broken up with because i'm "too fat"

**divaprincess** · 09-08-2009 10:36 AM

hello ladies,
well like the title reads, i got broken up with because i was too heavy.
Let me sort of set up the relationship in a few sentences: we have been together for 2 years, we have spent most of everyday together of those two years, it was like we were inseperable. We would share feelings, be passionate, romantic, everyone one could possibly want in a relationship, we talked about marriage, etc.
Now, i dont need to lie and say that i do not think i am overweight because I am and i voiced this to him (he is very athletic and fit) and asked him to help me out at the gym, dieting properly, etc. I have always had an issue with it but this was the first time where i just really wanted to lose weight not just for me but for us (he never voiced a problem about my weight). He said he was very proud of me for wanting to do that and wants to do anything to help me.
During the course of that, I started going to the gym regularly and lost 40 pounds in 3 months and still losing - AND all of a sudden i started to feel this void or like i wasnt wanted anymore. When i decided to finally speak up, he broke up with me and i asked him for a reason and he said "its because i am not attracted to you". Mind you, this is after 2 years of dating and instead of gaining weight, i lost weight. He said i was still too heavy and he just cant be with me because of it. I told him i am doing everything i can and not just sitting on my behind complaining about being heavy!!!
Now i am just angry with him because of what happened and i get this pit in my stomach everytime i think about our relationship of how i am too heavy for a man who has been everything to me and according to what he said vica versa.
I just wanted to know if there were any ladies on here with similar stories and what they did to get over it. Thank you!!!

**divaprincess** · 09-08-2009 10:51 AM

oh and i forgot to mention that i told him, after we broke up, that i now feel like a lot of the relationship was a lie/pretend because of the fact that if he is not attracted to me at a lighter weight, he obviously wasnt attracted when we first got together and he just gets angry because he said that it hurts to hear that because nothing he ever felt for me or did was a lie...
i am just so confused....

**Kallygirlie** · 09-08-2009 11:04 AM

Well back in 2003 I met a guy where I worked. We hit it off. We exchanged #'s and shortly began a 2 yr relationship. I moved into my own place while we were dating and he was always over my place. We had what I thought was a perfect relationship. When we got together I was about 135lb. as many know, the life on your own diet kicks in and all you can afford is cheap high fat and sodium things like ramen noodles, i put on about 20lbs. he slowly stopped coming around as often. From staying the night all the time to me barely being able to see him for 30 mins once a week. After 2 yrs he broke it off, just saying he needs alone time to be him. I was crushed to say the least. We talked here and there through out the next couple yrs and it wasn't until 2 yrs ago I asked him if my weight gain had anything to do with it and he said well it wasn't the main reason but yeah it had a roll in it. a few months later we talked on the phone and he asked me how much I weighted, I told him about 150 and he asked how much i was when we met, I told him 135. he then responded "give me a call when your 135 again". Honestly from that point the hurt turned to rage and I fueled it all into getting over him and I did. He called me up a few months later and said he wanted to hang out so he came over to my place. He complimented me on how I looked, this time I was about 180 but more toned, dressed better, contacts instead of glasses and shorter colored hair. He was about floored from the change. We hung out for a few hrs and he looked at me and said "why couldn't you be this girl back then", i simply said because the you put me through turned me into this girl. All of a sudden he started saying how he really meant it when he said he wanted to marry me and he just needed his time. I said oh really, thats nice cause i dont believe you every meant you wanted to marry me. Other than that day, himand i have talked a few times because he works in my favorite place to eat but now that I dont live in that town, i never see him and have no desire to. Honestly you just need to fuel your anger towards getting over him. Thats so horrible that he would do that to you. YOu were losing and he's still gonna to that. My guess is you'll soon find out he's with another girl. I'm so sorry hun. please stay strong

**Nats** · 09-08-2009 11:37 AM

I agree with Krys...He sounds like an uber jerk...He's got a side dish for sure...Thats the lamest excuse imaginable...As you're actively losing weight after a two-year relationship where you didnt lose anything, and now, NOW he has a problem...???? I got a little lost at the beginning of your post, thinking this is a guy that prefers bigger girls or something and, for whatever inane reason, didnt want to voice same...But nah, he just sounds stupid...YOU DO NOT NEED THAT KINDA DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE, miss...You keep doing your thing and dont let anyone, and I mean ANYONE, bring you down about the way you look...And congrats on the awesome results...You're an inspiration...

Clearly I have really taken this post to heart...inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale...

**Kallygirlie** · 09-08-2009 11:45 AM

LOL, I'm with Nats. Congrats on the weight lose. Just use this as motivation. Just imagine, looking totally hot and him seeing you, wanting you and you can gladly say, haha, if i wasn't good enough then, your not good enough now. LOL!!!

**divaprincess** · 09-08-2009 11:47 AM

thank you ladies for your encouraging words. I was just so dumbfounded when he had voiced that was the reason for breaking up with me... I mean i know he doesnt like very slim girls but i also know he doesnt like bigger girls either and i knew this and actively tried to change. Plus, i mean how can you be with someone for so long and NOW it bothers you?! i dont get any of that but i do not think i ever will. Oh well. I mean i do not want to be back with him anyway but at the same time it still really hurts.
Thank you ladies again, it made me feel better and reinforce my train of thought.

**Nats** · 09-08-2009 11:50 AM

Good for you...You are a true diva...Let him perish in the blinding glow of your beauty...

**Kallygirlie** · 09-08-2009 12:16 PM

honestly i dont believe his excuse for one minute. You have voiced that your weight bothered you, you look to him for help. He knew that your weight was something that bothered you so he used it when he wanted a free way out. My guess is he found someone else and was to chicken to tell you that so he took the cop out, easy way out. Pick on the one thing you dont like about yourself. You wouldn't question him because you feel it is true. There is no reason for him to be with you for 2 yrs then all of a suddenly not be attracted because you are to big when when you are losing wieght.

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-08-2009 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by Kallygirlie

honestly i dont believe his excuse for one minute. You have voiced that your weight bothered you, you look to him for help. He knew that your weight was something that bothered you so he used it when he wanted a free way out. My guess is he found someone else and was to chicken to tell you that so he took the cop out, easy way out. Pick on the one thing you dont like about yourself. You wouldn't question him because you feel it is true. There is no reason for him to be with you for 2 yrs then all of a suddenly not be attracted because you are to big when when you are losing wieght.

Agreed. What a total jerk. I'd say no loss. I don't think your weight became an issue to him, something else did. 2 years is a long time to suddenly notice he is unhappy with your weight. He could have just broken it off with you, without crushing your self-esteem in the process... now that is what makes him a TRUE jerk... one you will one day be ecstatic that you were freed from when you find the man that treats you like you deserve to be treated.

**just a little more** · 09-08-2009 03:33 PM

Honey, it sounds like there was another reason he left you besides your weight.

Especially if you LOST weight, and it was still a problem. If it was problem at first, the relationship wouldn't have even started in the first place...
If he is going to be that way, maybe you should find love some where else. It's going to be hard, very hard actually, but it will be for the better.