Bad Skin ruining Self-Image and Relationships

[momopi]

Help! My bad skin is ruining my life.

Ever since I was young I had dark spots around my butt and inguinal/crotch area. My sister, who had perfect skin, would sometimes pull down my shorts or open my legs and look at those hyperpigmented skin and ask me, "why is your so dark?" and other variants of that question. That happened when I was very little to high school. She's always emphasizing my abnormality because my legs are so fair and yet those spots are dark brown.

I'm of Asian origin and those spots are actually common. I think they are called Mongolian spots. But the thing is, usually Mongolian spots disappear around the age of two. Mine remained up until now. (I'm in my mid-20s) They are usually blue, green, or brown. Mine turned into dark reddish-brown as I get older and the one on my lower left butt has become very very rough. Sometimes it peels.

My armpit is also hyperpigmented.

Butt, underside of the thigh, side of hips, knees, elbows, and armpit have chicken skin too and are rough. My mom once touched my elbow and she was weirded out. She was like, "why is your skin like that? What did you do? Are you not drinking enough water?"

I drink more than 1 liter a day, thank you.

Because of this, I cannot wear short shorts or swimsuits. I've always wanted to learn how to swim for the fear of exposing the underside of my butt and my armpit.

And it's not only that. From age 10 to 22, I suffered from acne leaving my face severely pockmarked. when I was 12, I had a classmate who counted my pimples aloud in the class. Brilliant. At 15, my elder sister went into my room, held my face and asked me, "why are you so ugly?" Now she would tell me, "you're younger than me and yet you already have wrinkles." Among other things.

(My grandmother is even worse)

A classmate in uni would tell me to get my eyes and nose smaller by a surgeon so they won't look too horrible. (Sounds like my grandma!)

Weird enough, I had suitors when I reach late teens to early 20s. But I never managed to have a decent relationship with them. I'm craving for intimacy so I maintain a romantic friendship with them - until one of us get tired of the set-up and give up. I'm avoiding relationships for the fear of being criticized, for the fear of being traded by someone better, for the fear of being looked down on. I want physical intimacy too but I shudder at the thought of someone touching my skin. What if he asks me, "why does your skin feels like sandpaper?" I also have the tendency to get jealous of all the guy's beautiful female friends.

The guy I got closest to recently would scold me about my issue. He said I don't need to change anything. I keep insisting I need a whole body makeover. Well, now he's gone and dating someone else.

This skin problem also affects my friendships. I would always compare myself to others, thus limiting my interaction with others. When there's an event and someone's taking pictures, I would hide. My friendships are skewed because I endlessly complain about myself. They get tired and bored. I end up alone. (Fortunately, I some very few yet totally understanding friends) I love outdoors, dining out and others but sometimes I cannot go because sometimes I don't feel pretty enough and my hair and my clothes are not coordinating well.

Help me please.

I want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest but these insecurities are inhibiting me. I have spent the two and a half decades almost feeling sorry for myself and I don't want this. I know I deserve something better. I know my friends also deserve a better me. I have always felt that my life is passing me by and that I am missing a lot. I have missed a lot of opportunities because of my insecurities. I am tired of this. Help me please.

[beezee]

If the main contributor to your low self esteem is the skin problems.. have you talked to a doctor about them? While I don't know what they can do about discolouration, surely they could help with the rough texture and the peeling?

As for everything else - I completely understand where you are coming from. The world is a rude and scary place when you're feeling down about your image. I've never been super confident in my looks.. and have my own skin issues that make me nervous to be intimate with anyone. Anytime you want to talk, shoot me a PM. Support from friends is probably the only medicine that really works in the end..

[momopi]

Well, bad skin along with lack of affection + attention, weird family, ugly nose + other features and the like. I did a bit well in school and in other things which me made a bit confident sometimes.

I guess this resulted in me having fluctuating sense of confidence? I'm either arrogant or terribly insecure. I want to find a balance.

Hm. I'd definitely got o the derma but dermas can be expensive. I need to work first. But yeah... it's a harsh world. I can't stop comparing myself. When I'm casually dating someone, I would endlessly compare myself to his female friends, exes, even classmates and family!!! I fear that they will meet someone more beautiful, smarter and more interesting plus with softer and nicer skin. I will get paranoid, insecure and obsessive. I will become clingy. He will get suffocated. I will demand more. He withdraws more. Then he'll drop me like a hot potato.

