Confusing

[the_8itch]

Me and my children's dad have been together on and off for over 5 years, we haven't been together for well over a year now but i'm very confused as we live together, sleep in the same bed, have sex and do everything a normal couple do but his told me that he love's me but isn't in love with me and hasn't been in love with me for about 2 years now. Yes we fight and argue like any couple do but we always end up making up in the end. We have had 2 children together and he said to me that he wants to feel like he did when we first got together but i don't see how we can get that back as we have 2 children. When we first got together we would spend most of our time in the bedroom playing console's or getting intimate, this would be all day. I'm still in love with him, even more so now that we have been through so much together and that his given me 2 lovely children.

He has said that he finds the sex boring and that if he was in a relationship then he would want to be able to go sleeping around with other women as he like's variety but if i as in a realtionship with him again i wouldn't want all that and he know's it. His got loads of women on his msn and he goes on a dating site talking to women, his met a few of them but they have either messed him around which upset's me alot as i hate to see him upset or they either use me as an excuse to get rid of him. If they use me as an excuse to get rid of him then me and him end up in a big arguement because he will blame me for everything failing.

He don't like talking about his feeling's or what's going on in his head so when it comes to talking about serious stuff concerning our relationship we don't ever get to talk about it. He still makes me feel like his in love with me but i find it very confusing as he keep's telling me that his not in love with me.

Someone please help me try to figure this out as it's driving me mad.

Thanks x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Not at all to be harsh, it's your life but are you actually reading what you have written?

Your not in a relationship with your children's Father, however, he not only lives with you, but sleeps in the same bed and you have sex, so (intimate).

The basic only time you two really have arguements is over his ladies realising he still lives with you and possibly sleeps with you.

He is in every fashion in a realtionship with you, however, he also has the "luxury" of using Dating sites and flirting with women, going out with women and being able to sleep with other women.

What a fantastic arrangement for him to have don't you think?

Meanwhile, you will remain loyal.

Even though you are projecting "I am not in a relationship" and therefore, he can do all of this, deep down you realise that you actually are, only he's doing his thing as well.

In addition he puts you down. Our sex is "boring".

You think you can't spice it up and be in a relationship with him because you have children and because before them you two would spend all day in the bedroom.

But, again, fair enough he has a high, very high sex drive, but why blame the "family"? And allow him to excuse himself of this, live and sleep with you, have sex with you and pretend he's single to the female population, use them as well, then they dump him when they acknowledge his circumstances?

And, why would you want to go through any of this? Love? Really? Imagine someone loving you and your children and not wanting anyone else.. Wouldn't this be better?

He has to move out..

Or, he has to re-form a relationship with you without others.

Children can be looked after, to give you both some me time.

He's being in-credibly selfish and your being in-credibly nieve as well as both of you are dis-respecting YOU...

Sorry you asked

CW

[the_8itch]

That's fine, i like getting honest answer's from people. I have never seen it this way but i guess it's because i don't really see it as an outsider's view. I have asked my family what they think i should do and i never really get an answer from them that make's sense. One minute there telling me they can't stand him and everything then the next they are being all nice to him and telling me i'm out of order when i try to kick him out. I have thought about being with someone else before but the thought of getting into a new relationship scare's me but i'm not sure why though.

Thank you very much for being so honest and telling me your view on this x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I guess they probably think it's good for the children

You have to do what's "good" and healthy also though for you and you've obviously on occasions had a "deep sub-conscious" thought about letting him, go, get, or else you wouldn't have tried to kick him out a couple of times.

All I can say is this, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander"

Problem with letting someone have their cake and eat it too, is they dis-respect you which he is doing, right down to blaming you if the date goes wrong..

Well, you start up a page on a dating site... Go out with a girlfriend and leave him with the kids... Go out on a date even if you don't really get it, or like it, it's only coffee or what not..

Let him see that you are "both" entitled to live your own life, or will that make him quit it all and discuss a proper healthy relationship with you?

If you live like this, he will remain like this...

Your call sweet.

CW

[LanaBear]

There is no reason for him to change because you are letting him do whatever he wants. Stop giving him the option. Why are you sharing a bed? Why are you having sex with him? He's definitely got his cake and eating more than his share.

You both have a decision to make, or a few. Work on making your relationship better or go your separate ways. It's not healthy. What if he is just keeping you around until he feels "something better" has come along, then you are sent packing.

You can work on boring sex. I've got two kids and my sex life is far from boring, you just have to make adjustments.

Would you honestly be happy living the rest of your life like this? Him in an open relationship, you not? Him not giving you 100%?

[Hopeless Dork]

He just wants his cake and to eat it too and you are serving it up left and right. You need to take a good long hard look at the things he does that make you feel special and loved vs the long list of things he does to break your heart. And decide if its balancing out to even be anywhere near reasonable.

He's not in love with you, he's told he doesn't, he behaves like he doesn't, believe him. What do you do for him? Do you help pay bills? Cook or clean for him? Provide him with sex when he happens to need it?

And what does he do for you? What sacrafices has he made to make you happy? What sacrafices have you made?

It sounds like you are catering to man, making him your priority when he see's you as just a convenience... until something else comes along. He's a user, but at least he is man enough to tell you he is one, its up to you whether or not you finally listen to him.

[WildChild]

This sounds like a pretty one sided situation. I'm confused how you can be sharing a bed and sex and children and not have a relationship? It may not be a conventional relationship but...
Are you economically dependent on him?