depressed, unemployed and scared

[dawndra]

HI..I am new here...seeking support.
I am 53 yrs old..kids grown and gone, grandkids halfway across the country.
I had a great business in the washington dc area and then moved 60 miles north and am trying to start all over again. I am a seamstress of 33 years. I had a great contract with a bridal store in Gaithersburg but had to quit because I could no longer take the abuse and the lying from the owner. I thought I was doing what was best for my mental health.

Now here I am struggling after 2 months of PR, websites, promoting the business, etc and am not getting things going where I now live and I am scared.

I am afraid I will loose all I have worked for. I am lonely and depressed and soemtimes just think it would be easier to end it all rather than go thru all this effort, fear and pain.

I dont know what to do anymore. I have gotten to the point that I dont want to try anymore as it does nto seem to work anyways.

All I want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. Even my dreams are tormented with visions of a baby who needs me and other sorted things...creepy things that dont make sense....

any words of comfort would be most appreciated.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Please, please go and see a Doctor immediately, you need something to calm you down and make you see a bright future ahead of you, not a dismal one that you feel is going to occur.

Your in a new place.
On your own.
No family.
Successful business - miles away

Yet, you got away from abuse and lying and you should feel safe and happy about that.

There are always solutions... You have 33 years behind you, type that to every single Bridal store...

Do you have to live 60 miles from where you were? If it offered more work for you apart from who you worked with, consider going back to the area, just not the job.

Dreams "DO NOT" mean what they state, rather seeing a baby who needs you, is you "at this moment, you've digressed back to safety" a babies life seems safe and it's you now and you as a baby, you are wanting to feel safe.

Stay with us here and let us help you.

Tell us what you have tried so far to get work and if you can organise a resume of those 33 years and send it off to every Bridal Store, is there on near you or more etc.

Thank you for joining this Forum..

There are some great people here that will stand by you through all of this.

Suicide is never the answer.

Let's find those answers for you.

CW

[dawndra]

I feel I have done all that I can..
I have sent resumes and business cards to all stores within a 30 mile radius, two are just starting to send me clients, but I am afraid it isnt enough.
I can not go back to the store I was with as I would only be further humiliated, I am glad that I took care of myself and got away from there, only now I wonder if it was the right thing to do.
I have seen a doctor, just yesterday as amatter of fact and am on medications since forever, and she is monitoring me..telling me it is just going to take time. I am not all that patient and I just see this dismal picture of me failing and loosing everything,

My history is one of abuse, my family back ground is such and i got away from there at 18 and married too young only to find myself in another abusive situation.After 8 yrs of marriage and two kids later, I left once he started hitting the youngest with a belt at the age of 2...

remarried 5 yrs later to a wonderful husband and father to my kids, but something snapped in him after 7 yrs and he got up one day, went to work and never came home. I beleive it was drugs, but it has left my daughters and I in disbelief for some time.

It has been 15 yrs since that last breakup..and I dont think I will ever remarry or get involved again. I have raised my kids on my own with my business income, there was no enforced child support back then.

My oldest daughter lives halfway acrosss the country with my grandkids and the youngest has decided to do with out me...I am supposed to act as if she is dead,,her words. SHe has had major drug problems, been in and out of jail, been thru rehab countless times and I can tell you I ahve done everything I possibly could to help her...therapy, special ed schools, visits to jail weekly and financial support which I have totally cut off as she is 29 and still behaving the same.

I feel my life is a mess...I was so successful before...if you google my name.dawn brooky
you will read how well I helped people with their bridal things.
I even created a website on my own...
I just feel like I am flopping around like a dying fish,.

today, I tried davids bridal, not hiring, I have applied to manpower for some temps jobs and see what comes of it.
I just dont know what else to do..
I hope I can keepcoming back her for support because I am terrified right now

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have sent resumes and business cards to all stores within a 30 mile radius, two are just starting to send me clients,

And, over time those two will see your work and give you more and more and you will be back in business.

I did look at your site it's great... Unfortunately I had to edit the address, although it wasn't a link it's still classed as advertising...

It's extremely hard to start all over and also age has something to do with it I think.. I remember recently falling a bit flat and making a decision to go it alone, I had to work hard for 3 momths to get things back on track but I did and they are...

I know that you've been told, "time" but that is the factor and the key. You already have started, it will all come to fruition you watch.

You've also had to deal with alot in your life and you are alone and I think that may be the hardest thing. This is a whole new life.. but look at it as that, and say yay.. it's a new beginning for me... because that is what it is.

