boyfriend doesn't turn me on

[LanaBear]

The good thing is that you did open up the communication between the two of you regarding the matter. I'm sure he needs to take some time to ponder what was said, it may be a shock and/or a blow to his self esteem.

I hope he does call you back and it is something you two can work on together. Like WC said, maybe he will join you in the discovery of yourself.

Keep us posted.

[Amber]

Thanks Lanabear!

I'm just so scared. He usually has his iphone glued to him, but then it doesn't usually go to voice mail on the first ring. He hasn't emailed either. if I don't hear from him by midnight, I'm going to scream. I can't believe this is happening.

[WildChild]

This is difficult but try to see this from his side. He spent years without love or sex, finally got free and finds himself with a woman who really has no sexual experience and doesn't even feel anything when kissing, let alone from sex.

Realistically, you can't blame him if he's basically stunned. He isn't your rescuer from singleness, he's a man who wants a full relationship. He was willing to take it slow while he was getting his situation in order but has probably got a lot of thinking to do right now. It sounds like he isn't yet divorced? In many ways the two of you are in very different places in your lives. You both have limited sexual and relationship experience.

Don't pressure him. In the meantime work on yourself. See if you can get a handle on why you are so disconnected from your body and sexuality? Work on arousing and stimulating your senses. You have been denighing yourself a great deal of pleasure. Why?

You can't do anything about him; how or if he will respond. But you can do a great deal for yourself! Get out with soem gfs and have some fun.

[Amber]

Insanely enough he called around 1130pm. His phone had been out of reach. That is why it went right to email. He told me I should have known better and he wouldn't run that fast. I was just really scared.

But I know he is leary about it. I'm not going to wait until he finally runs. It may sound crazy or a little insane but I looked up a dr who calls herself a sex therapist. I am really messed up and I do need some help to get myself on track. I read about what she does and I fit most of her criterias. I figure it can't hurt to try. Something needs to be done.

WC, I will keep doing what you mentioned before. Thanks for that advise. But as for experimenting with my women parts, I have tried more than once and can't feel anything. That is one area, believe it or not, the sex therapist will help me with. Pretty bad I need help with something like that. But I was a virgin until 35yrs old and grew up in a family that you don't touch yourself. Now I realize probably quite stupid but that is what I was taught. I need some help and will do almost anything to keep my boyfriend. Even if he still runs, I need this to ever have a healthy relationship.

[caterpillar79]

Insanely enough he called around 1130pm. His phone had been out of reach. That is why it went right to email. He told me I should have known better and he wouldn't run that fast. I was just really scared.

But I know he is leary about it. I'm not going to wait until he finally runs. It may sound crazy or a little insane but I looked up a dr who calls herself a sex therapist. I am really messed up and I do need some help to get myself on track. I read about what she does and I fit most of her criterias. I figure it can't hurt to try. Something needs to be done.

WC, I will keep doing what you mentioned before. Thanks for that advise. But as for experimenting with my women parts, I have tried more than once and can't feel anything. That is one area, believe it or not, the sex therapist will help me with. Pretty bad I need help with something like that. But I was a virgin until 35yrs old and grew up in a family that you don't touch yourself. Now I realize probably quite stupid but that is what I was taught. I need some help and will do almost anything to keep my boyfriend. Even if he still runs, I need this to ever have a healthy relationship.

I am on the same "don't touch yourself" boat. I still have trouble touching myself. It doesn't do me anything as well. Even watching porn, nah...nothing at all. I get wet, yeah, but I am not aroused. So, I think getting a sex therapist to help you would be good. I am not that brave to do it. My fiance is my sex therapist - we have come to the point of openness wherein he knows my issues and decided he can live with it, and is willing to help me get it out and improve.

What I noticed is that I felt the emotional connection with him, so when we kiss, it is intense and is a spiritual connection. We can go beyond the physical even when we are just physically doing the act. We often just caress and feel each other's body skin to skin and not having intercourse. We often do eskimo kisses instead of kissing torridly/french kissing. It is more sensual and it arouses my sensitivity. We withhold on the "act" itself and we focus on the foreplay - we actually play more nowadays. And we observed that it deepens our bond emotionally and spiritually. That we feel each other's presence even in each other's absence. I don't know how to explain it well. Try to watch KamaSutra and get some books about becoming spiritually bonded with your mate.

[WildChild]

You didn't memtion a sex therapist before. That's a very good idea.

[ItsASecret]

I can sort of relate to things mentioned here. When I kiss my boyfriend I do feel something and I do get tingles but it does not happen often nor does it last that long. Touching myself results in nothing, only way I can describe it is I know that I am being touched because I can feel it but as for any build up of feel good feelings there is nothing. I was not raised in a 'do not touch there' environment so I have no problems touching I just get zero satisfaction from it. To me I just say "what is the point of doing it if I feel nothing but a touch, no tingles no jingles". I too have thought about a sex therapist however I am quite leery of any spirituality practices he/she may ask me to do simply because I do not believe in the material.

[Amber]

WC, a sex therapist is something I found online just last night. I'm desperate and will do almost anything right now. I plan on calling this week to schedule an appointment.

I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone today. I just felt sort of uncomfortable, still not entire sure exactly how he feels about everything. Normally he says that he will fit me somehow in his busy schedule just to see me during the week. This time he said, well we have the weekend if he can't fit me in. He is not trying as hard. He still hasn't definitely told me that we will not see each other during the week but it didn't sound too promising. He said he will call when he gets home. I guess I'm not allowed to complain.

itsAsecret, you are lucky your boyfriend is ok with that. I hope mine doesn't run.

[LanaBear]

I think the sex therapist is a good idea. My hubby begged me to go when I was having my issues, but I never would, I was too embarrassed. But if I had to do things differently, I definitely think I would. It could have saved us a lot of time and problems.

[Amber]

I was just rereading through your post again and I noticed something I overlooked before. WC, you asked if he is divorced yet? He was never married. He just lived with her all those years and he tells me that he has been over her for a long time now. I believe him.