Yeah that's the pattern of my relationships and even some of my friendships with other females.

*sigh* I dunno what to do...

[awsomelord]

Believe me when I say I totally understand what you are talking about. I use to stay up late at night crying because my sister would always point fingers at me to yell out any faults she could think of about me. When she did that others ganged up as well. Both family and friends. It really hurt. I am 51 but young. My sister and I don't keep in touch. Want to know something funny. Not that I am bragging in anyway what so ever. I've had a better life than she. She is one year younger than I am. She looks so much older. I'm told I look 35-40ish. She covers up with lots of makeup. You reap what you sow. I believe she is.
You will bloosom into a beautiful woman Momopi. God watches what others do to others. He has his vengence and its coming soon enough. I have never seen you but I know that you are the beautiful creature God created. He loves you just as you are ... He loves you unconditionally. Be patient my friend. Your man is being formed by God. He is getting him ready for you. Good things come to those who wait. Wait patiently. I will be thinking of you and praying as well. You may contact me if you like. Or not. Perhaps you are tired of others responding by now. Stay happy. Dont let others see the pain inside. Smile and stay smiling. They will wonder what is up with you. Don't let them get the upper hand of you. You are the head and not the tail. You will have the victory at the end girl.

Help! My bad skin is ruining my life.

Ever since I was young I had dark spots around my butt and inguinal/crotch area. My sister, who had perfect skin, would sometimes pull down my shorts or open my legs and look at those hyperpigmented skin and ask me, "why is your so dark?" and other variants of that question. That happened when I was very little to high school. She's always emphasizing my abnormality because my legs are so fair and yet those spots are dark brown.

I'm of Asian origin and those spots are actually common. I think they are called Mongolian spots. But the thing is, usually Mongolian spots disappear around the age of two. Mine remained up until now. (I'm in my mid-20s) They are usually blue, green, or brown. Mine turned into dark reddish-brown as I get older and the one on my lower left butt has become very very rough. Sometimes it peels.

My armpit is also hyperpigmented.

Butt, underside of the thigh, side of hips, knees, elbows, and armpit have chicken skin too and are rough. My mom once touched my elbow and she was weirded out. She was like, "why is your skin like that? What did you do? Are you not drinking enough water?"

I drink more than 1 liter a day, thank you.

Because of this, I cannot wear short shorts or swimsuits. I've always wanted to learn how to swim for the fear of exposing the underside of my butt and my armpit.

And it's not only that. From age 10 to 22, I suffered from acne leaving my face severely pockmarked. when I was 12, I had a classmate who counted my pimples aloud in the class. Brilliant. At 15, my elder sister went into my room, held my face and asked me, "why are you so ugly?" Now she would tell me, "you're younger than me and yet you already have wrinkles." Among other things.

(My grandmother is even worse)

A classmate in uni would tell me to get my eyes and nose smaller by a surgeon so they won't look too horrible. (Sounds like my grandma!)

Weird enough, I had suitors when I reach late teens to early 20s. But I never managed to have a decent relationship with them. I'm craving for intimacy so I maintain a romantic friendship with them - until one of us get tired of the set-up and give up. I'm avoiding relationships for the fear of being criticized, for the fear of being traded by someone better, for the fear of being looked down on. I want physical intimacy too but I shudder at the thought of someone touching my skin. What if he asks me, "why does your skin feels like sandpaper?" I also have the tendency to get jealous of all the guy's beautiful female friends.

The guy I got closest to recently would scold me about my issue. He said I don't need to change anything. I keep insisting I need a whole body makeover. Well, now he's gone and dating someone else.

This skin problem also affects my friendships. I would always compare myself to others, thus limiting my interaction with others. When there's an event and someone's taking pictures, I would hide. My friendships are skewed because I endlessly complain about myself. They get tired and bored. I end up alone. (Fortunately, I some very few yet totally understanding friends) I love outdoors, dining out and others but sometimes I cannot go because sometimes I don't feel pretty enough and my hair and my clothes are not coordinating well.

Help me please.

I want to live and enjoy my life to the fullest but these insecurities are inhibiting me. I have spent the two and a half decades almost feeling sorry for myself and I don't want this. I know I deserve something better. I know my friends also deserve a better me. I have always felt that my life is passing me by and that I am missing a lot. I have missed a lot of opportunities because of my insecurities. I am tired of this. Help me please.