Off course you can come back here daily, and write why not? And, we look forward to getting to know you as well...

CW

[Joy]

dawndra welcome to the forum New beginnings are hard but always worth it. There are always hard sacrifics and periods of uncertainity but so worth it.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter who abuses herself with drugs. You did a great job and you've given support way past the time most parents have to. It was her responsiblity to make good choices and she has the choice everyday to stand up and decide to be sober. She must find the strength to do that... you can't do it for her. All you can do is love her inspite of herself.

You know how to work hard and create beauty in your life and give beauty to brides and their families on a very special day.

Think back to all the beautiful things you've created over the past 33 years of your career and realize just how much beauty you have put out there for others to enjoy. Special touches you've placed on items you've designed and made people feel special and put a smile on their face.

They have pictures that make them smile for a life time and your creations and beauty are there through out there life to enjoy in those pictures.

All of that energy is there for you to call back and use at any moment that you need too. Draw on those positives and that strength.

Love yourself cause you are worth it. Look back at the bad and heal from it.... you've already lived thru that pain... now you can let it go and heal from it all.

Keep drawing on the beauty you've created over a life time both personally and professionally.

Have you considered moving closer to your other daughter and grandkids?

[dawndra]

thanks for all the caring and support..but dont stop til I get there..I can not do this alone...well..I dont want to do this alone...

I dont want to live where my daughter is and she does not want to live here...so 2000 miles apart we will be.

Please dont give up on me

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We're not going anywhere, you can count on that.

So, what is it like where you are now? Are there social things that you can get out and do?

The fact that your starting your own business all over again, is there any benefits you can receive?

Do you keep in touch with your daughter, via MSN, emails?

You can use this page as like a daily diary as well and we will reply still to it....

You know, women are always going to get married... just like houses are always going to sell.

That's the good part huh.. There are always positives to things and I am in awe that you already have two businesses, starting to give you work, and a site of your own.

Be proud with yourself and we will be here to travel the journey to your new success.

CW

[WildChild]

I've been a seamstress on and off and have had my own trademarked lable (didn't do much with it), it can be a tough business to earn a real living in. Have you considered applying to work in a fabric store? That could at least provide a regular pay check while you are building a business.

Hit the dry cleaners. they do alterations and such. Have a price list for things they may not do, like relining coats. What about wedding coordinators rather than bridal shops? Halloween is coming. Get on Craigslist and such to do costumes. Check with costume shops, could you fill a need for some specialty costumes? How about custom gowns for things other than weddings - with DC close at hand, there is always some big whoopty do going on? How about uniforms and costumes for all those Revolutionary war enthusiasts who re-enact battles and big historical events? (They often want something authentic that will stand up to real use) There are also vintage baseball teams - I used to do uniforms for those.

With the price of fabrics these days and cheap clothes available a lot of people don't sew but when you want something special, it's a good way to go. How about teaching classes?

Winter holidays are approaching are there craft fairs and such where you could sell things like custom doll clothes? Advertise to do matching child/doll outfits. How about custom talble linens and custom trimming towels? Can you do drapes and window covers - contact some designers, see if you can pick up some of the specialty stuff the big shops don't do?

Sit down and make a list of all the things you have sewed and related skills you have and then starting thinking outside your little box. You have a marketable skill, honed my years of experience. You need to learn to sell yourself. Put on a smile, down-in-the-dumps doesn't sell.

[dawndra]

Had a private client today...and at work yesterday, the owner told me he is so glad to have me at his shop and he will try to send all the work my way that he can. Adn told me to look out for the busy season..

Ifind myself reassured by his words that there will be work eventually... i am just not a patient person.

I find myslef so down and lonely today as I really have not made friends in this new town, I miss my daughters being little, I miss my grandkids totally. I feel all alone and isolated, y et I do know have the energy to go out and work on that. I am exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. I feel all I have has been drained right out of me....

[Joy]

Then take 2 or 3 days and rest if you feel mentally and physically drained. If you have no projects to complete in the next 2 or 3 days... and if you have no leads for projects that is ok. You need some rest by the sounds of it. Even if you feel panic at the thought of 2 or 3 days then just take a day and either sleep, meditate, read, a hot tubby with bubbles... or something you find rewarding.

A day walking around the downtown shops with a stop in some vintage stores.. and a cafe and just be in your environment... maybe you will meet a few interesting people to chat with.

I don't know how you spend your normal down time but if you are spending it worrying about money and bills... well you aren't giving yourself a mental break to be carefree for a moment.

good luck!