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This is a little unclear.
When you say you can never be fully intimate, does that mean you haven't had intercourse? Or does it mean emotionally intimate?
"The Act"
Okay so this is my first time posting anything and im really quite embarrassed to do this but it seems like my only option at the moment. I'm 20 years old and I guess you could say that i am sexually active. And i say that because I can never be fully intimate with a guy. I can kiss and whatnot but once it actually comes down to me having to please him and have sex, I get very nervous and shy and i honestly become a "dead fish". My boyfriend recently broke up with me because I couldnt bring myself to be intimate with him. He said that he didnt feel wanted. I don't feel comfortable explaining to him what my issue is, mainly because I dont really know what it is. I've had other boyfriends and I've had sex plenty of times before. But I was in college so it was mostly the random party flings. I just need advice on how to get over whatever this issue is so that the next time I date someone I can actually contribute some intimacy to the relationship. Any advice would be amazing!
This is a little unclear.
When you say you can never be fully intimate, does that mean you haven't had intercourse? Or does it mean emotionally intimate?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Party flings with alcohol or crushes and making out, kissing/touching is totally different than being in a relationship.
If your not ready to give your virginity if that is what you are stating, then you knew you would in the "flings/kissing" at College but in a relationship you know or think it's to be expected.
Not so.
If this boyfriend left because he couldn't talk it through with you and make you feel that if you kissed and was intimate without going all the way, that was okay he would never push you for more, then he wasn't the right guy.
I think that is your problem as you thing they "expect" and it will lead to it and your not ready.
Make it very clear with your next boyfriend and make sure he's understanding and respectful and when your ready the rest will just flow.
I understand WC's question as it did / does sound a little confusing so I hope my answer is of some help.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
No i've had intercorse many times. But with this last guy that I dated I didnt feel comfortable doing anything sexual with him. We would make out and we've only had sex twice. I just can't get over whatever it is that is making me feel uncomfortable.
perhaps what is making you feel uncomfortable is that you are not comfortable with him yet..it takes longer to really get to know and feel relaxed with certain guys/girls..what's the big rush..give it time..in my experience having sex too soon "delays the getting to know you" stageOriginally Posted by NB20
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..
Well said, doc. And if this guy coerces you to sex, pushes you into it, gets dissapointed and bails because he doesn't get it...run away from him. He's not the right guy.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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