Gosh, Jacky, you certainly are deep into your problem and no doubt a lot of people will agree that wacky is a good nickname for you, as you make it seem well justified...
It seems you can't get over your losses and choosing that nickname indicates you have already lost your self esteem as well, Jacky, and that is the problem you have to overcome as you need a positive attitude of yourself before being able to deal with life...and any type of addiction as well...
I don't know a thing about these drugs you are dealing with and don't care to know either. You are seeing doctors and they do what they feel is best for you...that's their job...
You know, Jacky, everyone loses someone close to their hearts as that's life's cycle. Yet, we all must get past our mourning and get back on our feet again. If yours is to take the road to self-destruction, you will find it if not letting go of the past sadness...
My only thoughts are that you follow the advice of doctors and find an activity you really enjoy and make that your road to return your self-esteem, a positive self-image attitude and newer success for a better future independent of drug reliability...
I wish you well, Jacky, and know you can do it...just don't give up on yourself...
Sandra_does...



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Is there an anxiety program I can join where I don't have to a buy an online product? Oh well, thanks for trying to help....seems like I'll really have to think about it and look deeper for a solution.



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