Revenge! A question???

[mymirrose]

I have a question for all, what do ya'll think about revenge and any good ideas?
Have any of you gotten revenge? How? I try not to be (vengeful?sp) because I can be very mean and then I feel bad about it (collateral damage), but it is either that or ending up hurting myself.
If not revenge, any ideas to get rid of the slowly building anger?

[Kallygirlie]

revenge is really not the best answer. What do you really get from it. I never have the heart to hurt someone else and thats really what you are doing with revenge. With that being said, Its not like I have never thought of it, just never followed through. Have you looked deep inside yourself and try to find the root to my you get so angry and vengeful? The best thing I've found to avoid my anger is finding something I enjoy doing. When I start boiling over, I retreat to my hobby. I would say yoga and meditation but not many people believe it works. I personally think it does. When my boyfriend really ticks me off, I color my hair. its something I started doing after the anger of my Mom passing starting getting to much (it was the only thing I could control). Lets just say when my boyfriend comes home the next day and see my colors changed, he's learned to know he did something. I also get in my car and drive. It really makes me feel like I'm leaving the issue in the dust. Just be careful not to be a crazy person on the rd.

[WildChild]

Anger is a choice, usually a poor one. Revenge is worse. Correct the situation, remove yourself or is those aren't possible; accept that it is what it is, find a way to cope short term and work to change it long term.

[mymirrose]

Thank you for your responses, yes, I know anger is a choice and how you deal with it is a choice also. I used to deal with it by hurting myself, I can always find a way to blame myself for most things. I have come a long way in not doing that, but I am in a position where I cannot "remove myself" from the situation, no vehicle to just "get away" and having to put up with what is making me angry. Deep down, I know I am angry at myself also, for letting certain things go, for trusting, but the anger is still there and needs to be dealt with. Physical activity can wear your body out, but doesn't stop your mind. Sleep depravation is an evil thing, makes your mind less controlable..... I guess I need to decide if I could live with myself if I did get revenge.

[Kallygirlie]

revenge is never the answer. I can understand how you feel trapped in your situation but there are always ways to deal with it. When you were hurting yourself, did it make the problem go away or was it more a temp relief? Most people who do that find themselves having to hurt themselves over and over because the issue never goes away. Further more, revenge will be the same way. You will continue to need to do things to others to keep the anger from overflowing in you. Further more, the regret of hurting someone else could hurt you more than you could imagin. I think you truely need to find something to take your anger out with. You may not have a car but do you not have any form of trasportation out of the situation. Why cant you just walk away from it. Trust me, my best friend is in a wheel chair, and when she was livin in my second floor apartment, she would drag herself, chair and all, down the stairs to get away when she was angry. so whats keeping you from walking away?

[OhThereYouAre]

Sometimes the best "revenge" is self improvement.

[WildChild]

Why don't you give a clearer idea of what you are dealing with? Sometimes when you are in a situation it is difficult to see it fully; can't see the forest for the trees sort of thing? I'd be willing to bet you could get some good feed back on ways of coping or changing the situation.

[mymirrose]

I am still dealing with the backlash of my last SO, who I have posted about before, when I tried to kick him out, he wouldn't go, so I moved myself and my child out. From big house to small apt. After supporting him and putting up with his ****, him stealing $$, drugs, etc, I am now financially unstable, don't have a vehicle, while he is now making enough $$ to pay me back (but doesn't) I am struggling to just survive. He has family asking me why I kicked him out and that he loves me and wants to come back. I have explained to them what happened (they say they understand because he did it to them too) but he has changed and I should give him another chance. Finding out that he had 2 girlfriends while with me has really broken the proverbial straw. They actually called me and asked ME to put in a good word for them because they can't get in touch with him. I asked the 2nd one if she new about the first, she didn't, so she hasn't called me again, but the first one still calls every once in a while to ask if I have heard from him. So really, him, his family & his ex-girlfriends are making this situation intolerable.
I do have moments were I am just glad to be out of the relationship and want to let sleeping dogs lie, but sometimes I just want to kick the out of that sleeping dog, wake him up and make him feel what I am feeling!

[Kallygirlie]

I can totally understand your pain and anger on this situation but revenge isn't going to make them all go away, or make him pay you back. Might as well except you'll never see that money because 80% of people dont pay back money they owe a friend, family or ex. It's sad really. I think the best thing you could possibly do is focus on you. You were able to get that house at one point, you'll be able to do it again. I'm sorry you have to basically start all over. If his family and ex keep calling you, then change your number. I just talked my boyfriend into changing his number, its easier to give your new number back to the people you want to have it then to deal with drama knocking all the time. I think you should just put him and all his drama in the past and start striving to move forward with your life with your child

[mymirrose]

I did change my number, I actually changed phones & companies, but we have enough mutual friends, that he was able to get it. In my line of work, my phone number is used almost as much as my office phone number.
And I know it won't make anything go away, but I still think I would enjoy most of it. I quit hoping to be paid back long ago, but I guess you always hold out hope that people will do the decent thing. Oh well, break those rose-colored glasses.