texting turned affair/separation/update/one year after

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-16-2009 03:44 PM

I can't believe 12 months have gone by?

Passion... seriously? You are taking all the right steps, there is no time phame with totally moving on, it's when a particular person is ready to do so.

Do not allow what happened to "judge" all men by it is all I will state to you.

And, like every woman I know, including myself, once you allow someone into your life again? And, you are happy and fall in love? I guarantee you, you will not ever think about the ex in the fashion you still do... In fact you will wonder why the heck you went out with him to start with all those years ago....

When your ready, let him in, whoever he is, just have an open mind and belief that they are not all like that and he will bite you in the butt one day when your not looking, who ever he is

CW

**Passion** · 10-31-2009 02:19 AM

second try, I replied but when I posted it erased. bummer it was good. well I met with my ex today to sign divorce papers over coffee just me and him, no children, no assets, nothing. I spilled my guts to him after all of my friends adviced me to be a B to him. well I wasnt going to show up but in the end my heart told me to go and tell him all that I felt. So I did. told him i missed him, told him he broke my heart into millions of pieces, told him i am doing good for myself and that is how I know we were not co-dependent on each other. separated for a year he is doing well, i am doing well still doing what we were doing. Told him I still thought he is going to make it big as an artist, still admired his talent, his work. I saw a man who seemed lost, filled with guilt, saw a man who does not know who he is, He said he is not surfing anymore, his passion, told me he is no longer going to school, he has no job. blah, blah, blah.... at the time i believed him but now i dont know. I saw a man who's emotionally struggling same sweater, same unkept hair. I saw his eyes tear up several times, look down in the floor. I told him not to worry, that i learned alot this past year. learned that who i was, what i stand for, learned that I am what I always knew who i was. he said he still is trying to figure out who he is. He said he came in grips that he will be alone. he could be BS me but this is the same guy whom i was with for fifteen years not knowing who he was, always in emotional turmoil and I felt sorry for him, I did what I always did try to build him up, tried to tell him he was a great person but he was just a lost soul. I tried to pick him up again. then I backed away, he said he missed me in the end asked to give me a hug and we both went our own separate ways. now i am here wondering what my life will be wondering if i feel relief, closure, or if i am just feeing numb.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-31-2009 03:08 AM

You know, there can be a soul connection..

People don't necessarily end up together in life as one chooses to look for something more, usually within themselves of which they can't find and so they feel moving on will assist, it won't always.

His tears were real in as much as he knows what a good woman you are and years is, years, lost this is why you have always had a problem, 15 of them...

But, there is so much more to life, relationships and 12 months isn't long Passion...

He's a lost soul you are correct but you can't save him.

What "usually" happens is when your not looking one day someone beautiful comes in and sweeps you away, you say no, I say it always happens, always...

And, he, your ex will still be searching "for him" and at that point will become upset, jealous and try to win you back but at that point, you will not want that, as you have so much content with whom you are with.

It's life.

Be strong, stay strong and believe...

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 10-31-2009 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by Passion

It has been a year. I haven't dated because I dont want to. I have been doing things on my own. ALOT!!!!! I do spend a lot of times with my friends and family. I have gone hiking, outdoor things, yoga, pilates. A lot of things you name it I do it or have done it.
I am not looking for a relationship right now, to be honest I cant see myself with anyone. I have a stable career, always have. I have my own place now. But I do still hold a lot of resentment, hurt, and anger towards my ex and the other woman. I dont wish her any harm. But I do wish she realizes what she did finds herself a nother man and falls deep in love with the other guy and leaves my ex the way he left me. I know its not right to wish people harm but I guess I need help. I am still extremly angry, hurt, and I cant seem to help it. That's all.

I trully believe that every single thing in our life has its purpose, we may see that purpose later, we may never see what the purpose of some. The fact that he was cold enough to turn so easily away and not look back after all those years is tragic.

But... the fact that you found out his true cold nature before spending the rest of your life with a man void of treating you and feeling for you the way you deserve is the clouds silver lining.

