ghost of ex's past haunting me

[Kallygirlie]

There was a post a few days ago about someone being scared of sex so I naturally shared with them my experience of my first time but it ended up bringing up a ghost. Well really he brings up himself. My ex from about 6 yrs ago, He likes to call me about once a yr or email me. I think just to torture me. I briefly lived with him about 6 hrs from my home town when i was 19. I need advice on how to get him to go away and stay away. I'm the nice girl by fault. Can never be blunt and say stop calling but even if I did he'd still call. Once a yr doesnt seem like much but its just enough to really tick me off. Any other ex I wouldn't mind talking to but this one......he put me though H**L while we were together. Things that I still to this day have to deal with. I know this is long but talking about made for TV drama.

I met him at church in WV (ironic once you hear what all he did). He was 2 yrs older and really sweet. Very responsibly, owned his own business, lived on his own in Raleigh NC. We talked, connected, became a couple in a few months. after 6 mos I decided to go stay with him for a few months so we could be together. what was supposed to be a month or 2 became 6 months because my car broke down, we didn't have the money to fix it. I tried to get a job, but he would not allow me to "belittle" myself by working something that was "beneath" me. Would be hired at a place and he would refuse to let me leave the house. I didn't know he was in illegal businesses until much later. Things were great until 2 months in when he decided that it was no longer exceptable for me to stay a virgin (he was well aware I wanted to wait until marriage). He told me he needed it, would not be with someone without it and to either do it or go home. I did it to save us because I was so naive in thinking we were "meant to be". Yes I legally gave him permission but it does not change the feeling of being raped. There after, he would have sex with me as he wished. Everytime I refused he would start to pack my things so I would again give in. each time I'd end up in the bathroom crying both from pain and shame in myself. He then met this lovely guy Vance. I thought he was nice but I didn't realize life was gonna crumble real quick. The little money Aron and I had, he would spend by taking Vance out to dinner, leaving me at home with and empty fridge. I would eat about once every 2-3 days or so, whenever he would decide to pick up a pack of ramen. I was always told that he was working with Vance to make money to give us a good life (gave him a good life alright, 2 yrs in prison). I started coaching Aron away from Vance and Vance saw this so all of a sudden I had to go. Vance knew I had a good influence on Aron and as long as I was around I wasn't going to allow illegal things to go on. So I was told to go home. Over the next few months he would tell me about these businesses, i'd tell them to get out cause they were illegal. Vance quickly vanished after Aron found out he was on the FBI's most wanted list. I had a PI come to question me about what had happened while I was there. I was cleared of any wrong doing. The PI told me he could tell I was an innocent person who just got mixed up with the wrong person and He's glad I got out when I did. About a yr later I found out from pulling my credit report that Aron and Vance had used my credit to open the electric and phone service at there new apartment and that they somehow found a book of my checks for an acct that was closed the day I left. I not only had checks from pizza places bouncing but also a $1500 check. I could not prove anything so the cops did nothing. I called the companies and had 1 drop the charges but the rest say I have to prove it wasn't me. So yeah, thats what this wonderful man did for me. Best man alive right? My Mom wanted to kick my A** after finding this all out because she told me she would have driven to NC to get my butt. I just didn't want to admit he was a bad guy. I still had hope he would change.

Anywho so thats the story of why if he dropped off the face of the earth, I'd be a happy person. My question is tho, how do I get him to go away. I've told him to stop calling. I've even contacted his girlfriends and they've left him because of what I've told them. He doesnt get it. Even his brother told me last month he is disappointed in Aron. His brother didn't even know we broke up. I could just stop answering right? I would if he didn't change his number all the time. One day He'll call from NC, then MN, they CA. He moves like crazy most like to avoid the law. I cant pull a restraining order just for this reason, they cant serve him. The last time he called he said he was sorry for everything he ever did and he's trying to start a new life. typical Aron, he pulls my nice girl heart to keep things going. He even came to my apartment a few yrs ago because I stopped answering his calls. I've answered his call and hung up on him as soon as he answered but that just rages him so he will call none stop until i answer and let him talk. Last time he called ws when my mom ws fighting cancer, he had the nerve to laugh about and say oh you make it worse than it is, she'll be ok. He quickly shut his mouth when I went off my rocker about him acting that way and hung up on him.

I know I've made this WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY to long. How would you guys go about getting rid of this scum. Like i said, he might call once a yr but he emails in between. The emails are easy to ignore but the calls are what really ticks me off

[Kung Fu Kitty]

many isp's provide the way to block emails,i suggest that.in fact block everyone who isnt on your buddy list.
as for calls,tell him once to stop calling,dont even play around.
if he calls again after that,call the police. but do not have conversations with him,its only encouraging,tell him to not call again and hang up...just shut him down completly. and as tempting as it is,dont have your new sig other get involved,make it clear that YOU do not wish to hear from him. i have too much experience with sort of thing,if you need to talk about it,feel free to im me.

[Kallygirlie]

He was getting through on Myspace and Facebook to email me. I'd block his account, and he'll create a new one. The phone calls, well most of the time they come through as private number because he knows I'll report him to the cops and the times he hadn't blocked his number its because I put a private call block on my phone and he would then use pay phones. I feel safer now that I'm not in WV so he cant just show up and find me. Trust me my SO wants to get involved. He wants so badly to protect me but I refuse to let them get into it. I know Aron, he'd find a way to get my SO in trouble to split us up. The boy still goes balistic when he finds out i'm dating someone. I mean come on its been 6 yrs.

