Actions louder than words?

[AloneNtheCrowd]

Hi everyone, I'm a guy trying to get better perspective on something. Ok My GF of about a year seems to have a very low sex drive, which is not the end of the world, I can get over it..... but about 5 months in she started hinting and commenting about how she is "sooo" sexual, and had sex "constantly" with her ex. This is totally at odds with how she actually acts! She almost never initiates, and a lot of times doesn't seem that reactive at all. I think I'm very "her" oriented in that department, but it just seems like she's not into physical affection. I feel like I'm harassing her or that she is waiting for me to make a move, I really can't tell! It's like she could care less if we did or didn't! It's hard to be passionate when someone just lays there watching you like a statue! I'd be fine if she hadn't brought it to my attention that she has been a very different person with other people... She says she it is I'm too big and take too long...Is that common? We do have very busy lives though- kids, full time work, still living separately. Otherwise we get along great, and have been talking seriously about a buying a house, marriage and future plans. What does this mean? Is it just me? Is she not actually attracted to me? Just exaggerating? Too stressed out? I can go into more detail if it will help... Please any insight will help!

[Ahryin]

What do you mean too big? what do you mean...take to long? Please answer this before I give my honest opin...but you might not like it...I'm the blunt one of the group..lol

[Hopeless Dork]

Maybe she told you those things so you wouldn't think she was frigid , etc. It may or may not be true that she was sexual with her ex, you'll never know. You mention you're living seperately are your kids both of yours? I'd think long and hard about marriage to someone with a different sexual compatibility. Read these forums for tales of those that hoped things would get better down the road and they did not.

Some people just don't like sex, and if you can be in a relationship with someone that doesn't and it won't lead you astray... if you love her more than sex and could accept the fact that she may never be sexual or if you guys have kids together and are trying to be a family then of course I say stick it out...

If its just your concern that she isn't attracted to you or something, I can understand that. When someone doesn't want sex with you, its hard to feel sexy desirable and wanted.

Does she masturbate?
Is she able to have an orgasm?

If the answers are yes to those.. then you just need to work with her on finding positions that can please her despite your size being too big for her, using lube if necessary and work on picking up the pace if extended love-making is hurting her, etc.

If the answer is no to those... uphill battle you are in.. if she doesn't respond sexually to even her own touches its not likely she will understand, know, be able to tell you how to touch her sexually in a way that pleases.

Don't worry about whether or not she was sexual with her ex. Can I ask her age? Is she on medications? Struggling with weight issues? Drinking excessively? Self-esteem issues? Any depression? Something may have changed between when she felt sexual to now within herself that has nothing to do with you or how attracted she is to you.

[WildChild]

This doesn't sound too promising. You've been willing to deal with this for a year. Will you really be willing to deal with it for life? If she was really into it, she'd be letting you know. We horny women tend to get a little tense when we aren't getting any and a woman who is into sex, even if she is shy, will be responsive. Either she really isn't all that into you or she's not all that into sex (at least not with you) Definitely get this sorted out before you get in deeper. It rarely gets better later. HD asked some good questions.

[danceintx]

What do you mean too big? what do you mean...take to long? Please answer this before I give my honest opin...but you might not like it...I'm the blunt one of the group..lol

Lol, that's like being too rich!! Just kidding, Lol.

Ok, honestly, whether she was sexual before or not, you have a problem with the fact she isn't now, and you guys need to figure that out. You have to get her to talk about it.

[AloneNtheCrowd]

Thanks for all the feed back! Ok to answer some or your Q's:
She says my penis is too large( judging from some other threads I'm above average), and I take too long to orgasim- I'm not so sure about that...
I have 2 kids(5 & 8) from a previous marriage and she has one(7) which is part of the reason we are being careful about moving in togather and combining 2 families to quickly...
She is 27, I'm 29. She was on Zolopht when we meet and came off of it in the first 2 months of the relationship.
She masturbates, and use to a lot before I came around, she has 3 vibes. And she does orgasm when we are togather, weither during intercourse or from oral. I use to always try to take her there from just oral alone but she seems to be like a man, in that after one "O" she's done for the day. I have a theory that it may be something emotional/mental, and she might not want to let that side of her out due to associations with past hurt..but what do I know? I know I have a hight sex drive and like to be very playful and affectionate, but I'm not demanding, if she is on the low end I wish she'd be honest about it. Thank you all for the advice, I'm going to do some hard thinking about all that you all have said....

Ahryin, feel free to be blunt I'll take harsh reality to kind words anyday!

[OhThereYouAre]

Thanks for all the feed back! Ok to answer some or your Q's:
She says my penis is too large( judging from some other threads I'm above average), and I take too long to orgasim- I'm not so sure about that...
I have 2 kids(5 & 8) from a previous marriage and she has one(7) which is part of the reason we are being careful about moving in togather and combining 2 families to quickly...
She is 27, I'm 29. She was on Zolopht when we meet and came off of it in the first 2 months of the relationship.
She masturbates, and use to a lot before I came around, she has 3 vibes. And she does orgasm when we are togather, weither during intercourse or from oral. I use to always try to take her there from just oral alone but she seems to be like a man, in that after one "O" she's done for the day. I have a theory that it may be something emotional/mental, and she might not want to let that side of her out due to associations with past hurt..but what do I know? I know I have a hight sex drive and like to be very playful and affectionate, but I'm not demanding, if she is on the low end I wish she'd be honest about it. Thank you all for the advice, I'm going to do some hard thinking about all that you all have said....

Ahryin, feel free to be blunt I'll take harsh reality to kind words anyday!

I think you're right. Sounds like she's making excuses to get out of having sex.
Your partner's body will adjust to your size after a short time. And if she's getting hers, she shouldn't be complaining about how long it takes you to have yours.

It's probably something mental with her. You're gonna have to talk with her and figure it out.

Since she masturbates, that tells me it isn't a sex drive thing. And if it is, you should ask her why she is wasting her sexual energy alone or on toys when you are willing and ready.

Good luck man- you have a good attitude...that in itself goes a long way.

[Kallygirlie]

at first I would say maybe she's just doesnt like to be verbal about having sex but after a yr this should have passed. Being to big is bull. after a yr she would be well adjusted by now. If she used toys then she has a sex drive and it sounds like to me she for some reason is making excused not to have sex with you. If she's had depression issues in the past, could this be surfacing again? Depression can pull a couple apart if you dont watch it. I

[AloneNtheCrowd]

Thank you all for the insight! We'll just have to have a straight forward serious talk about it....

[nightqueen]

Telling you that you're too big and you take too long is kind of mean. Sounds like you pleasure her, so, it seems rude to complain about that. If I were you I would think really, really carefully about moving in/marriage. Do you want to be dealing with this forever?