"Taking a break"

[4years-girl]

My boyfriend and I have been having difficulties these past few weeks. He's said he loves me, he doesn't want anyone but me, but he isn't in love with me. When we kiss, he only feels my lips. We've stopped having sex because he doesn't want me to feel like he's using me. He is my best friend. I'm still in love with the boy. He knows this. He's trying to do right by me. We don't want to break up. We've "taken a break," starting yesterday. No time frame. I can't not talk to him. We'll probably end up texting throughout the week. I am in incredible amounts of pain, and as far as I know he's not taking it easily either. I'm just so confused and I want nothing more than just to be back with him and have everything like it was before all of this happened. Apparently I did nothing wrong.
He's started going to school about 45 minutes away this semester. So distance could be something. I know he's not seeing anyone else, or planning on it. I just don't know what to do. I guess I'm just rambling, there's not much I can do.

[caterpillar79]

My boyfriend and I have been having difficulties these past few weeks. He's said he loves me, he doesn't want anyone but me, but he isn't in love with me. When we kiss, he only feels my lips. We've stopped having sex because he doesn't want me to feel like he's using me. He is my best friend. I'm still in love with the boy. He knows this. He's trying to do right by me.

Deep inside, he knows you're the right one for him, he loves you. He is not "in-love" with you meaning, he doesn't feel the "lightning" of emotion anymore, yet still loves you deep down - it should be good. He is trying to keep it slow I guess. He stopped having sex with you, meaning he might be saving it for something more special. He wants to have his two marshmallows, sweetie. He is the kind of guy who would prefer to wait and enjoy the treat later. He shows you respect and love that you would be hard to find. He is showing you that he is not after your body or the pleasure you offer through sex. He is for the long haul, he wants to enjoy a full relationship and is conveying he's going to work on it and wait. Don't freak out. You're a lucky girl.

We don't want to break up. We've "taken a break," starting yesterday. No time frame. I can't not talk to him. We'll probably end up texting throughout the week.

You shouldn't break up if you both have what it takes to make it work. Spend your alone time to figure out what is it you really want in the relationship. My bestfriend and fiance read that when a man had sex with a woman, the woman would fall in love with the man (the u-haul truck pulls in the driveway the next day). We are emotional when we have sex with a man, whereas men can have sex without emotional attachments. That's how different both genders are wired. That being said, I reckon, he wants this time apart to seek his feelings more, free of distractions.

Use this time to explore your options (don't date yet). I meant options on hobbies, interests and things that you can do for yourself to enhance your total being. You have to be OK being alone. Work on yourself so you can have something to bring to the table to nourish your relationship.

I am in incredible amounts of pain, and as far as I know he's not taking it easily either. I'm just so confused and I want nothing more than just to be back with him and have everything like it was before all of this happened. Apparently I did nothing wrong.

Pain means you are alive. You should be fine. I know how that feels - I've been there. I thought I won't be able to breath, but tell you what, I managed to keep breathing.

Cut him some slack. Don't call nor text. Just answer his messages when you are ready. I am hoping that you can cut communication with him for a while, so he can really see for himself what is it that he really wants for both of you. It is hard to do, trust me. But you can if you decide to do so.

He's started going to school about 45 minutes away this semester. So distance could be something. I know he's not seeing anyone else, or planning on it. I just don't know what to do. I guess I'm just rambling, there's not much I can do.

It is probably the most prominent reason. But there could also be more hidden reasons. (Who knows - I don't have my crystal ball...it needs some system upgrade - it's electronically powered! LOL...)

Kidding aside, have faith in him. If he says he loves you, he does. He sounds sincere. You should not fear. Having to spend his time away from you is going to be difficult that is why he is having this emotional upheaval. Give him time. In the meantime, go out with girlfriends, workout, find a hobby, blog, vent, do things for yourself to make you feel good.

The quality of relationship that you have would definitely depend on the quality of time you spend on your own. Love yourself first before you can share your love with others.

Good luck.

[4years-girl]

caterpillar79, this really helps me calm down and see that this doesn't mean it's the end. I just need to give him time. Thank you!

[LegalEyes]

How much time do you normally spend together? If it's a lot, you may need time to actually miss each other and discover how much your relationship means.

[4years-girl]

Before he moved, we saw each other pretty much daily. Since the beginning of this semester, we've been seeing each other on weekends, and talking on the phone nearly every night--if only for a few minutes. I'm currently missing him on a painful level. We're trying not to text or anything, but yesterday I kind of broke and had to see how he was doing. The main theme of what he was saying was, "I don't want this and I don't like this, I just want things to be how they used to be. I want to talk to you. But if we end this now, it will have all been for naught and it'll keep being an issue." I don't know... I'm in so much pain that it's hard to enjoy my daily life most of the time. I feel as though I should be using this time productively, like "finding myself" or making friends, but I'm just not up for anything.

[4years-girl]

A wrench has been thrown into this entire situation.
Tonight, one of my best friends sort of admitted to having a "crush" on me since 2nd grade. Why does that always tend to happen? Now I don't even know what to think, except that this is causing him and his current girlfriend a lot of heartache and I don't even know what to think anymore. There's technically two weeks left in the "break" and... I'm just so distraught and torn. I don't know how to feel. Except sort of physically sick at the moment. And mostly confused overall.

[caterpillar79]

Keep exploring your emotions, I'd say. Be more aware of how you feel, then turn it into something productive - whatever your "feel good" activity is. For me, its reading, WH forums and blogging, cooking, yoga and/or cleaning. Find that something that will keep your occupied with productive things and purge you of negativity. Don't allow yourself to depend on him and the relationship to be happy.

All feels wrong right now - I understand that. But still, get you b*tt to work! Exercise if you must, just dont' stay pitiful emotionally or anyhow. Take care of your self all the more right now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's extremely hard to "feel" the same having spent all this time together, daily, to then only weekends, texts and phone calls aren't the same.

You feel like your talking to a "friend" and so that wheel starts to go into motion.

It's so common unfortunately and people grow apart because there is a different life happening and your not part of it daily anymore in the same capacity.

The fact that your also "attracted" to the comment from another guy, means that you deep down feel the same, yours is "lonley".. and wanting what you had..

He may very well turn out to be "your best friend" and this part of your journey is over, to explore new journeys in life.

It's never easy but it's also life.

You do need to start finding you.. Start finding a life without him as well as him in it, he will either be there and it will strengthen or he will be your closest friend and both will change directions in life.

But, without having one yourself, you won't be able to work it out as all you will feel is "loss" and "lonliness" which will cloud your mind.

CW