose interest in your spouse. Some people can handle it, most can't.

Best of luck to you both.

**goldygurls** · 08-13-2009 08:44 AM

hi there thank you so much for the up lifting advice you left me, i can somewhat handle the porn i dont like it and makes me feel awfull, but for most part we did talk about how that makes me feel he said he will never again. wha i cant get out of my mind is i dont understand why he looks at the personals add on kijiji website what would he be looking at? when i asked him he said he was just reading it for the fun of it and thats how the dating sites came in the picture is they are advertised them all at the bottom of the pages not on the porn sites, this was a different day the porn was looked at later on...why is what i dont get you dont get images on dating sites like he was looking for????? he told me he was not looking for any other women should i believe him????

**WildChild** · 08-13-2009 09:44 AM

If you pull up some on line porn sites you will see what they have by way of popups and "dating" site ads. Usually they are provcative pics of people in your area. I laugh at them, I live in a blue collar community and believe me walking around town, shopping and such, I'm about the best looking woman you'll see and I'm over 50, a darned good 50 but still! There isn't anyone who looks like the women in the "dating" ads. It's pretty much all a sex service come on and yes the pics are anything from alluring to down right rauch.

I'd believe him.

**goldygurls** · 08-13-2009 10:24 AM

hi thank you for your advice, it really helps out, but i still ? the fact that he was on the personal ads on kijiji site??? wich is where it led him to the dating sites from all the advertsiment at the bottom, they are not from the porn sites...why would he be trying to see images from dating sites???? i just need to ease my mind i cant imagine what he was thinking. my mind is going crazy ive been married 11 yrs and with him for 21yrs i dont think this would be worth giving it all away??? we have a family and everything else you can imagine of... please any andvice i would really appreciate it....very confused!!!!

**Chantalemma** · 08-13-2009 11:10 AM

I would have to say that you really need to sit down and talk with me. Tell him how you feel and how it hurt you? What was his resoning on his bahaviour? You got to ask the questions and he answer with honesty. Was it just a thrill to see where it would lead. Was he just curious???? Ask him. Tell him and explain to him how your relationship is depending on his honesty.

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-13-2009 02:22 PM

I read personals all the time for entertainment purposes. I am in love with my guy and wouldn't dream of dating someone else much less off an internet dating site... but I'll admit to being drawn to reading some of the dating personals, sometimes they make me feel hopeful for people, sometimes they make me giggle, sometimes they make me so very greatful for what I have.. but never never do I look at them seeking a mate..never.

He may be looking out of sheer curiousity or like OTYA says, it could have easily been a mis click in the search of more porno pics. Some of the dating banners on other forum sites I have visited have very porno graphic images in the banner to lead to the dating site - its an attention grabber tactic for sure.

**rcoreyus** · 08-13-2009 06:07 PM

There is a good chance he was just looking at personals for amusement. (some are really funny). Also, as others have mentioned porn sites will often have pop-ups to connect to those sites.

If he was watching porn, there is a good chance he will look at it again. If you make him promise not to, he may wind up lying about it - can lead to a real downward spiral.

Would you be OK watching porn with him? Might make a reasonable compromise

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-13-2009 06:56 PM

The big question here is - is he still fulfilling your needs?

When I tripped out on my bf's porn usage it was mainly because if he did it before I came over he didn't desire me as much and when I wasn't getting attention and knew porn was getting his I was upset.

If he is still giving u all the sex and attention u need - maybe he just want to explore something naughty by watching porn - explore it with him.

**Mrs Doodles** · 08-14-2009 04:03 AM

Originally Posted by OhThereYouAre

Take it easy. It isn't the end of the world.

It is if you dont want you DH looking at porn id go mental with my DH if i caught him looking at porn as we have a VERY good sex life so i dont see he has the need to look at it.