Caught texting..

[lrivera67]

About 2 months ago, my husband and i bought new phones and when we buy new gadgets he gets into and explores everything about it. After a week he was still glued to his phone and took it with him everywhere--even when he was in the shower. It didn't really bother me at first, but the more i kept seeing him with the phone and constantly smiling i got suspicious. One night on his way to work, he had forgotten his phone. I couldn't help but to look at his phone and see what he was so enthralled in and sure enough he had been texting another woman. I only got to see two text messages because he had already erased them..but this one that i saw he had told her how he had woke up and thought of her and misses her. As i checked our phone bill he had been texting her for about 20 days straight especially while he was at work in the wee hours of the morning. I had confronted him about it and he had told me bits and pieces about what happened. He says it was all a joke regarding a conversation he had with her the one night he worked with her. Every time i ask about what actually happened he says it was nothing and that i am taking this too seriously because nothing happened between them. He had apologized for hurting me and he promised to never do it again but i can't help but wonder. I can't also help the fact that he got off to easy.. it's like he wants me to forget it ever happened because he says nothing happened. I am having such a hard time dealing with this i don't know what to do..I have been going on many sleepless nights because i can't help but wonder if he is actually working with her or if he is communicating with her in other ways.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

As i checked our phone bill he had been texting her for about 20 days straight especially while he was at work in the wee hours of the morning.

He says it was all a joke regarding a conversation he had with her the one night he worked with her.

took it with him everywhere--even when he was in the shower

only got to see two text messages because he had already erased them..but this one that i saw he had told her how he had woke up and thought of her and misses her.

it's like he wants me to forget it ever happened because he says nothing happened.

I am having such a hard time dealing with this i don't know what to do

But it did.

Best scenario. He flirting non stop for 20 days in a row, carried the phone with him in the shower because he was hiding, the "flirting" from you, his wife.

Worse scenario. He has been having an affair behind your back, he misses her and thinks of her when he wakes up.

Middle scenario. He was "about" to have an affair.. So are you going to watch what goes on from here, whist it eats you away? You've already told him I assume, that you have checked the phone records so now he will / can get another gaget and you won't know.

It sounds to me that there is a drift between the pair of you.

You say he was making a joke, she worked with him, and it was late shift, which means you sleep alone quite often whilst he works late yes?

Marriages are "hard" to keep together, and even harder when you lead separate lives.

You have to sort of how you two can in-fact get the marriage where marriages should be, well are meant to be, content, happy, sexual, intimate, loving, giving, with laughter and spunk.

Only you know what's missing.

If he needs to change jobs then he needs to change jobs.

The issue is deeper than him cheating... It's that he will cheat again which ever scenario has been played out. He misses affection, love, attention...

And, what does he give you? How is he with you? When did you last go out on a date with your husband?

Work on the core of the issues, they are more important at this point in time, with our marriage to save it than what ever he has been texting.

If you want the marriage to last that is and continue till your old and grey.

Keep smiling.

I'm not standing up for him, by any means of the imagination.. Any form of cheating, is cheating. And, wrong.

He can not brush you aside as if your a bimbo.

He is doing that.

I think he's about to learn a few lessons somehow on why he may be Divorced if he doesn't shape up and work through this like a man.

That will scare the carp out of him.

CW

[Joy]

I don't know how long you have been married but does your husband text you? If not... then maybe you should start sending him flirty texts if that is what he wants.

I would be ticked off too so I understand were you are coming from. He is threatening trust in the relationship cause now you are on red alert.

You deserve the truth and cw is right wth is he doing telling some other woman he misses them and thinks of them when he awakes.

All too often people stop putting effort into their relaitonships and wonder why they start falling apart.

If you don't trust him anymore tell him......

[Karma3]

He misses a girl that he works with?? Ooooh that is not good!
Your right, he did get off easy...telling you that YOU are making a bigger deal of it than what's happening. Ya right, time to talk and sort this out, it's not over yet. If this girl is just a friend and they are texting about something funny that happened, maybe he can invite her over to the house for dinner and include you in the "fun".

[Frustr8ed]

He has broken the trust. I don't see how he expects you to just say "oh, okay" and just move on. He will just be more careful not to get caught. Ask him how you're supposed to trust that he's not doing other stuff behind your back and that there truly isn't anything more going on with this woman?

On the other hand, I also agree with the other posts. You need to find the root of the issue and work on that too. Bring the spark back into your marriage. Flirting, dating, all that fun stuff you used to do.

When you sit down with him to rip him a new a**hole and let him know he's broken the trust and needs to work hard to repair it, also let him know you want to work together to make your marriage wonderful again. Find out what he thinks is lacking in the marriage and let him know your feelings as well. Make sure it's constructive and not attacking. Set the ground rules that your statements have to start with "I'd like us to do more..." and are not allowed to start with "You never...." or "You always...."

[Ahryin]

To me it doesn't seem as if you are aware of any issues in your marriage which are a little scary to think about. I know that there are always to sides to the story but communication is the key.
I think you let him off the hook to easily and are in the process of having your feelings and concerns railroaded. For the most part if he doesn't want to talk about it and has the habit of dismising your emotions its because hes hiding something which you found out anyway. I'm not telling you to call the woman or text the woman because thats just going to drive even more of a wedge inbetween the two of you. I am however expressing that you need to assert your dominance as a woman. You need to remind him who you are! You are his wife, his lover and his friend! You are to be respected as such at ALL times and his actions where less than respectful! Every day for 20 days...if they work together why are they texting? Can't they just speak to each other? What does he do where he has the time to text this chick who he works with during the day?
Still the time is what really sticks in my head....20days? 20 days without you knowing? hmmmm yea you need to nip that in the bud quick fast and in a hurry!

[Ahryin]

*Don't take this literally but contextually*

If you can't sleep go and get a bucket of cold water and stand over top of him while he is sleeping...so when he wakes up he can see you standing over top of him with a bucket of God knows what....mumble to yourself while you do this with lots of cuss words (if you can tie his arms to the bed post...) Bet he will listen to you then!

LMAO...I know i'm sick

[mdraven380]

I recently went through something similar.
Only difference is I never actually saw the texts so I didn't know what they were texting each other. It was my boyfriend of 1 year and his ex wife. This happened back in March, I found out about it in May and I still question him about it! I always let him know what a mistake he made. I only found out because she called my house after I found her love letter that she sent him via e-mail. It wa sitting there unopened for a month. I found it first. He said she was delusional.

So I pretty much understand how you feel. I think todays technology makes it so easy for one person to cheat on another if they so chose to.

Hopy you two can work things out.

[mollieibrahim]

hi irivera, about one year ago i was going through something similar my husband had been texting a woman from his work.the same thing he had been taking his phone to the bathroom and everywhere else with him and he had erased them.but then i caught him.but since my husband is lebaneese and so was the girl...i couldnt understand because i'm white.but then it turned out to be nothing he was playing match maker for a friend of his,but i was furious.after i confronted him about the texts everything stopped.but if your reading htings of that sort.then it sounds pretty bad. here's what i would do do a little more investigating and catch him good....give it to him ...then give him an ultimatium stop what he's doing..and you mean it..or you guys will have to have sometime appart.you have to do something or the problems still might continue.i hope i gave you some advice hon, belive me i know what your going through.]