Sorry, strange question

[soleman]

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Is your wife self conscious of her feet? I know a lot of women who think feet are gross- even their own.

I don't think she is self conscious, like I said she used to be fine about having her feet licked, sucked, whatever, but I think she has grown to dislike this kinky side of me, she says she doesn't like it when I look "lustful", she sees me as a loving partner. Basically it's my animal side she resents, I've tried to make her see that there's nothing wrong with giving into our instincts, it just means we are attracted to each other, but she seems to have developed some real issue about it. Frankly I feel like the problem is more deeply rooted than my foot fetish alone, we have discussed the possibility of counselling but we would much rather try and sort it out between ourselves first.
The thing at work was a one-off, it won't happen again and there was no sex involved. Basically I made a passing comment to a colleague about her feet and she teased me about how she enjoys having her toes sucked. Normally I would get over this sort of situation by imagining my wife standing next to me, but this time I was a bit overwhelmed and ended up with this girl's feet in my mouth. I felt bad about it afterwards and that's what prompted this post. I know my fetish is no excuse for infidelity, I am just worried something like that might happen again unless something changes in my relationship with my wife.

[WildChild]

I think you are right that there is more to this situation. Her dislike of perceiving you as "lustful" is concerning. How much affection do you give her? I mean just affection without any expectations? Somehow she must not be feeling your love and care as much or in a way that she needs? A good counselor probably won't take many sessions to get the two of you to the heart of the matter - it's probably a communication issue; what one thinks is being said and what the other hears can be remarkably different.

[OhThereYouAre]

Yes - I also agree that there is probably more to the shutdown than your fetish.

We've been having *a lot* of posts lately regarding women who shutdown sexually, so you're not alone.

I hope she's willing to help solve the problem. It will make it so much easier.

Good luck.

[WildChild]

For balance sake let's not forget that there have been quite a few about men who've turned off too. It seems to be a wide spread complaint for all. It does seem there should be some less haphazard way for people to match up their interests in sex, how they communicate and all that.

[OhThereYouAre]

It does seem there should be some less haphazard way for people to match up their interests in sex, how they communicate and all that.

Yes - choose wisely.

Unfortunately - that happens way less often than it should.

[WildChild]

How many of us have been taught to do so? Many were taught exactly the opposite.

I grew up in a household where we a tiptoed around a man's rage, never knowing when it might flare up and on whom or what it might fall. When my first husband was screwing around I was told, literally, "that's how men are, you just have to live with it". In work situations it happens, I once had a new department head who called each person in individually to tell them that whatever was going on in their lives (in my case my mother dying of cancer) was because we were sinners. This was within a major corporation. HR's response? Well, he's the boss, just give him time to settle in.
Granted that was many years ago and the law have changed. But the point remains that many people even today have had little in the way of positive example of how to be selective and discriminating in their own best interests. Learning from scrap can be a tough process.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you looking at her in a lustful way disturbs her... it might be time for that counseling. Just as some men, after their SO has kids see her as some kind of saintly mom and have trouble viewing them as sexually as they did before... some women have that issue as well. They feel like they are a mom now, and they should be held to some kind of weird mrs. cleaver perfection-- june cleaver would not wear latex and spank the mr.... (hmm or WOULD she?)

The point is it sounds like she's fallen into a place where counseling is in order for you guys to maintain a healthy sexual relationship. She'll be able to realize that she can still be that sexual wild woman, and that good mom too, that she's capable of wearing more than one hat.

For the feet thing, if its not her kink and you make it a focus ALL the time, she's going to be bored and resentful of it and not want to do it all... so then you get all foot deprived. If you throw it in now and then to satisfy your fetish but have nights where her feet aren't even tended to she will probably feel its more balanced and you will get more of those feet than you would if you wore her out on the act.

[OhThereYouAre]

How many of us have been taught to do so? Many were taught exactly the opposite.

I grew up in a household where we a tiptoed around a man's rage, never knowing when it might flare up and on whom or what it might fall. When my first husband was screwing around I was told, literally, "that's how men are, you just have to live with it". In work situations it happens, I once had a new department head who called each person in individually to tell them that whatever was going on in their lives (in my case my mother dying of cancer) was because we were sinners. This was within a major corporation. HR's response? Well, he's the boss, just give him time to settle in.
Granted that was many years ago and the law have changed. But the point remains that many people even today have had little in the way of positive example of how to be selective and discriminating in their own best interests. Learning from scrap can be a tough process.

If you believe that in the aggregate, that mankind is essentially good, which I know you do, then you are accepting the idea that people should inherently know what is right from wrong. Whether or not they choose to act on their notions is up to them.

If you can place blame on a person's environment and its effects, how can you explain the succesful rising from nothing? If you research, you will find that more successful people, than not, fit that archetype.

Necessity is the mother of invention. I don't buy the environment card.

[WildChild]

If you believe that in the aggregate, that mankind is essentially good, which I know you do, then you are accepting the idea that people should inherently know what is right from wrong. Whether or not they choose to act on their notions is up to them.

If you can place blame on a person's environment and its effects, how can you explain the succesful rising from nothing? If you research, you will find that more successful people, than not, fit that archetype.

Necessity is the mother of invention. I don't buy the environment card.

Many people do truly overcome their environment and many, if you get below the surface, have overcome some areas but not others. There are a lot of people who live an illusion. The older you get the more of it you will see.

We are conditioned to certain responses from a very early age. Can it be overcome? Absolutely. But it takes a conscious effort and awareness.

Look at all the relationship stuff we hear of hear and out and about in our lives, people do some extrordinarily dumb, short sighted, self defeating, things and can have some really unrealistic expectations. Where do they get those? Most of it they can't say because it's buried in their early experiences. People will go into these kneejerk responses that seem to come out of nowhere - they'll find a way to justify it but they still do it.

I've known people who seem to have it all and they get up on the stage (literally) and do the rah, rah, go team, motivational stuff and get people fired up to change their lives. But over time as you get to know them and talk with family members, the spouse in an unguarded moment, or with them when they need to let their hair down, you find they are still fighting their strawmen.

Really that is what separates people, those who stay aware and keep striving to know themselves and be better and those who are completely unaware or give up. Life is about evolving, growing from where we started to realise our potential. To do it successfully we have to learn when to push and when to let it flow or just let go.

[dolphinlefty]

hahaha. I can't say me or my boyfriend have a foot fetish but being someone who loves rubbing feet, I know how you feel about wanting to touch her feet and not getting to. I don't have a sexual fetish for them, I just like to rub people's feet (long as they're clean). My boyfriend gets all ticklish though and won't let me near them. Nor does he ever touch mine, which sucks cause I think feet are so pretty. I used to sit there and look at mine for hours. My feet would be up against a wall and my head laying on the bed. It was so relaxing and they looked so good. haha.