Peeved at a longtime friend...

[KMonte85]

Hi All,

I'm new here and am looking for a different perspective on a situation I found myself in.

"Jess" and I have been friends since middle school (we're now both 24). We used to hang around each other all the time in high school, and when we went to different colleges, we saw less of each other, but would occationally get together when we were both in our hometown on a random weekend. I still see her relatively frequently, although it is less one-on-one time and more we both are at a gathering held by mutual friends or family, but we still get along quite well and keep up with each other's lives as best we can. Anyway, she found out a while ago that is pregnant with her first child. She kept it pretty hush-hush at first, telling only her family, but she did tell others later. It was unexpected to say the least, she had not been with the father very long when she became pregnant, had just graduated from college, was unemployed, and living with her parents. But she and the father are making things work and the pregnancy has become a pleasant surprise instead of an "accident" that it initially was.

A very good mutual friend of both of ours is planning her baby shower. I spoke with the mutual friend about it, asking what the colors were, where she's registered, if there's anything I can do for her, etc (usual girl talk) and asked why I had not gotten an invitation yet as the party is only about 2 weeks away. I was informed that I was not invited, which to me was SHOCKING since we've known each other for over a decade and (at least I thought) were still friends. I just went camping with her and a group of mutual friends 3 weeks ago and we had a long chat about life, guys, her baby and plans, etc (more girl talk!), and it was as if we were still as close as ever.

I'm not sure why I was not included, and I don't know what would have happened to make her not ask me to be there? Other friends have been given the invite, just a select few it seems did not get invited. Am I wrong to feel so jisted about this? Do I approach her? I don't want to make her feel like she HAS to invite me, but I also want to know why she didn't want me there! I know for certain it is not a money/space issue that warrants fewer invites, so I'm stumped. Maybe she's still uncomfortable about her unexpected pregnancy and thinks I might judge her (which I don't!)? How do I handle this one? Perhaps just let it go and re-evalute what I thought was still a close friendship? None of these options seem right! Does anyone have an opinion? Has this happened to you before??

[sourpuss]

It's my understand that showers are usually put on by friends. So it's possible that she has no idea that you aren't invited. I'd just ask her. 'Hey, is there something that happened between us? I only ask because I was surprised that I wasn't invited to your shower. Is everything ok?'
something along those lines

[Nats]

I was going to say...I've never seen the mother-to-be throwing her own bridal shower...Are you sure SHE is the one sending out the invites? If she is, I'd just be all chill and maybe ask if there is anything in particular she needs b/c you cant think of a gift to bring to the shower or something lame like that...

[KMonte85]

It is a mutual friend of myself and "Jess" that will be throwing "Jess's" party. She's completely aware of the party and has even had a hand in the planning as well, including who is invited. From my understanding, she is telling the official party-thrower who should be invited, and I was not on that list.... I heard from the friend who is the officially designated party-thrower that I wasn't included on the people Jess wanted at her party. I guess I wasn't specifically NOT invited, just not included on the list of invites...

Maybe she forgot to add me to the list she gave the party planner? I might try just asking her... but I really don't want it to come off as I'm forcing an invite. It is her shower and she can invite (not not invite) whoever she wants. I might just be more coy and try the "is there anything you need" strategy and see what she says, if anything, about her shower...


I don't know why I care so much! I'm not a big fan of showers anyway (bridal or baby). I think I'm more just flabbergasted that she didn't specifically want me there to celebrate this new milestone of her life after the years of being friends, not so much that I won't be there to unscramble the word "cradle" and eat fingerfoods... ya know?

[LanaBear]

I like the suggestion sourpuss made.

It would put me off to, so don't worry about how you are feeling about it.

[OhThereYouAre]

I don't know why I care so much! I'm not a big fan of showers anyway (bridal or baby). I think I'm more just flabbergasted that she didn't specifically want me there to celebrate this new milestone of her life after the years of being friends, not so much that I won't be there to unscramble the word "cradle" and eat fingerfoods... ya know?

Agreed.

Just try and let it go. Sometimes, weddings and the like cause as much tension and aggravation as happiness.

On a positive note, you can have a Saturday afternoon open to yourself and you can go buy yourself something with the money you would have spent on a gift.

[KMonte85]

Well, I sucked it up and asked her last night (kind of by accident, I ran into her in at Wal-Mart lol).... she said she just wanted to have a "small" get together with just immediate family and family friends. So she didn't ask the party-planner to invite all her friends. So I guess I get it... I'm still a little put off, but not enough for it to bother me anymore! As OhThereYouAre mentioned, I now have my whole Saturday to do whatever I please and perhaps I will spend the money I would have used on her gift for a new pair of shoes! Shoes are a way better investment than bankies, bibs, and nooks anyway lol