Yeah I agree, it's not the nicest thing to say! It's actually got me looking at other aspects of our relationship. I don't know yet, but I am going to focus on taking her to an even higher level of pleasure... maybe she's just not really satisfied or having a good time and is just trying to spare my feelings....
That could be. She's not sparing your feelings, but I agree, it she's unhappy about something then sex might not be good for her.Originally Posted by AloneNtheCrowd
Alone - you are not...I love your approach and attitude...you really seem open to working with you partner to solve the problem...but, being a guy who is in a sexless marriage, I will caution you to do your best to solve this now because going forward in your relationship with this broken will only bring you a world of pain...sex is not everything but it is an important component to a healthy relationship and, therefore, should not be discounted...I did many years ago and have been paying an emotional price ever since...
Yeah I agree 151, I don't want to be stuck in an unhealthy situation.. but otherwise things seem to be going well with us. Hopefully when we talk about it this weekend I'll know more. Have any of you ladies been it this situation, or acted in a similar way? Could her sex drive just be shut down due to past issues? Is that common? I guess I really should be asking her all of this lol! Thank you all for listen, I helps to get it off of your chest! I hope things improve for you 151....
Yes a woman can shut down. Speaking for myself, situations of abuse, neglect, being disregarded for a long time or repeatedly, can certainly do it. In my own case that would have to be coming from the man I'm with but I would imagine that if she is carrying a load of unresolved issues it could certainly have an effect.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
my opinion
If she has children that may be why her sex drive changed. I have a one year old and I could care less to do it at all. It is not resentment or anything emotional like that, I just do not get horny any more. It happens, but all you can do is make her comfortable enough to talk openly and honest with you. Good Luck!
Thanks WildChild & Sachavt22... I don't think it's due to having a child, by her own account she was very sexual before we meet, and her daughter is 7. I think it has something to do with her last ex... She was deep in love, he was married, it ended because he had yet another women on the side in addition to her. I came along almost immediately after all of that happened. I'm worried that because she gave herself to him so completely and was hurt now she has closed off herself from me... but we have been together a year... I will keep you all posted... thanks for all of the advice!
If that's the case, I think she is just being very guarded. It may take her a while to get out of it. However, there are different definitions of "a while", yours and hers.
Continue to talk with her, let her know you're a steady presence in her life, etc. Hopefully it will work out how you want it to in the end.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Update
Thanks everyone for all the good advice and support! We talked about it a little, and it seems it is the ex. She said she completely changed after that situation went south, and sort of shut down.... she reassured me it wasn't me and even stroked my ego saying physically/sexually I'm just want she has been looking for... the issue is more mental. Guarded like you said LanaBear. I know she's been hurt and she may be still hurting a lot more than she lets on.
Progress! I love her and am willing to stick it out if this is the case. I was mostly afraid of her being with me because I'm "a good catch" so to speak, and not out of real love and respect... so this seems good
I'm glad you two talked and she was able to reassure you. At least she is willing to talk about it and hopefully from here on out, since you've opened up the communication more, the relationship will just get better and better.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
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