texting turned affair/separation/update/one year after

[Passion]

Its been one year since I found my ex texting another woman. He said they were just friends, one month after called me to tell me he was divorcing me. I woke up this night due to a nightmare i had of him. I was at his families house looking for our lost dog. I talked to his mom, brother, cousin and it seemed like they hated me. like they did not believe anything I said. They would say " yeah, right" like if I was the bad one. I woke up and this is the first thing that popped into my head. I should have known that he never loved me. Throughout our whole relationship I felt that I was second choice. He always considered his families feelings, friends before mines. He made decisions about his family and himself and I had to just deal with it. when I had concerns he would dismiss it and I soon learned not to voice my concerns thinking that I was just too needy. I often wonder how much a person can hurt someone the way he has hurt me after all that I sacrificed, all that I cared for, all those fifteen years of me emotionally supporting him and believing in him. After all of those years of him complaining how every woman in his life has ever abandoned him. Its been one year and I still haven't seen a consistent life at the end of the tunnel. I still cant completely understand what happened, I still analyze, I still have my moments of emotional chaos, I still wonder why it was so easy for him to never turn back after fifteen years of sharing our lives together. Well I guess all my feelings resurfaced because I saw him with her coming out of his mom's street. Bummer they are still together. Two people who have no care in the world whom don't seem to care of the hurt that they brought upon one person. I lay here in bed by myself while they share a bed, they share their dreams, their goals, his family, and their lives together. Oh so happy to be with each other not caring that for that to happen they hurt someone so much and affected that life. I often wonder if I will ever have the love that is lovelier than love itself. Is it too much to ask of life to bring me a husband life partner that will value me, that will love me unconditionally, that will care for me, that will be faithful to me. I dont ask for riches, I could live a humble life. All i ask is for love, for a life partner, for an opportunity to build my own family with my love partner one build with love, peace, harmony, and dreams as its foundation. IS it to much to ask of life?

[GlitterAndStuds]

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you.

It's been brought up here before that Karma always has a way of coming back around to people. If he did that to you, chances are he'll do the same thing to her eventually, if not her to him.

When you think about it, a year isn't all that long to get completely over something like that. But try to enjoy yourself as much as possible now, without a partner. It's always nice to have one, but you don't need to spend all your time hoping you'll find one. Do whatever it is that you enjoy, spend time with your friends and family, etc. The best people turn up when you least expect it.

[Miya]

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you.

It's been brought up here before that Karma always has a way of coming back around to people. If he did that to you, chances are he'll do the same thing to her eventually, if not her to him.

When you think about it, a year isn't all that long to get completely over something like that. But try to enjoy yourself as much as possible now, without a partner. It's always nice to have one, but you don't need to spend all your time hoping you'll find one. Do whatever it is that you enjoy, spend time with your friends and family, etc. The best people turn up when you least expect it.

G&S is absolutely correct on many counts. Karma comes around to everyone. It's basic cause and effect. If you give out good, it comes back to you, and if you give out bad, then bad comes back to you in some way shape or form. (another key here is to try to avoid coveting and wishing something negative happens to them or that will come back to you as well).

As she said, do what makes you happy. Spend time with friends and family and don't look for love or to the outside world for approval. Life doesn't owe us anything really and what seems like a simple request may not be simple to fulfill if the person is not yet ready. Try to be happy with the fact that you're alive and healthy. Enjoy the fall colors (you don't need someone to see them with), read a book, take a bath, and remind yourself each day that you're special and while it's nice to have someone who is your complete equal and complement, you are ok by yourself and when/if another person comes around then you'll be strong and while cautious, be open-hearted too.

I wish you all the best...

[WildChild]

Hi Passion,
WOW had it been a year? If I remember correctly, you were selling your house? How did that go? How is the employment situation?
I think we've discussed this before but you need to get out and try new things and meet new people. Take a class or two, maybe in completely different areas. For example a yoga or pilates class and a history or science class. Check a local museum and go to some lectures, join a hiking group, volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or something like that. Get out and expand your mind, use your body, challenge yourself a bit and meet new people.

It time end the wake and bury the body, so to speak. You gave him 15 years, how many more are you going to give him? It's over. Take back your life and LIVE it.

[Passion]

It has been a year. I haven't dated because I dont want to. I have been doing things on my own. ALOT!!!!! I do spend a lot of times with my friends and family. I have gone hiking, outdoor things, yoga, pilates. A lot of things you name it I do it or have done it.
I am not looking for a relationship right now, to be honest I cant see myself with anyone. I have a stable career, always have. I have my own place now. But I do still hold a lot of resentment, hurt, and anger towards my ex and the other woman. I dont wish her any harm. But I do wish she realizes what she did finds herself a nother man and falls deep in love with the other guy and leaves my ex the way he left me. I know its not right to wish people harm but I guess I need help. I am still extremly angry, hurt, and I cant seem to help it. That's all.

[GlitterAndStuds]

Passion - Have you considered maybe speaking with a therapist, or are you already? Something like this can take a big toll on someone. And if nothing else, you'll be able to vent this anger and hopefully be able to feel better about everything. Maybe you'll be able to find some peace with it.

[Joy]

HI Passion !

Can't believe its been a year... never give up on healing your heart and moving forward in life. You have been doing a great job of getting out there and experiencing new things. Personal development will only bring you closer to that great man that you want to walk into your life. The best revenge in life is to live a good life inspite of all the hurt and others try to pile on you.

[Miya]

Passion,

It's okay to feel angry, hurt, vengeful but you need to let go of it as soon as it comes into your mind or it's only hurting you. It's easy to talk when one is not in the same circumstance but things happen to all of us where all we want to do is "get even" with someone for a perceived wrong when in actually they never had the power to hurt us in the first place. We give others this power. Are we not still the same physical body, mind, spirit? Try to make peace with yourself dear and everything else will fall into place.

I'm a firm believer in Karma and everyone getting what they deserve for the actions the do. One thing people don't stop to think about though (even if they believe in Karma or whatever) is that your own negative thoughts will come back to you as negativity.

Wish them the best and take care of yourself first and foremost...and try to just BE. (happy, sad, whatever the emotion but just BE the emotion and let it go) Nothing is permanent so why spend your life lamenting or angered over something you have no control over to begin with.

Be well..

[Passion]

G&S- I tried therapy already but I am reconsidering to go again just so that I can find myself again. Somehow, I feel lost. i had never felt this way before.

Joy- Time flies, and to be honest with you it even hurts that a year has passed by. Thank you for your kind hopeful words.

Miya- I try not to have negative thoughts. I never in my life disliked anyone or tried to hurt anyone. That is just not me but I am still hurt mostly by how easy it was for him to move forward and never look back. i know he does not owe me anything I just thought that what we had was special and it hurts me to know that I had made myself to believe that it was special.

I am moving on, i am, but i find myself often looking back and missing him. Well the guy I used to know anyway.

[WildChild]

What you are missing is something you hadn't had for a long time, even with him? Take time to heal, work on yourself and then you'll find what you need.