[Nats]

many isp's provide the way to block emails,i suggest that.in fact block everyone who isnt on your buddy list.
as for calls,tell him once to stop calling,dont even play around.
if he calls again after that,call the police. but do not have conversations with him,its only encouraging,tell him to not call again and hang up...just shut him down completly. and as tempting as it is,dont have your new sig other get involved,make it clear that YOU do not wish to hear from him. .

I agree, Krys...YOU DONT NEED THIS DRAMA...DO NOT REPLY TO ANYTHING and if it gets to the point of harassment (if it isnt already), call the police...If he's calling from diff #s and you tell him once, very firmly and very clearly, to stop calling, every time its him, hang up...Cops'll make it seem as though you were consenting if its known that you were conversing but, at least from my experience, one firm "go away" makes it clear that its not consented to...

Good grief...and you met him in Church...

[Hopeless Dork]

It's a pain and costly, but change your number. I am a nice girl too, I know what nice girls do and nice girls don't let go easy when someone needs us... even if they have beat us with a broom handle, we will say oh but how was your week? You've asked him to stop calling, but not with enough conviction for him to believe you mean it.

Anytime he adds you to facebook, deny and block. If he pretends to be someone else once you know its him, remove and block. Let everyone in your inner circle that knows him know that they are not to be a source of information to him about your life, not your number... not where you live, not how you are doing.

This guy hurt you, this guy could have destroyed your life. I had a friend that was an innocent bystander to her criminal boyfriend and she got 10 years in jail as a reward for that. Don't let him weasel his way even into friendship, he's a bad apple with a lack of conscience from what you describe he treated you like.

Everyday that you don't change your number, that he can call you up at will -- you are giving him the power. Take that power away from him, the people that matter most to you -- you'll give them the new number and those that you worry wont find you easily with a new number... will, if you matter to them too... This guy, he keeps calling cuz he knows you'll be there, and you always are so he has no good reason to think otherwise.

Unless you can gain the strength within yourself to hang up on him the instant he calls... the act of changing your number will do it for you. Think of your boyfriend, and if he had an ex that hurt him so badly, caused him problems that you both have to deal with, hurt him physically etc etc.... you'd want to ring this girls neck figuratively, and would probably be unhappy that he is 'too nice' to tell the jerk to quit calling.

[Kallygirlie]

Yep, ironic right. I guess thats why i met him in the parking lot after church let out. Found out later he was just there to pick up his sister. LOL!!!

Lord know a firm dont call doesn't work. The reason I just answer again after he calls is he'll keep going. he'll call for days. He does not except rejection. Cops can do anything if I dont know where he lives or a phone number. They can track the payphone but its not going to do much good because they dont take it as a threat with me in PA and him in MN. The private call block really has helped cause he knows I can track the payphone # but all that's done is get him to call but just more random instead of back to back

[Kallygirlie]

It's a pain and costly, but change your number. I am a nice girl too, I know what nice girls do and nice girls don't let go easy when someone needs us... even if they have beat us with a broom handle, we will say oh but how was your week? You've asked him to stop calling, but not with enough conviction for him to believe you mean it.

Anytime he adds you to facebook, deny and block. If he pretends to be someone else once you know its him, remove and block. Let everyone in your inner circle that knows him know that they are not to be a source of information to him about your life, not your number... not where you live, not how you are doing.

This guy hurt you, this guy could have destroyed your life. I had a friend that was an innocent bystander to her criminal boyfriend and she got 10 years in jail as a reward for that. Don't let him weasel his way even into friendship, he's a bad apple with a lack of conscience from what you describe he treated you like.

Everyday that you don't change your number, that he can call you up at will -- you are giving him the power. Take that power away from him, the people that matter most to you -- you'll give them the new number and those that you worry wont find you easily with a new number... will, if you matter to them too... This guy, he keeps calling cuz he knows you'll be there, and you always are so he has no good reason to think otherwise.

Unless you can gain the strength within yourself to hang up on him the instant he calls... the act of changing your number will do it for you. Think of your boyfriend, and if he had an ex that hurt him so badly, caused him problems that you both have to deal with, hurt him physically etc etc.... you'd want to ring this girls neck figuratively, and would probably be unhappy that he is 'too nice' to tell the jerk to quit calling.

Well my SO knows I've told him to stop calling and I've hung up on him many times. I know deep down you are right and a number change is the only way to go. I just hate it. I've had this number for 5 yrs and there's so many people who have it that I cant get ahold of (friends overseas). I really want to know they get home safely. I know my inner circle would cuss him out if he called for info. He called my Mom once when I wouldn't answer. Yep it took him one time to do that cause she ripped him a new one. She told me that and I was like "yah Momma!!!!!" LOL!!! I guess before I change my number i'll have to get ahold of my friends overseas somehow and let them know.

[Kung Fu Kitty]

im not sure about facebook,but myspace you can set controls to prevent him from even being able to message or add you at all. take advantage of them. once he finds he cant creep back in on you,he will lose interest and victimize another girl.

[Nats]

Hmmmmm...there has to be some way...Perhaps we can hire a hitman...and a PI to help the hitman find him...

[Nats]

Hmmmmm...there has to be some way...Perhaps we can hire a hitman...and a PI to help the hitman find him...

Give me his FB account...I'll harass him so much he'll deactivate his account and move to Christmas Island...