He left you, and a hole formed. But from what you say the hole he was filling was all but a mirage most of the time. Now you say you are not dating, but out there finding your way enjoying yourself finding time for yourself and that is in my opinion the best thing to do.

Heal, it may take some people a week some a month some a few years but everyone heals and you are healing and will heal. If someone comes into your life before you are fully healed they may get the brunt of your hurt and frustration and they would likely not be worthy of that. No one is.

The hole he left behind can be filled from within as you are doing, when you are happy, when you are satisfied when you realize that his mistress turned s.o. is not the lucky one... you are.

Its hard to see it, feel it , with the pains that must exsist from running into them, but its true. The world is filled with beautiful people, whether you choose to allow one into your life as a lover, a friend, people to work on causes with etc... a higher purpose is entirely up to you..

When you are ready, and you let someone in, and feel love the way you always didn't quite get from this man, you will know you are the lucky one.

**Passion** · 11-01-2009 08:37 AM

CH and HD- thank you, your words comfort me and help me think positive. Lately I am thinking so negatively. When I was with him at first I felt so nervous, then I felt good again. In the end, I felt so needy for him and I battled within myself to not tell him not to go, not to leave me. I didn't of course but in this couple of days I felt like I still need to reach out for him. not for his sake to help him but for mine to help me feel like everything is okay again. but Hopeless dork you are right. He was so cold to just turn and walk away the way he did after everything that we had gone through and I have seen that side of him. I know that side of him, I always knew he had that side of him but I have also seen the tender caring side of him and that is why its probably so difficult for me to let go. I have been waking up every morning in a state of panic, scared of life, and feeling so empty. It has been unbearable the emptiness that I feel. I know that I need to get the strength to stand up again.

**WildChild** · 11-01-2009 09:48 AM

It sounds like you are moving forward even though you may not feel it yet. You are seeing him with different eyes now. Your pain is losing its' desperation. We can sense that from your posting. The day will come when you wake up and see the sun shining and are simply pleased to have had a good sleep.

**happy ending** · 11-02-2009 06:25 AM

its true, you do sound better although (of course) still hurt and angry. for me the bad days just seemed to get further apart. i still have them nearly three years later, are you still taking care of yourself.

**Passion** · 11-03-2009 03:37 AM

Well I have been hiking; dressing nice as a matter of fact that has been my priority as I feel the way I dress and well dressing nice makes me feel a lot better about myself. I have been spending a lot of time with my friends but now I guess I went to that stage of doing things by myself. I once again having a hard time sleeping the full eight hours and the moment I wake up in the middle of the night its because of disturbing thoughts of my ex. I just found out that in the divorce papers he put the wrong year. He said we married in 2007 rather than 2006. I text him to tell him that but he never responded back. Which reinforces his motto: I only call you when I need something and once I have it I don't need to talk to you anymore.... So figures that all he is a front and like he said that some of his art contacts are now considering him untrustworthy. Yeah, I can totally believe that!!!! How I wished he would have just served me the paperwork rather than met with me for me to sign them there. .. Even after all I asked him to just serve them to me. UGHHHH. I think that I am having a hard time again because I just saw him and talked to him....

**happy ending** · 11-03-2009 05:41 AM

i know anger is a stage of greiving, and you are greiving for all your lost hopes that die with your relationship, i hope you eventually move on.

**Passion** · 11-05-2009 12:44 AM

Thank you, i am determined to move on....Specially after hearing after one year later from the separation from a close friend that my ex had it all planned out and obviously he never respected me enough that his friends had to often remind him that he was a married man throughout our relationship.... sad to say I sometimes had a gut feeling but I never listened to it...... Now he is boasting to his friends that this other woman is giving him jeans worth $500.00. Wow, well they both have a crazy ride together and she ended up with the short end of the stick. LOL!!!!!!!! they might be happy together right now but they will never trust each other and that is going to torture both of them.