Having "the talk" (guys and girls, please)

[kygirl]

Do people still do this? I mean, I feel like the last few guys I've dated, I dated until they started seeming disinterested and then we didn't. The guy I am dating now I am seeing exclusively and I know he is seeing me exclusively from friends of his, but we haven't had the talk? I have spent several nights with him over the last 3 1/2 months (about 10) and we've been out on at least 20 dates. He tells me intimate things about his job, his friends, his family, etc. I have met his best friend, but he hasn't yet met mine. Met all his roommates, etc.

Is it necessary to have "the talk" about what we are at this point?If so, how do I approach that issue without having to sound so serious? We are both busy so sometimes recently (the past month) we've went about a week and a half without seeing each other but we talk about 3 times a week always long conversations. Not sure how to approach the issue? Or even it's even necessary? People keep asking me...

[Hopeless Dork]

If you guys are sleeping together, I'd start with talking about exclusivity... thats a reasonable think to wonder about of the person you are having sex with. Keep it light. IMO you don't need to have the where are we now talk. Wait for someone else to refer to you as his girlfriend, one of his friends or roomates and watch how he reacts to that... or wait until he introduces you to someone as his girlfriend. Letting him make that distinction will make you feel a whole lot better... you will know its how he see's you and not some corner you backed him into.

[Texinator]

Sounds like you two are having a good time. Just enjoy the present. I don't think there is need for 'the talk.' In fact, it can prove to be counterproductive, because some guys think the talk indicates the woman is unhappy or they feel the woman is trying to push them along. Let things progress at their natural speed.

[WildChild]

But....
Until you have comittment to sexual exclusivity you need to use STI protection regardless of conception control use.

[danceintx]

Yea, me and my bf had the talk. He had asked me if I wanted to "date" and I didn't know that meant we were exclusive. So later in conversation about the subject he asked if dating to me meant we were, I was like I didn't think it did mean that but I didn't want to date anyone else anyway. He said he didn't either and wanted to be exclusive, blah, blah. So we were. It wasn't a big heavy serious conversation, just talked about it when it came up.

[OhThereYouAre]

Sounds like you two are having a good time. Just enjoy the present. I don't think there is need for 'the talk.' In fact, it can prove to be counterproductive, because some guys think the talk indicates the woman is unhappy or they feel the woman is trying to push them along. Let things progress at their natural speed.

Hit it hard.

[OhThereYouAre]

Another thing.

The "talk" is just that....talk.

Actions speak louder than words. If what he does is respectable and agreeable by your standards, then great.

[kygirl]

But....
Until you have comittment to sexual exclusivity you need to use STI protection regardless of conception control use.

Wildchild-
I know for sure he is not sleeping with anyone else. We did have several discussions about our thoughts on that issue and on safe sex, etc. Those kind of came up naturally.

[kygirl]

Another thing.

The "talk" is just that....talk.

Actions speak louder than words. If what he does is respectable and agreeable by your standards, then great.

I definitely have no problem with how he acts around me, etc. I am extremely busy at this point in my life and he is the first person who has been accepting of that, and still tries to make time to spend with me.

I guess more than anything, I don't know how long to just go with it before you have to say something. Right now it's 3 1/2 months, not a big deal, but I don't know that I'll feel the same way without some discussion around say 6 months or so.

[kygirl]

Sounds like you two are having a good time. Just enjoy the present. I don't think there is need for 'the talk.' In fact, it can prove to be counterproductive, because some guys think the talk indicates the woman is unhappy or they feel the woman is trying to push them along. Let things progress at their natural speed.

Tex,

That is the EXACT reason why I've been kinda against saying anything. I feel like a lot of my friends are pushing me to have "the talk" but I don't want to suddenly start spending every waking minute with him or make him somehow feel like I think we're going to spend the rest of our lives together now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I would or wouldn't but it's only been 3 1/2 months. I don't want to even be worrying about that yet and I sure don't want him to think I'm hearing wedding bells either!

I am very not like my friends in this regard I guess, but I guess I figure I am a great catch and he'll either realize that over time or he won't. As long as he isn't sleeping with anyone else and we enjoy each other's company and conversation, that's more than a lot of people who have had "the talk" right?