my boyfriend broke my ankle :(

[Kakie]

okay, before i begin i'd just like to say that this is not a case of domestic abuse, there were no ill intentions - it was a total accident..

to cut a long story short we were mucking around, play fighting, he was trying to pin me down, tickle me, etc and he ended up snapping my ankle. hes quite a lot bigger and stronger than me, im quite surprised nothing like this has happened before to be honest.. so, i know he didn't mean to do this, hes totally devastated about it, he feels so bad and is always apologising and running around after me (as it will be a while before i'm doing much running!).. i *know* he would never intentionally hurt me, hes not like that... but, even though i know all this, i can't seem to be normal around him anymore? if we're sat on the sofa and he makes any kind of gesture towards me, however loving, i instinctively shrink away.. i know hes not violent, i know hes never going to intentionally hurt me.. yet i can't seem to get past the thought that he might...

i suppose my question is how do i do this? has anybody ever been in this situation? either with someone who has intentionally or accidentally hurt them? do you ever trust them again? is it something that simply fades with time? is there anything i can do to hasten it? i know he has noticed my reaction and it hurts him to think that i don't trust him anymore..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ouch...

Take care sweet.

You know it's only fear and so therefore, you have to get over that...

It's fear of him being stronger, bigger, etc.

It's simple as well... No more play fights, have pillow fights instead....

Don't withdraw from him, he's feeling guilty enough as it is and more than likely it was the twist in the way in which you moved which triggered the break not the heaviness of him...

For the time being you just have to tell him that you fear his weight and so no more playing until you can come to terms with that fear and re-assure him that it's okay and you love him.

CW

[LanaBear]

I think it is something that over time you will gradually get over. If you honestly know it was an accident, I would try not to be so disturbed over it. Things happen unfortunately.

Something similar happened to me but not that extreme. We were on vacation a few years ago and my husband threw a frisbee at me, it hit me right in the eye and turned black immediately. I went back to work with a black eye and boy oh boy is that an uncomfortable situation. People automatically jumped to conclusions of domestic abuse, etc.

He felt so bad, but like I said, things happen. I never thought for one moment to be apprehensive towards though.

It was an accident, it could have very well been the other way around. My MIL broke my FIL's ribs accidentally...

[dr.mansview]

accidents will happen..tell him if it makes him feel better you will kick him in the 'nads

[Kallygirlie]

I agree with CW. You have alot of fear but if you know it was an accident then you shouldn't shut him out. He feels alot of guilt and by shrugging him off, thats just going to make him feel worse. Try to push past is and accept his apologize. Take are of that ankle

[stressed]

I've been through domestic abuse and I'm currently with a man much stronger and bigger than me; we also playfully fight/struggle/throw objects at each other (i.e. empty cig packs at each other) etc. In fact, only a few hours ago he threw that empty cig pack right on my head, but he didn't think he'd get me so he felt very guilty about it and apologized for 5 mins (I wasn't annoyed at all, it was just for fun).

The thing is, when you are with a man who's much stronger and bigger than you you may wonder during heated arguments that if he'll get too angry and hit you you may pass out. I think it's a natural thought. However, when domestic violence comes up it's a totally different feeling. When that happens you feel that he is going to do it again and if he hurts you intentionally then your views towards him will change, regardless his size. In fact, I think that the bigger a man is the more aware of his strength is too and if he truly loves you he will know for sure that if he hurts you intentionally it might be something serious, no matter if he's angry or not, and therefore he just won't do it.

What I'm trying to say is, accidents can happen, I'm certain it will happen to me too because some times we playfully struggle quite tough and once I slapped him hard in the face without meaning to (felt terrible for the rest of the day), but if you guys love each other and communicate, share your feelings and get along, then you have nothing to be worried about. If he becomes violent at any stage then it will have nothing to do with his build or the fact you are smaller than him, it's a mental condition more than a physical advantage that leads to violence. Your man must feel awful now for doing this to you and he might need even more support than you do :-) I'm sure you will get over it within a short time and I bet that as soon as you're ready for more play fighting you won't give up :-)

[stressed]

I don't know if it helps, but my current guy has grabbed me by the throat and dropped me on the floor once. He was drunk and we were into a silly argument. He's stopped with drinking ever since. It took me months to get over it but now I trust him again and I've haven't worried about him being violent again.

[danceintx]

I'm sure once your ankle is not in pain and in a big cast, boot thing, you will get past it. He seems like he is willing to do whatever it takes to make it right, and once you don't have the physical reminders, you will be fine.

[GlitterAndStuds]

I agree, once you're healed and your ankle feels better, you will probably feel better too. And maybe a part of it is that you feel bad over HIM feeling so bad, if that makes sense. So you don't want to make him feel worse by having something else happen by accident.

It was completely unintentional on either part. You know full well it was an accident. I'm sure you will feel better once you're able to run around again

It happens all the time. Actually just the other day, my boyfriend went to tickle my foot (a BIG no no!) and I spazzed out and kicked him in the face, and now he has a fat lip. I feel so bad about it, but that stuff happens. It's good that you guys know how to have fun and be silly together at least