Chat room mistresses

[starrloch]

So what is the verdict of chat rooms for married men? my hubby of ten years has been chatting (inappropriately - sexually etc.) with two girls he works with. one he sees every day and one is married and she is on maternity leave with her second kid who sent topless pics (showing her lovely torpedos from breastfeeding.) let's just pray that the child doesn't have my hubby's eyes.

I'm confused by it and i do find it threatening but mostly because he would rather talk to them then spend time with me and our 3 year old girl. he says he just needs to relax after a hard day work. He shovels his food down so he can race downstairs and sit anxiously by the computer waiting for one of them to come online. (Exaggeration - yes, but you get the drift.)

what do i do? i told him i was going to get an online boyfriend (anyone interested? lol) and he wasn't very impressed. Ok men, answer me, why the double-standard???

confused and not sure what i should do if anything ... i just don't want this to lead somewhere. i don't like the idea that he sees these girls at work. you know??

[Kallygirlie]

I can completely understand where you are coming from here. I would really consider talking with him. I wouldn not except this at all. One of them has sent him topless photos, OH NO!!! This is surely not just a friendship. At least not one I would be comfortable with. I think a sit down serious talk is in order, if that doesn't work, pull the power cord off the computer and hide it. LOL!!!

[WildChild]

Send those photos right back at her with a thank you for supporting breast feeding, as it is so healthy for the baby. Tell her a story or two about the two of you and your little one and say you hope to meet her hubby one day as you have a thing or two you'd like to show him? That ought to get her at least wondering if not panicing.

[HALFNOTHING]

If they are seeing each other, that is no longer chat room mistress.. he should relax with his family. isn't he find you relaxing as his wife? my hubby wants to go home though right in the work just to feel relax by hugging me..

i agree with kally, you really need a serious talk. chatting is no longer chatting when you the two are known each other personally. this is really threatening. don't wait until he moved out with your door..

mom also has a point of sending the photos back to her.. or you can send it to her husband.

if i were you, i will slap him with the computer.. give him a threat..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chat room mistresses are way less dangerous, lets face it.. They are people you don't know. These are women from work that he flirts with on line, that he sees...

He is offering excuses whilst ignoring you and your child and trying to make you think, it's Ok.

It's not okay.. You don't like it, so it's not ok.

He works with them, so it's not okay.

One is married so it's not okay.

There is a borderline with flirting and he's disrespecting you to start with.

I would cause problems. Because all your doing is sitting back, making jokes here (cute by the way), but secretly feeling very down about it and worried it will lead to something else.

If you give him that power, it will.

Prove the point and ask him what the husband would do if he found out, would he come and punch him in the face?

And, then tell him that he's disrespecting you, looking at another pair of boobs that aren't yours ..

And, if he can't see that, then you are going to start to look at a male's parts that aren't his, via the internet as well.

CW

[OhThereYouAre]

He's crossed the line.

Whatever happened to your marriage vows?

He's messed up in so many ways:

Chatting online and in person inappropriately with co-workers....accepting naked pictures, neglecting his wife and his daughter.....

This isn't simple relaxation....I'm sure because of this, your sex life has been suffering badly.

There is no double standard here - it seems as though you haven't said much about this- so he's taking full advantage of that fact.

You need to let him know how you feel.

I personally wouldn't accept *any* of that type of behavior.

[Frustr8ed]

He's crossed the line.

Whatever happened to your marriage vows?

He's messed up in so many ways:

Chatting online and in person inappropriately with co-workers....accepting naked pictures, neglecting his wife and his daughter.....

This isn't simple relaxation....I'm sure because of this, your sex life has been suffering badly.

There is no double standard here - it seems as though you haven't said much about this- so he's taking full advantage of that fact.

You need to let him know how you feel.

I personally wouldn't accept *any* of that type of behavior.

Ditto

[stressed]

I agree with everything that has been said. You have given him far too much space to act like a fool and you have accepted the fact that other women have their fun with your husband. This would have been unacceptable even if he didn't know these women, but the fact he does it makes far too worse. You should not be confused, you should be mad at your husband for allowing this to happen. Start acting before it becomes a long term problem. But be prepared that even if you sit down and talk with him about it he may still chat with them in secret, he seems to be addicted to chatting.

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think these are chatroom mistresses... these are women in his daily real life. I would think it cheating if he were doing this with anonymous strangers on the internet... much more so that its women he actually knows.

Sending topless pics of her engorged nursing breasts? Talk about tacky ugh... and he see's these ladies all the time. No its not appropriate, yes its a form of cheating and very disrespectful to boot.

If you have no prob with the online flirting... tell him to stick to anonymous chat room girls and not co-workers --- that is terrible.

[starrloch]

Thank you so much everyone. just talking about it has made me feel better about the situation. we actually talked a lot on the way into work this morning (45 min drive -ugh) and he said if it bothered me that much he would stop. he told me he had already toned down his conversations with them since he realized it was being awful to me. we are going through a huge rough patch. 10 years in on friday. going to go away without the little one for the weekend to a lovely beach villa and talk a lot and fool around to. maybe see if this is what we both want. it's very hard when you love someone so much and just hope they feel the same because no matter what you never truly know. he (we) have had a lot happen to his family within 3 years (lost dad, nan & bro, sister got married and we are in canada his family in england.) he has a lot of guilt that he carries around for not being there for his mom and sister. i think we just really need to start getting back to being us and not letting all the pressure get to him. and it's hard when there's a little one, sometimes it's easy to focus on her instead of us. so will update you after the weekend :-) hopefully things will look brighter. they already do thanks to his opening up this morning and these words of support and advice that you have all so freely shared. thank you so much, truly.