Keep my hands to myself?

[Texinator]

Funny, I signed up a few days ago to respond to one specific post, and now here I am starting my own threads..

Anyhoo, let me start by saying that I'm not the most romantic guy in the world and I am certainly not emotionally clingy. I think there is great value in giving each other emotional and physical space. I can also keep the PDA to a minimum and turn it off completely. I generally keep my hands to myself when in public.

Having said all that, whenever I am in a relationship with someone, when we're spending time together, and when we happen to be alone with each other, I can sometimes turn into a big 'ol teddy bear. I like to cuddle and snuggle, kiss her neck, stroke her hair, caress her body, and do little silly things like peck her on the shoulder or play with her knee. It's my way of showing affection and I find it fun, but I also want her to enjoy it of course.

I don't do it all the time, I don't start playing boob grab or trying to stuff my hand down her pants, and I don't do it with an intensity where it might be considered foreplay.. unless it is supposed to be foreplay of course. I try to be mindful of what else she is doing and not interrupt her during important matters. It's all very casual.

Despite this, I've had more than one girlfriend tell me that I'm too 'hands on' or too touchy feely and that I should keep my hands to myself. I know that it is most likely just a matter of personal preference, but after having had this pop into my mind recently, I thought I'd ask the members what they generally like and dislike, out of interest for what everyone has to say.

[mdraven380]

I like a lot of affection and attecntion. But that's just me. And I would only want that from my significant other of course not just from anyone.
Funny how I always end up with the guys that are affectionate at first then two months down the line they rarely show affection or attention and then start telling me that I'm to needy.
Everyone is different.

[PJhavinfunagain]

I'd say you just have not found the right girl for you yet. The right one will love everything about you. Most women are used to buys being a bit more reserved so do not know how to deal with this. It's all about communication.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm crazy touchy feely and love snuggles, touches and attention. I adore my boyfriend and my hands are on his body whenever he's within reach... unless I get a vibe from him that he isn't in the mood for that, then I back off and give him some space.

If you tune into a person, you can pretty much get a feel for when they aren't feeling up to cuddles and if you push at that point, your gonna get them resenting your touches even when they are in the mood for them.

I have my own needs, and they include lots of hands on... as long as those needs are being met most of the time I am happy and don't mind giving some breathing room too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

From the way you described it all, your not clingy and you don't do what women hate, that's go for the "parts" as if we are toys haha, other than foreplay, so I don't get why they don't feel loved and beautiful at receiving your affection.

I guess some women just don't like being loved. You'r just choosing the wrong types I think.

CW

[LanaBear]

To me it doesn't sound like you are being over cuddly... But I don't really believe there is such a thing if you are with the right person. Sure you will have your times where it is not as welcome as others. Sometimes when I'm PMSing I'm not as into it as normal, but most of the time I love the cuddlies. I love hugs, kisses, neck nuzzles and just curling up on the couch together. Even just a quick smooch while we pass each other in the house.

I so no reason to change it up, you will find someone who appreciates!

[OG612]

You are being overly touchy. Peel back a little bit. But not too much. Treat them like you've been dating for just a short amount of time and not for several years and are in a very comfortable relationship.

OG

[Texinator]

Thanks for all the feedback! I know I had a problem some time ago where I wasn't good at picking up the clues that the girl was not in the mood, but I have since made an effort to pay closer attention. But I guess most of them were never in the mood. Just like some of you have said, I just haven't found the right one for me.

I wonder if some of that aversion might come from bad experiences with previous boyfriends. For example, maybe they were always clinging on physically, but as a way to show possession instead of displaying affection.

[Haven]

I can sometimes turn into a big 'ol teddy bear. I like to cuddle and snuggle, kiss her neck, stroke her hair, caress her body, and do little silly things like peck her on the shoulder or play with her knee. It's my way of showing affection and I find it fun, but I also want her to enjoy it of course.

You are being overly touchy. Peel back a little bit. . .

You got a lot of supportive feedback from some of the other posters about how the right person would appreciate the level of affection you want to give. That's all absolutely true. Still, OG's giving you some good advice. Everyone has preferences, but when multiple girlfriends tell you that you've crossed the line with yours, it's possible that your preferences might not be in line with the prevailing norms.

If you have an extreme preference, one that lies near the far end of a bell curve, a willingness to recognize that preference for what it is and be flexible about it will go a long way when you deal with people whose preferences are more towards the center of the curve.

[OhThereYouAre]

There is no such thing as too "hands on" if the woman is really into you.

Perhaps tone it down a bit early on.