One more try???
Well, here goes, I am giving my ex 1 more try. I told ya'll in a a post a long time ago, what he did to me, lying, cheating, stealing, drugs, you name it. Well, he is clean and sober (2 months) and wants another chance. After my last post about revenge (Thank all of you for talking me out of it) I started getting my head on straight and I am in a good place right now. I have my self-confidence back, I know who and what I am again. I just need to know if ya'll think I am making the right decision? I am taking this very, very slowly, because I don't want to be hurt again.
Personally, I think you can still be a good friend and be there to support him without jumping in and being his girlfriend just yet. Two months isn't a very long time. There are so many other people out there. You tired with this one and I know you really care for him. But there are ways, other than being his girlfriend, to show you care.
I agree with sourpuss. Be his friend for a good long while first. I don't think you should go back to anything close to 'girlfriend' status any time soon. Support him in his recovery and be a friend, but stop at that for now.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
It does take time to stop all that he did to you... at least he's trying to get some help, but don't let him move back in with you, off by memory he was living with you.
If you want to give it a go, do so, but keep your in-dependence that you have acquired so that you can walk if need be for the "final time", should he stuff up badly again and you have to support him if you intend to give him ago and try to trust.
It's a big responsibility... as I said, keep your in-dependence.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Thank ya'll for being here. I agree with you and that is what I am planning. I need the distance right now. The love never really died, even though I tried to kill it. But the trust is going to take a long, long time. I am very proud of what he is accomplishing right now, because he never even tried before. He took my daughter and I out to dinner last night, before, he would have spent the money on drugs and alchohol. I can't help but still be waiting for the bad to happen, but I guess that will take time.
It's a balancing act you're in right now; trying to be open and positive about the changes he has made while still protecting yourself in case he slips back into the old pattern. You know what to look out for and to keep your finances secured and entirely your own. How has the employment situation turned out? If I remember you had some changes going on there?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
That is it exactly WC, and I am the only one with access to my funds, from now on, no matter who I am with. Job is going great on my side, and he was finally hired on full time salary and has even given me $50 out of his first paycheck to, as he said, "pay me back for what he took". Ya'll know I am an optimist (except when I am not, lol) But anyways, he is making progress and i am very happy for him. I just hope.........
slow and steady calculated decisions would be my strategy here, but thats just me. You've got to think of more than yourself seeing that you have a child, and I am pretty sure you know that.
Time will tell, I wish you the best :P
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"
Thank you, Thack, that is my plan, slow and steady. He has his work cut out for him, he needs to earn my trust, but he also has to earn my daughters, and she is a tough nut to crack. I have actually asked her opinion and she says "time will tell" (out of the mouths of babes, eh?) Right now we are trying to be friends, we will have to see how that goes.
Sounds like a good plan to me, it will be difficult as he will probably push to move passed "just friends" at some point, and it will depend on if you are ready or not. Look at it as ~almost~ starting completely over, acquaintances, friends, lovers, partners. Trust was built from step 0 all the way to full on, now, you do have history and it will be different than it was the first time, but if it is what you want, then the work and the time may be worth it.
gotta agree with your daughter, time will tell...
keep your whits about you and dont do anything you are not comfortable with! :P
"We easily see what is done to us,
Before we see what we are doing to our mate!"
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