cant find my place in family

[maggie0285]

I am 37 and the youngest in my family. Has anyone ever felt they were not wanted in their family? The holidays are the worst. Nobody ever wants to talk to me and if I say something I have their attention I have to say it quick because I feel like they dont value me. They start to turn their attention else where while I am talking. They even pose for xmas pictures without me and I just look in disbelief. Why does this stuff happen? Is it just family dysfunction? I dont even recall one of my sisters doing one thing with me at all and I wonder if she even notices. It is strange but it does explain alot of my problems growing up. It still makes me angry and I bet they dont know that either.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Maggie...

I do know I was different... But, I also know that it took years for my family to accept that, that, I was different.

Sometimes it's hard for them to understand and may be difficult therefore to communicate, I was 25 before it all got laid to bed.

You know your missing a vital component of life..

You , YOU , are whom you are... Family is whom you are born with... But the outcome of you is always your choice, perhaps your choice is a better one.

You can't ever choose your family.. but you can accept to , well accept them for whom they are.

Seems your concentrating too much on them accepting you, instead of you accepting them.

The only relieve I ever got at 25 was to sort it out... And, get answers...

Perhaps, it's your time to not hide and "talk quickly" rather TALK... Stand up for who you are be proud and then say and so?

CW

[maggie0285]

Thank you . You gave some really good advice!

[happy ending]

families are so difficult, my mother and older sister sort of gang up on me, i ending up withdrawing from them for a long time, when you arent there to boss around they WILL miss you! good luck.

[Kakie]

It still makes me angry and I bet they dont know that either.

so tell them? i had a similar situation with my family (whilst still living with them) in that i'd always get left out of things, they'd not bother talking to me, or i'd be sat at home when they'd all get back from a 'family' meal at a restaurant that they just hadn't thought to invite me to.. etc. etc.. eventually it got to me so much that i asked my mum why i always get left out and she said that i "never seemed that bothered" about mixing with them.. and now i see that because i was hurt by their actions, i'd be a bit quieter around them, or i'd hide away in my room cos i knew they'd just ignore me anyway, or i'd shrink back from social situations, in order to try to stop myself feeling left out again.. but because they didn't know that i was feeling left out to start with, they just interpreted my actions as me "not being bothered" about being a proper part of the family..
i'm not going to lie, i still get left out/forgotten about 75% of the time, but every now and again i do notice family members making a special effort to include me whereas before they would have just left it. its not perfect, but its much better than it was, and i feel a lot better having gotten it off my chest.. so i can only advise you to do the same and if things don't change after that then they're not worth your heartache over.

[WildChild]

You could try initiating things, instead of waiting to be invited in.