wife admits jus cheated on me

[dhoody]

my wife just recently admitted to cheating on me in 07 but she always said she just talked to the guy for a few days but nothing happen now she drops this on me..we got 2 kids and i dont know what to really im hurt like it happen yesterday i do need her for my girls... should i kick her out??

[stressed]

Why did she mention this now? Did you have an argument or did she tell you that over breakfast, as if it's not a big deal?

Has she mentioned any other guys over the years that she only had been talking with without anything more happening? How long have you been together? Did she explain why she did it? Have you had doubts she has cheated on you or did you trust her when she said it was just talk?

Do you think you can trust her from now on? Do you think you can sleep in the same bed with this person knowing that she's lied to you and has slept with another man?

There's a lot to think about before acting.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I always think, if someone confesses to something especially after this long, it's been eating at them or else, they see you differently, feel guilty and regret.

So, firstly you need to ask what was wrong with your relationship in 2007? 2006, 2005...

People don't seek elsewhere even for emotional attachment unless they are missing something.

If you can see, that maybe yes, you played a part in her what, lonliness, non-attentiveness, sure, it was way wrong... you leave before you decieve... my opinion...

But, not all think like that, get hit on, lied to, believe, think what they are missing they've got, still nieve, hurting, who knows.

Think back.

You'll never, forget ever... You may forgive if there is an understanding of why.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

I agree with stressed and CW, that you need to look back and evaluate your relationship over the past few years. Maybe answer their questions so we have more of an idea of how to help.

When she confessed to cheating, did she say that she wanted to work things out with you? Did she seem truly upset about it happening? If you both want to give the marriage another chance and really work at it, you may not have to kick her out at all. As long as it's what you both want. You have a lot to think about before making any decisions.

But if you really feel like you can't trust her again, that's also a big problem that should be addressed.

[Miya]

I do agree with stressed, CW, and G&S. I think it's a point that the two of you really need to discuss. Try to set aside emotion and see what caused the incident, how things have been since then, whether she did it because something was lacking in your relationship, out of retalliation, spite, whatever.

How long have you two been together? How has your relationship been since 2007. I'd definitely wish to know why, 2 years later, she comes forward and admits it. Also realize that despite the betrayal of trust, it takes great courage to admit something like this. OTOH If she revealed it because it was weighting on her conscience, then one has to ask whether it was a wise more to burden you and your children's lives with it.

Try to talk and find out the reason but leave the ego (not a male directed thing but everyone has an ego) out of the picture as best you can. Then make a rational choice of how you wish to proceed.

[dhoody]

we been together in all for 10 years married 7 and knew each other 3.... our relations was great we met and married both of us was virgins....but it came up in a crazy way because of a reoccuring dream where she was laying in bed with a unknown man standing over here..one thing about me is im a spiritual person so i thought it was a message...i told her about the dream and she reacted more then i thought she would so i thought she cheating so i put on fullcourt press...i questioned her everyday then one day i asked who is the foreign guy that you slept..she was shocked i knew...in my dream the guy was always a foreigner so finally she started telling me about back in 05 and high school friend and how she did meet wit him and cheat on me...i asked did treat her bad or wrong she said no....im gonna ask her why right now shes here...she wants to explain but we have been talking and crying for the last 8 hours an do still love each

thank you for the help too

[hopetostillbedhoodyswife]

hi, this is dhoody wife.. i dated my husband for 3 years and married 7 years.. around 2007 my husband worked so hard for us to get ahead... and when he was going to work i just happen to go to walmart for something and ran into an old school mate .. and you know i met him and just catching up on old times and i went into making the worse decision of my life .. originally my husband found out and i told him that i just talk and thats it nothing more.. that was a lie and i was ashamed and embarrsed so i left it at that because he did not ask deeper into it ... then 2 years later he started having dreams and he started asking questions ... and then one thing he mentioned was a foreigner and me together in the dream... the guy i was with was of hatian decent.. so i admitted to the affair ... i told him i was scared and tried to spare his feeling even though i know that was crazy to even lie.. i love him so much and my love grew stronger ever since then and i was prepared for anything that came w/ consequences because i am willing to do anything to save my marriage

[CHANDLERS WISH]

hi, this is dhoody wife.. i dated my husband for 3 years and married 7 years.. around 2007 my husband worked so hard for us to get ahead... and when he was going to work i just happen to go to walmart for something and ran into an old school mate .. and you know i met him and just catching up on old times and i went into making the worse decision of my life .. originally my husband found out and i told him that i just talk and thats it nothing more.. that was a lie and i was ashamed and embarrsed so i left it at that because he did not ask deeper into it ... then 2 years later he started having dreams and he started asking questions ... and then one thing he mentioned was a foreigner and me together in the dream... the guy i was with was of hatian decent.. so i admitted to the affair ... i told him i was scared and tried to spare his feeling even though i know that was crazy to even lie.. i love him so much and my love grew stronger ever since then and i was prepared for anything that came w/ consequences because i am willing to do anything to save my marriage

Yes Hope, we got that from the Original threader, except for wear, ie) Walmart... !

He says, you say, there was no reason.

So, here's your chance if your his wife, what was the reason, why did you feel you needed to do this?

Forget that he can see things, so can I... You had no choice but to admit, it was in your eyes, or "her" eyes, if you are his wife.

Tell him then what made you want to stray..

Or tell him here...seeing as you've logged in... to reply..

We at least are there for both of you......understand that.


So also, what's his nickname? What do you fondly call him and why? because that plays a part in why you wanted to be with him..

CW