insecurity, as bad as hacking into bfs mailbox

**happy ending** · 09-26-2009 11:42 PM

i think this is about control, not trust so much. you dont seem to want him to have any part of his life separate from you. thats ownership not love.

**jaygirlweek96** · 09-27-2009 12:28 AM

Insecurity comes with control. I agree. We don't have therapists here! Lol. I have been going thru some websites. If u know any websites I would also be greatful. I have downloaded some audios that I would listen to.
I am currently taking a break from my bf. But my plan when I come back would be to challenge myself not to check his fone for a month.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-27-2009 01:35 AM

Write a list about what you love about yourself.
Then write one of things your not so happy about.

Realise that there are things that you love about you haha, yes there are.

And, pick one ( the phone) lol, first as the first thing you want to break away from that's the other girl inside you not the one you want to become ....

One month is way hard... One week.. And, when you get to that, then add 2 days and from there then add 3...

It's like saying I can't drive my car for 6 months instead of 6 days, ...

Google, positive affirmations.

And write one that suits and post it somewhere you can see it over and over and over, as for books WC can tell you that and as for sites? PM's only people...

You can do it, it's just great that you want to ..that's why you can. But, if you fall don't get mad, get even and get yourself back up and try again.

CW

**happy ending** · 09-27-2009 07:19 AM

good on you for changing it isnt easy thats for sure. i just feel when people are in prison they go through your mail, listen into your phone calls etc that would be the worst part of imprisionment, someone having that sort of control over your life or wanting that sort of control over your life. i wish you well, changes start when you recognise your problems.

**OhThereYouAre** · 09-27-2009 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by jaygirlweek96

One thing I still don't understand is that why should you feel bad about something if u are innocent? (Guys pls answer).
Anyway I want to change. Anytips or sites that can help wld be appreciated. I am a med dr, but we don't have any thing like therapists for such issues here where I live.
Anyone who has overcome clingyness/neediness/insecurity, pls advice.

You did what??

(shudder)

Insecurity is probably one of the biggest turn offs you can display to a man.

Like WC said - Innocent folks don't like being interrogated. It's annoying.

Therapy? It's easy to combat this...when the urge strikes to snoop....just don't do it. Think about something else.

**Haven** · 09-27-2009 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by jaygirlweek96

I am currently taking a break from my bf. But my plan when I come back would be to challenge myself not to check his fone for a month.

That's not good enough. If you want real, permanent change, you can't rely on being able to repress what you secretly want to do with self-discipline. Instead, you need to change your way of thinking to the point where you don't want to snoop anymore. A good start would be to try to understand why we think these urges are ugly and wrong. If you could see what you were doing from our perspective, chances are that you wouldn't want to do it.

What can you really accomplish by playing detective? Finding nothing proves nothing. He could just be covering it up. So you search again, you find nothing again, and soon you're stuck in a loop that only ends when you finally find something... or he figures out what you're doing and walks.

Any self-respecting man will walk in a situation like this. You not trusting us is bad enough, but when you read through our emails, you make it so other people can't trust us. Would you like it if your family and friends couldn't tell you anything in confidence because you had an insecure boyfriend who insisted on living his life over your shoulder?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-27-2009 03:18 PM

Okay, so you didn't ask for the grrrr's over snooping did you but they come naturally.

Remember, if you fall, it's okay as long as you keep trying not to do it and put effort into it.

And, someone said it's easy? It's not easy, it's a habit and habits are hard to break, so how about we turn the thread over a little and only offer advice on how to help you break this habit instead of telling you it's wrong because you already know that...

change your way of thinking

when the urge strikes to snoop....just don't do it. Think about something else.

Thinking.... seems to come up twice already...

So you need one thought that you can always rely upon as soon as you are tempted something that will change the thought pattern immediately..

What is a thought she can maybe replace immediately and condition her mind to thinking of that the moment she goes to do it?

1.
2.
3.

CW

**ashisbaby17** · 09-28-2009 01:42 AM

It sounds like intimate stalking. I have a friend at work who's wife does it to him all the time. She even went to the extreme of stalking all his female co-workers online. He is the nicest guy you could ever meet and he recently told me that he wants a divorce because of it. She starts arguements if he doesn't come right home, won't let him go out with friends, has a GPS program on his cell phone so she can track him on the internet constantly, and even takes money out of his account and puts it in her personally one at the bank she works at so he doesn't have access to it. As you can see her actions pushed him away and she got worse to try and keep someone who didn't want to be with her. This isn't what you want. You want to be in a relationship where you are happy and you can have fun with someone you love. If you don't trust someone then you can't be with them. It might be best if you take some time to yourself and just have fun to take your mind off bad relationships and help you realize that instead of spending your time digging through his personal stuff you could spend it doing something fun and that way your next relationship will be better. Also, do you have any friends who are guys. They might be able to give you some advice as to why he might be acting any way that would make you suspicious. I've always had my go-to guy that helps me with relationship stuff. If you have a guy figure you can trust it also makes you more trusting of men in general because you realize that not all of them are pigs.

**happy ending** · 09-28-2009 01:48 AM

Originally Posted by ashisbaby17

It sounds like intimate stalking. I have a friend at work who's wife does it to him all the time. She even went to the extreme of stalking all his female co-workers online. He is the nicest guy you could ever meet and he recently told me that he wants a divorce because of it. She starts arguements if he doesn't come right home, won't let him go out with friends, has a GPS program on his cell phone so she can track him on the internet constantly, and even takes money out of his account and puts it in her personally one at the bank she works at so he doesn't have access to it. As you can see her actions pushed him away and she got worse to try and keep someone who didn't want to be with her. This isn't what you want. You want to be in a relationship where you are happy and you can have fun with someone you love. If you don't trust someone then you can't be with them. It might be best if you take some time to yourself and just have fun to take your mind off bad relationships and help you realize that instead of spending your time digging through his personal stuff you could spend it doing something fun and that way your next relationship will be better. Also, do you have any friends who are guys. They might be able to give you some advice as to why he might be acting any way that would make you suspicious. I've always had my go-to guy that helps me with relationship stuff. If you have a guy figure you can trust it also makes you more trusting of men in general because you realize that not all of them are pigs.

your poor co-worker, he will probably never get away from her, a friend of mine once told me her husband would kill her if she ever left him, the strange thing is she doesnt want to, she actually loves him!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-28-2009 02:14 AM

If you have a guy figure you can trust it also makes you more trusting of men in general because you realize that not all of them are pigs.

lol... really? Yeah I know, it's true I have a few male friends and they have shown me that there are decent guys out there for sure.

It may also be pertinant to remind everyone that she wants to change, so let's focus on that and even check out the blog sections of our posters

Advice would be good on this particular thread.

CW