He says he loves me BUT...the Truth!

[ladywolf]

He says he loves me BUT...the TRUTH!

No matter what the "but" is, ladies and gentlemen, it usually means that he or she does NOT really love you. I can't post on here very often--I get logged out constantly by my wireless system and my antiquated laptop--so I am seizing this opportunity to tell you what I've learned in 59 years of experience in relationships, both as a partner and a Psychotherapist...

If you have to wonder and ask if he loves you, he doesn't love you. If he is seeing someone else on the sly, he doesn't love you. If he makes constant excuses, he doesn't love you. If he slaps you around, he CERTAINLY DOES NOT LOVE YOU! If he absolutely SMOTHERS you with attention, he's not in love--he's a control freak, or pathetically low on the self-esteem scale.

Get the heck away from him and start building a new life for yourself, perhaps eventually with a new partner, but first, for yourself and by yourself. Life is too short to waste it with someone who doesn't really care. If he really loved you, you would KNOW it and not have to question it.

I could write for hours but an afraid that I'll lost what I've written so far, so that's tonight's installment!

Ladywolf--Margi, M.A.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, i can tell in addition there's a tad of "fed up there" on your side of the coin.

I do agree with this statement:-

If he really loved you, you would KNOW it and not have to question it.

Except... when I allowed that confidence to ooze and never asked, just knew, one day it slapped me in the face, with a comment, "I don't think I am in love with you".. yet he was the one who allowed me to KNOW and not question.

Now how to explain that to your intelligent and confident nature I wonder..... That being me...


So, I say, just don't question... Go with the flow, what will be, will be... always know that life is a lesson and each person is there for a reason...

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

I am in love with my boyfriend, there is no other way to describe the emotions I feel for him. I do smother him with attention, affection and everything else I can.... I don't think I am a control freak but I am pathetically low on the self-esteem scale. Can't you have low self-esteem and be in love at the same time? lol.

Sorry. You made awesome points and I'm being a brat here If you have to wonder if he loves you, the answer is PROBABLY not... however, if you worry all the time about everything and you worry about his love as well... you might just be a worry wort and he does really love you

[Kallygirlie]

I have to agree with everyone here. Hopeless dork does have a good point tho. Worry warts are just that, those who worry about everything. I've been known to be one yet once I found my man, all those worries just kinda dropped. I know he loves me with his whole heart and soul..I have faith in that, now I might worry about him a work or what not but not worry he doesn't love me. i might have hickups of wondering whats he really thinking about things but never doubting our love. now I actually dont agree with the smothering you with attention part. Honestly i think it depends on how its done. now if its pathetic and obvious he's doing because he's needy then ok, I agree with you but for example my boyfriend case. He wakes me up every morning he comes home from work when I'm off of work. I like being woken by him with a kiss, or he's sent me flowers at work many times just because he knew I wasn't feeling well, he's driven me an hr to work and picked me up just because I really didn't want to deal with the rd. iF i so much as have a frown on my face he's asking what wrong and as soon as i walk through the door when I get home he's standing by the door waiting to hug me. Yes it's smothering me with attention and I give it right back but sorry after a yr and a half, we still act like we just met last month, i think this is a good thing. All the rest of the points you made tho, i agree with 100%

[Hopeless Dork]

Me and my boyfriend are the same kally. You'd think we just started dating with the way we carry on and its been over a year. We're all over each other constantly, If he goes upstairs for even just a shower he will give me a smooch before hand most times. It is... pretty awesome.

[ladywolf]

Sorry if I sounded too forceful and unequivocal in my comments, folks. Yes, I WAS pissed off, but I was mostly pissed off at getting bumped out of this site about 40 times before I was able to post. I still think it's my system that is creating the constant error message, but there is "something" going on with this site, because this is the only site on which this happens. I didn't mean to write an angry post, and sorry if it came across that way...

By "smothering," I mean giving you attention you DON'T WANT that makes you uncomfortable. This is going on with one of my closest friends right now--her new boyfriend is acting like she's a total cretin and can't do anything for herself, and she is less than enchanted. I wasn't talking about the gooey, lovey stuff that we all adore, especially when it's mutual. I was talking about smothering, overwhelming attention--or, in the case of my last relationship--interference, micro-managing, control freak stuff.

He sure killed my pleasure in relationships--it's been four years since I screwed up the courage to leave him, and I've been with no one since then. I'm STILL recovering from the damage I allowed him to inflict on me for those five years!

Sure, there are those of us who worry all the time--I'm one of them. But in good relationships, I haven't worried much about whether or not the man really cared for me--I just knew he did. I worried about the day-to-day stuff, not the overall picture. (Two of these men have died.) I wasn't constantly plucking the daisy petals...does he, or doesn't he? (love me.)

It just occurred to me that there's a thread going on in a lot of posts where the woman seems to be banging her head against a blank wall, and doesn't get it yet that it's time to leave. I've been there and done that more times than I care to admit, so I have compassion for that situation, but it also makes me feel very sad.

Hope this clarifys what I meant. I can only write once a day from a friend's computer--I've given up on the "blank wall" of my own computer!

Ladywolf--Margi

[WildChild]

Weird, I experience no problems getting on the site these days. There was a period of time a while back when they were making some changes and some things got a little goofy but it's been fine since then. You might try cleaning out any bits of old software and out dated software, running a defrag and then a full security scan.

I had a major hard drive melt down last year and was have all sorts of odd stuff happen due to a worm.