Im the other woman

[blondie621]

Ive been seeing someone for around 5 months now and we have a lot of fun but hes married. Ive known from day 1 and I always thought when we met it would be a quick, random thing ( I know this doesnt make me sound great but...) Anyway somehow 5 months passed and here we are still having this "relationship"
I dont know what to do, I know we aren't meant to be together and I know he will never leave his wife, I know I should run for the hills BUT there is something there. I know ill have to end it sooner or later but right now it doesnt seem like the right time. I just feel so guilty for what im doing, I have my own reasons and most of the time Im ok with it but some days I feel like such a . I dont know what to do, ending it isnt so simple

[OhThereYouAre]

You're making a of yourself.

Stop this madness before it gets worse.

The man has a wife...does he have kids? What kind of example are you and him setting for his children?

You know he's never going to leave his wife - so what are you sticking around for?

Move on.

[Kallygirlie]

ok so OTYA said it a bit more bluntly then I but you have to end ASAP. Think of it this way. If you were married, would you want your husband to be cheating on you? I'm guess it wouldn't bother you to much if that happened because you're willing to be the other women. You say you feel guilty somedays and then others you're ok. How can you really be ok knowing that this guys is a liar and a cheat. Do you think he wouldn't dump you for the next person. Obviously he has an issue with commitment. You said your self, you know you are meant to be so end it already. Personally I think the wife has a right to know her man is doing this to her cause she needs to kick him to the curb. Cheating for 5 months? Thats just sick.

[WildChild]

You also need to take a good long look at why you are willing to be in this? It is a way of avoiding commitment, you know he can't and won't.

[kms]

You said you want to stay because there's 'something there.' What is it exactly? Is it simply physical attraction? Compatibility? An understanding friend? If you can sort out what exactly makes you stay, then you can start to look around and see that these things aren't 'owned' by one unique individual in the entire world - there are a lot of great people out there that won't lead you down a path of disappointment, heartbreak, and regret.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ive been seeing someone for around 5 months now and we have a lot of fun but hes married. Ive known from day 1 and I always thought when we met it would be a quick, random thing

No commitment, freedom, a bit of fun, you don't have to love un-conditionally, a friend, benefits, married, so easy, he can't make you want him and so your safe, you can't get hurt right?

Anyway somehow 5 months passed and here we are still having this "relationship"
I dont know what to do, I know we aren't meant to be together and I know he will never leave his wife,

You were wrong weren't you.. 5 months means you actually gained feelings. So, now you know that you can't go into a "fling" or "affair" or "relationship" without it being just that, a relationship, emotions get involved your not as tough as you thought you were...

I know ill have to end it sooner or later but right now it doesnt seem like the right time. I just feel so guilty for what im doing, I have my own reasons and most of the time Im ok with it but some days I feel like such a . I dont know what to do, ending it isnt so simple

Now your being selfish.. The reason why you went into this, is not the reason why you are now in this. It is the right time, because you came to a Forum to start to let it out, so you can seek thoughts and courage to end it...

Off course you feel guilty because so much time has passed and you wonder " if that was me, his wife how would i feel?"...

Regardless of what those reasons are, lonliness, financial assistance, it's time you stood on your own two feet and realised your own self worth... Those guys are dimes in a dozen, same as those who use women and never call them again, probably what you were fearful of and why you started this mess..

Ending it is very simple, change your locks, change your mobile phone number, tell him that you have told your family, including his name and trust me, he will disappear...

The last thing he wants is to be caught out.

The main thing he will do, is try to profess a love of sorts for you and convince you to stay, for two reasons:-

1) Sex he's not getting at home - "feel used now?"

2) Fear that once you have moved on you may tell his wife...


So, great you are a in-fact a burdon as well as a sex toy... That's great isn't it?

As I said, if your reasons are for financial rewards he provides, help with money, items, gifts, then stand on your own two feet.

There is NO other reason for a woman to state she "has" to stay with a married man ..

Love may be an "excuse" but at the end of the day, you can't have what is not yours. And, everyone, absolutely everyone who tells me they will never find anyone better DO... and all of a sudden, I get, wow, he's everything I dreamed of... you will.

CW

[stressed]

I will PM you...

[GlitterAndStuds]

Maybe it's just me, but I never thought "friends with benefits" situations ever worked for anyone... and they work even less when it's with someone who is married, for obvious reasons.

You always run the risk of becoming attached, which is bad enough with a single guy if you know it's not going anywhere. When you get emotionally attached to a married guy, it's just a mess. I think we can all understand how hard it is to break away from someone when there's "something there"... but whether that something is there or not, the circumstances just don't allow it to go the way you want.

It really does need to end. It sounds to me like you're still trying to convince yourself a little bit that you're fine with just having fun with him and it can't be anything. But you're obviously bothered by that. In a way though (and I don't mean to sound like a B when I say this), it's really not your place to be bothered by it or contemplate it. He's married to someone else that he has no intention of leaving. It's a waste of your time, time you could be spending with someone who only wants to be with you.

Good luck.

[happy ending]

you know what you have to do, before his wife finds out, i just hope there arent any children involved, you know he is using you for excitement, an ego boost - ive still got it etc, fresh sex, whatever. is that what you really want?

[blondie621]

No commitment, freedom, a bit of fun, you don't have to love un-conditionally, a friend, benefits, married, so easy, he can't make you want him and so your safe, you can't get hurt right?

Yeh i admit this is probably why im doing it, still trying to recover from someone who broke my heart. I know its wrong but at the same time I live in a society where this is pretty normal behaviour (that doesnt make it right) and without exagerating there are very few single men around, again this doesnt make it right but what do i do?

Yes, I can dump him and stay far away from him but the fundamental problem is still there, the fact is an unavailable guy cant hurt me...