My fiance doesnt initiate sex

[caterpillar79]

i dont think he has erectile dysfunction, he can go on for hours.
We r 32 and 33. I do think he is lazy performing the act. Does it mean he doesnt find me attractive enough?

Not necessarily the case. He must have some self-esteem issues as well. It could also be that he lacks the stamina. How often does he workout? I remember reading a post about low sex drive on men, and that there is a possible underlying medical condition that is silently causing the problem. you should have him checked.

[caterpillar79]

OP, here is Wildchild's take on similar issue (low sex drive)...read on : http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...rustrated.html

[Hopeless Dork]

If he is looking at porn every day -- as one wise man on this forum once told me --- guys don't look at porn to frustrate themself, they look at it to get the job done in most cases.

So if he is doing porn daily, and has a minimal to average drive -- he has no energy for you. It doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive, he might not even know you want it that much. Talk to him, ask him if he is masturbating... not in an accusing way but ask him to save up a little of that energy for you.

Some guys at his age only have one orgasm in them a day -- if he uses it on porn, his needs are met, he's not going to inniciate.

[OhThereYouAre]

OK. He has porn addiction

Whoa there!

Dont' be so quick to judge something as an addiction. Addiction is a very strong word.

A lot of people masturbate every day. Some people masturbate several times a day. Does that make them addicts?

[OhThereYouAre]

Wow - all these things floating around....porn addict....low sex drive...self esteem issues...erectile disfunction??

LOL, slow down guys. Did I miss something?

The issue was that he wasn't initiating sex.

That being said....would you (the OP) like to have sex more? If so, its time for a talk.

I'm not sure where these self esteem and erectile dysfunction prognoses are coming from. Masturbating to porn is a very common thing for both men and women. Just as men get carried away with porn I know more than a couple women who get carried away with their sex toys.

Porn and masturbation become a problem when it interferes with the sexual needs of your partner. If you are feeling sexually neglected, something needs to change.

Good luck to you both.

[caterpillar79]

Whoa there!

Dont' be so quick to judge something as an addiction. Addiction is a very strong word.

A lot of people masturbate every day. Some people masturbate several times a day. Does that make them addicts?

Masturbation per se is fine. It is normal for both genders to do so. The OP’s SO masturbates over porn almost every day (at least that’s what she suspects). What else is there to think of, but he must have formed the habit. Addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user himself to his or her individual health, mental state or social life.
I might have stepped in too much to say it and forgot to write MIGHT have - so, my apologies. But that’s how I see it – just sharing.

Wow - all these things floating around....porn addict....low sex drive...self esteem issues...erectile disfunction??

LOL, slow down guys. Did I miss something?

The issue was that he wasn't initiating sex.

Those were not prognosis – I am not saying those were. We are just brainstorming and trying to draw out possible reasons, hence saying “must have such and such”, “it could be that…” since we don’t really know what the real deal is. I never said it was this and that on a final tone!
Some women communicate this way – we “think aloud” and try to lay out what we think are the reasons for such, explore more of these ideas, try them if possible, observe and remember…then get back with each other and talk some more.
I didn't say it was due to erectile dysfunction either. I said, it couldn't be the reason because he is still very young. What I pointed out was that, he might have a hidden medical condition that leads to his "not initiating sex".
I didn’t mean to offend anybody here. I was just sharing the “what if’s, could be’s and maybe’s” on this issue.