why won't my husband talk to me ?

[ginnys]

My husband and I have been married for 5 year we have 3 kids together. I just found out that my husband was cheating on me. The only reason I found out was that I found an email account that I never seen befor. I guess his password and found email from are friend and him “love emails” Here is a copy of one this is from my husband (AS I lay here in bed thinking about u before I close my eyes I rember last sat morning we did not think about any thing but each other. I wish we could do that every day of the week 24 7.) Over 150 emails said that they love each other. I found the email on a Friday at noon and she was coming over for dinner. Later that day I went to my Sep sister house and told her about what I found and told her I was crazy for thing this. No I was right we were cheating on me... I went home later that night and she was there my husband had to pick her up because she did not want to drive. I did say a word because my kids... my step sister call her the B word and she told Shawn to drop her off at a bar near her house. So my step sister and I went to the computer and printed ALL the emails and I told her that I wanted to find him... So we drove pass her house and no sigh of the drove pass the bar no sigh of the there. I told my step sister that he was having sex with her down a gravel road the first dead end gravel road we see we took... Guess what we found him... My step sister would not let me out of the car .. my husband must of drop are friend off we all of home and I asked him if he was having sex with her and he told me no and I showed him the emails and he told me yes he was and it was only 2 time .. at first he was telling sorry and a week later he won’t kiss me or let me get close to him or tell me that he love me .. I love this man and it hurts that he wont talk to me .. I ask him why and he says that he need time .. I just don’t know want to do .. What should I DO !

[CHANDLERS WISH]

150 emails is alot, a way lot... There wasn't 2 times and you are saying she was invited over for Dinner at your house? This was planned and you know that.

Whether you love him or not, he has cheated, he's been intimate and worse, he invited her into the marital home, disrespectful to the hilt, thinking you wouldn't know and she went along with it as well.

He's into her at the moment and I am not saying "love" I am saying into her.

If you have had trouble with laughing and loving your man and visa versa if you really think about it, 3 kids, 5 years marriage he strayed.

Can you get all of that back to where it was at the beginning?

Yes, probably, if you realise where it all went wrong.

If you kick him out as it's inevitable that he will persue this girl and see if he realises later what he had..

And, if you realise that you don't deserve to be treated this way and state so...

Sitting back and "trying" to make him want you etc, will not work.

Absense.

Time will tell and then you have to decide if you want this man whom bought this woman into your home, really in your life. You need time as well.

Think about it.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

Things is... many of these affairs feed off the seedy nature, the sneaking around all that excitement. Now that its out in the open it won't carry the same tune. Sometimes the 'Oh I wish I had you all the time' longing... is what keeps the fire... knowing he can go be with her, knowing its not a secret eh, it will lose the appeal for one or both of them.

He won't tell you he loves you, ask yourself why you would believe him if he did say it. He "needs time"... what a crock. In other words, you sit and wait while he figures out what he wants and if its not you .. tough caka and if it is you , you had better be right there at the edge of your seat on pins and needles waiting.

No. You love him and this hurts you and I bet a small part of you wishes you didn't even know --- that you could go back and live in blissful ignorance. But was it that? Before you found the emails were things wonderful? Or was he already becoming distant?

You can love this man with your whole heart, you can walk through fire for him but at the end of the day if his heart is elsewhere... what are you left with? It's like loving an inanimate object with no feelings. You can wish it to love you back, you can pretend it does... but at what benefit to you?

You have your kids to think about , to focus on. Yourself to think about to focus on. Let him be the one chasing you. Let him be the one asking you why you are distant, why you don't say you love him. Why should you be the one to grovel? You shouldn't be.

He owes it to you and your children to do the right thing. To cut ties with this woman, beg your forgiveness -- seek marriage counseling and follow the straight and narrow from here on out. Will he do that? I don't know.

You owe it YOU... to decide if you can trust him again, if you want marriage counseling, if you want to try to remain a family and if that is yes and he wants the same then you work too and try to figure out as CW says... what you both could do to ensure it doesn't happen again.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Bringing the thread up due to the site being lost for a couple of days for futher replies

[vishva8kumara]

First of all you have to decide what you want to do. You have two options, either to kick him off or make things alright. If you want it, you can do it!

(I'm a guy)

To make things alright, you have to discuss. You have to talk a lot.

Now this should be talking, not arguing. One reason men are afraid to TALK with woman is that woman easily gets angry and raise their voice. Men also does this, and it is not good either! Men does not like to argue, and sometimes afraid. We are likely to postpone it when it becomes an argument.

So you have to tell him that you two have to talk. And for this, please ask him to get rest and be seated. You have to be seated comfortably to talk. When either of you is tired or hungry or busy, talking would not work well. When seated, both of you will be comfortable to talk.

Let him know how much you (used to) care about him, and that you have three children. But don't drag on this part. And let him know that you could solve this and be happy again and you are willing to make everything fine.

Also let him speak, but don't leave too long silent periods. When he speaks, listen to him. Remember to remain calm because you are going to solve things, not to make it anymore worse.

Ask him what has gone wrong and if you have done something wrong. Let him know that he has done a bad thing and you are hurt. Explain the importance of being married and ask his opinion. Confirm him on the decision if he wants things to be back to normal.

Then if possible, go for marriage counseling and get things sorted out.

[vishva8kumara]

Kicking him out would be easy to do. You have all the rights to do it that way, and it is your decision. This man deserved to be kicked out (and much worse). Think if you really want to do it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

vishva8?

Which do you think is more suitable. In one breathe, you state communication and I never thought about "on an empty stomach or not", on the other, you state kick him out and much worse...

Did you change your mind?

CW

[gingersnaps2002]

I'm new here but I am engaged and I know what I'd do in that situation. That had been going on for a while, it wasn't just once, and I think if the relationship is good and both people actually love each other then neither of you will cheat. If he'll cheat once then I think the tendency is there for him to cheat again. If my fiance cheated on me I'd doubt any feelings he had for me, I wouldn't trust him and I'd break up with him.

[somiserable]

I agree with Gingersnaps, my husband did this to me, dont allow this man to torture you for his infidelities and downright disrespect. Teach him a lesson, stand up for yourself and dont allow yourself to be walked on!!! In my opinion he needs to be taught that you will not stand for it and he needs to be taught a lesson, once they do it once and you condone it, things will never change.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sorry, OP commenced this in September last year and never returned.

Please check the top left hand corner and post counts before providing "opinions", or your basically talking to "yourself"

Thread closed.

CW