Am I Crazy?

[2cute]

I don’t know what I am going through right now. Lately I have questioned myself if I am crazy or if I need counseling or something. I think I really need someone to talk to right now. Or need to know if what I am feeling is normal. I guess I should start out by telling a little about my life. I became pregnant at the age of 16 and had a baby at 17. I am still with the father of my child and have been with the same guy for 17 years now. We are not married, but it sure feels like it. A Long time engagement (he asked me to marry him 10 years ago). We have lived together for 13 years (no common law marriage in the state I live in).

I have not been with any other guy or have had a chance to experience being a teenager or young wild adult. I gave up a lot for my son and my boyfriend. I have a good job and have earned a Bachelor’s degree (finally finished a month ago). For the last 8 years of the relationship, I did not give my boyfriend much sex or affection. I think in my mind I blamed him for taking away part of my life. Now that I think about it, I was probably hurtful in that regard to him. I was not for sure if I really wanted him or not. He has never cheated on me. Do not get me wrong, I love my son.

All the sudden I want him very badly. I want to give him more affection and I can’t keep my hands off of him. My libido has increased and I think I enjoy making love more than I did before both sexually and getting affection. I think I have truly opened all of my heart now to him. My boyfriend told me that I am acting strange and that it is awkward of me. Which it is probably because of my past behavior so I can’t blame him for saying that. I can’t stop thinking about him and how deep I want the relationship to be. What the is wrong with me?? My boyfriend said he likes the behavior, but I don’t think we are on the same page. I am the one to initiate all the affection and love making. If I wait for him to initiate it I end up waiting a few days and get mad. Is it fair of me to think this now or even go there? Am I confused on what I want? Am I over reacting?

I know I need to stop thinking about this stuff, but it is driving me crazy and it is kind of personal to talk to someone else about it. Any feedback or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[LanaBear]

Nah - I don't think you are crazy. I would be too if that were the case and I know I'm not. You're a woman who has rediscovered or finally discovered the pleasure of your SO. I went through something kind of similiar.

We had sex all the time during the first few years of our relationship, then I went through years where, eh - I could have cared less. Call it whatever, we had kids, two cross country relocations due to jobs, buying and building a house, school, etc. About a year and a half ago, something flipped in me and now I cannot get enough of my DH. I think he thought my body had been overtaken by someone other than myself at first because of the years he went through with me not wanting sex. But now we both enjoy ourselves immensely. We experiment and have fun.

Relax, there's nothing wrong. Just go with it.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you were not very sexual before, and that didn't bother him enough to cause problems, chances are he just doesn't have that high of a sex drive. You are coming in to your own right now... hormones start to heat up late 20's, early 30's in women and just keep on getting stronger with age for many.

So now that you are a lot more sexual, maybe he just isn't able to physically match it... or perhaps he got complacent with the little sex you were providing before and taught his self how to not need more.

He was able to love you through your lack of interest, try to do the same for him. Spice it up, make him feel desired, wanted and open up a lot of communication on both of your fantasies etc.

[Karma3]

I think it's awesome that you desire your BF like that after being together for so long and having a baby so young....wayta go!

He probably is a little taken back by the sudden change of character in you....but just laugh it up with him, continue what your doing and I'm sure he'll come around so you two can make fireworks together....he'll be proud that your his little Diva!

[Frustr8ed]

For the last 8 years of the relationship, I did not give my boyfriend much sex or affection. I think in my mind I blamed him for taking away part of my life. Now that I think about it, I was probably hurtful in that regard to him.

Could be that he's a little gun shy from the treatment he has gotten in the past.

All the sudden I want him very badly. I want to give him more affection and I can’t keep my hands off of him. My libido has increased and I think I enjoy making love more than I did before both sexually and getting affection. I think I have truly opened all of my heart now to him. My boyfriend told me that I am acting strange and that it is awkward of me. Which it is probably because of my past behavior so I can’t blame him for saying that. I can’t stop thinking about him and how deep I want the relationship to be.

If you haven't already, tell him this as well. It should clear things up for him but he may still be apprehensive for a while until you've earned his full trust or he may just have a lower sex drive. You said he loves the attention so you're definitely on the right track.

[HALFNOTHING]

above posters are right.. You were not feel that feeling before because of some stresses and thoughts you were having.. you have kid and same time go to school.. so now, you are finished and haven't thinking a lot, you feel different and it helps to get intimate.. Age also is matter i think.. 21-30's is much have fun with sex..

[2cute]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It is much appreciated. It is nice to come somewhere where another woman’s perspective (or man's) can be found and that has had similar situations or feelings. I did talk to my boyfriend and we are doing much better now! LOL . . I feel like I am on top of the world now! Still working on spicing it up a little more in the bedroom, but after everything that has happened with my behavior I need to go with the flow! I am glad I finally enjoy sex much much more than before. Hehe!

[happy ending]

people come into their sexuality at different ages - i first orgasmed at 43!!! now i love sex, whereas before i didnt really know what the big deal was! anyway have a great time, i hope your relationship keeps growing and strengthening!