Sadness & grief

[mdraven380]

Today I'm feeling so sad because Sunday August 30th will be 6 years since my mother passed away. We were very close. I lived with her and found her passed away in the livingroom chair. On top of this it will be 1 yr since my brother in law died on September 23rd, then 1 year since my sister passed on Dec. 20th and my father just passed away July 23rd of this year. I only have one sister left and we are close. But This time of year brings up sadness for me on top of all the new grief that I now have to deal with. I keep praying to God to help me through this. I recently went through a rough time with my boyfriend, who I have been with for a one year and four months. We are patching things up and I am happy that he is still with me because I don't think I could bare another loss at this time.
It used to make me so happy to decorate for fall and my sister Diane would tell me how her husband( my brother in law) Mike would be decorating at the same time and we would laugh. Now I have all of their decorations and it makes me sad. I have everyones things who passed away and I like it that way but at the same time it is a constant reminder of all the loss. The chair that my mother died in still sits in the livingroom. The couch that my brother in law had his heart attack and died on is now in my livingroom. I try not to think of these things and I didn't want to throw away their things partly becasue I needed th furniture and becasue before Diane passed away she was in Kane hospital and told me that she just didn't want all of her belongings thrown away. I'm so sad and I miss my family so much! We were a very, very close family. We were on the phone or with each other all the time. Having holidays and shopping and just all kinds of time together. I just can not believe they are all dead. I go to counseling but it doesn't help much. Even though my boyfriend betrayed me back in May I'm still thankful that he is here with me. I would be completely alone becasue my remaining sister has her life with her husband. My niece has a husband and three children but they are always busy so I rarely see them and we don't talk that much. Sorry to ramble on about this it just that I needed to get it off my chest. I never imagined taht I would have to go through such great loss in such a short amount of time

[Joy]

I"m so sorry this has all come on you. One day it won't hurt so much until then keep talkin

[WildChild]

You've had quite a lot to deal with and may not feel ready yet but at some time you will have to let go of these things. You hold your loved ones in your memories but you are probably better off letting go of some of the "stuff". That doesn't mean throwing it away but rather passing it on to someone it can benefit. Every community has some group or organizations that assists people in need who may have lost everything in a fire or something. Why not call around and see if you can let some of this go?

There is a wonderful First American storyteller (storytellers, teach through stories) who travels the powwow circuit and one of the things he has spoken of many times is the letting go of the dead. I do not have his way with words but I think he is from one of the Northwestern tribes and explains the ancient tradition that one year after a death there should be a give away. This is a traditional honoring, with dance and food and all the possessions of the person who is gone are distributed to those who have a need or would appreciate them. This honors the one who is gone and the recipients as well. It is a good bye, a time of closure and marks the end of the grieving time. I've always thought it to be good tradition.

I'm not saying you should give everything away. Nor does this mean that you will ever forget any of them. You will hold them in your heart as long as you live but you cannot hold too tightly to possessions. No one who loves you would want you to. You have to live your life. They have moved on, you miss them, there will be times when you feel that more strongly than other times but being constantly surrounded may hold you too much in grief.
My mother died 30 years ago, this year, I still miss her. I was 21, I wish we could have know each other better as adults. But I thank her for the good things she gave me. While I have some possessions that were hers the most valuable things are her love and teaching (she too was a storyteller).

[mdraven380]

Thank you WC,
We did donate a lot of my sister and brother in law's things but I kept certain items because I did need them but maybe someday I can replace them with new things of my own.
I went to a Pow Wow years ago and found it very facinating.
What you siad about letting go does make perfect sense it's just kind of hard.
When my mom first passed away it took me a year just to change the sheets on her bed and I never washed the last spoon she ate with or the socks she wore. I finally just got rid of some more of her things this year that were no good. I wouldn't even through a piece of paper away if it had her hand writting on it. Then I started watching the show"hoarders" on A&E and thought I don't want to end up like those people who can't even walk through there house becasue they won't throw anything away.

I just feel so empty. I was looking otwards my bf to help me but ever since the incident where he was texting his ex things are not the same. I feel disillusioned. He is not as affectionate and all I want to do is eat. I'm gain weight back after working to get it off for the passed 2 1/12 years. This is depressing also. I can't believe I'm going back to my old habits. I just don't feel like he desires me or loves me the same anymore. It is getting to me and I feel alone. I never ever in a million years thought I would feel this way with him. I thought he was different and not like all the others before him. I truely believed in him and trusted him up until what happened. I never trusted men before him and now I feel like he is the same as all my past boyfriends. I'm so dissapointed. I feel disenchanted. I just wish there was a man out ther that would truely love me for me for alway and ever and never change. Why do they all change after about a year? I just don't understand this pattern? Every relationship I;m in ends up the same way. They all take me for granted and just ignore me as if I'm invisible no matter what I do. I'm always a nice person. I give 110% and get very little in return. Even have to ask for affection.

[WildChild]

Hard as it is, you have to let go. Start doing things for you. I'm a mother, I love my children with everything I've got, if I were to die I would want them to remember the good and how hard I worked to give them a good start, to support their intelligence and interests. I would want them to have joy and laughter and fun in their lives. I wouldn't want them holding on to my dirty dishes to remember me but rather to dance in the rain, light candles, roll down grassy hills, read good books, get out with freinds. That is what you need to do!