How do I get my best friend to NOT bring her husband??

[kygirl]

Okay, so those of you who saw my post in "the lounge" know I am planning a trip to Italy next summer. My BFF and I have been talking about this for over two years...

Fast forward to now..she had casually mentioned that maybe her husband might want to come a while back, but now it's apparently that he is for sure coming. Don't get me wrong. I am okay with her husband mostly BUT here are my issues:

1) It was supposed to be a GIRLS trip for our graduation... Now her husband is going to be there. This is going to raise my lodging costs bc now I have to pay for my own room instead of splitting one. For 10-14 days at about an extra $75-100 a night, that's expensive!

2) I kinda think he doesn't entirely trust me because I'm single. I have no intentions of going to Italy to hook up with anyone or anything like that, but I definitely don't want to feel like someone is there to babysit two grown women.

3) We've had a couple issues in the past when we've all went out together and he would be jealous that she and I were dancing together even though he didn't want to dance. I don't want to fly halfway around the world to be stuck with someone who might end up doing that.

4) Finally, I don't want to feel like a 3rd wheel. I've always wanted to go to Italy on my honeymoon and finally I decided that I should live my life and not wait for things to happen BUT I don't want to be there watching two other people be romantic and also probably wanting alone time, etc and being stuck by myself??

I am not sure what to say to her. I thought about trying to find another friend to come with me but at about $5000 it's not going to be a cheap trip. Most of my friends are married or have kids or are in school, so they don't have that type of $$. I've been saving up myself.

I also don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if we all go and there ends up being a lot of blowups or he acts the way he has in the past, it might hurt our friendship even more by ruining a trip that is a pretty big deal to me.

Thoughts??

[LanaBear]

It is a tough call. I'd start by explaining how it really puts you in a touch spot because the additional money you now have to spend for your own room.

Explain that you were banking on this being just the two of you, one last girls fun vacation after graduation. You two initially agreed it would be the two of you and you have saved based on that.

I think it is kind of odd she would have planned the trip not taking her husband. I wouldn't want to go on that kind of trip without mine. There's a lot to see and experience and I'd want to do it with him. But, this is what you two planned initially, she may be having second thoughts...

[GlitterAndStuds]

How long have they been married? Maybe it's a separation issue for them, or him. A friend of mine has been dating a girl for a while now, and they haven't been able to separate for more than an hour since they started. He even backed out of a weekend camping trip because it was planned as a guys weekend, and he didn't want to be away from her for 2 days.

I agree with Lana in that you should nicely let her know that you thought the plan all along was a fun girls trip. Was she already married or with this guy when you guys planned it? Either way, you can let her know that an extra person would make it really tough on you money-wise and you wanted to have a fun, stress-free post graduation trip.

Hopefully she will understand where you're coming from. As long as you word it right, she shouldn't see it as an attack on her or her husband.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There's no win or lose but she has gone back on your original discussion and when she bought up the husband "way back", that was the time to bring up your orignial plans.

Can you change dates? I would say to her, now that her husband wants to go as well, you don't have the extra $1000 it is going to cost to have a separate room and you may have to pull out.

I know you don't want to lose your friendship but your going to waste your money because your not going to enjoy yourself as you would 1) by yourself or 2) with a girlfriend.. And, it's not her fault she's married and either wants him with her or he wants to be there.

Suggest they go on their own as a second honeymoon and that your fine, you'll save more and when you can afford it you'll go and then you can swap photos..

Just use finance as your excuse.

CW

[carolina28]

Maybe you could suggest the two of you going for a week, and her husband could fly out to meet her as you are leaving? Or he could overlap it a day or two. As suggested, I think finances should be your clear reason. I agree that it would be uncomfortable to be a third wheel, and especially in Italy!! I lived out there a couple of summers ago, with a group of women. And when we'd go out, if my roommate was talking to a guy, I was an easy target. And mind you, MOST of the men (are beautiful ) are fairly respectful. However, if you are sitting in a couple, and just sitting alone, who knows what type of guy would approach you, and they will. Maybe her husband is concerned about that, I mean, Italian men DO have a reputation!! Maybe if she insists, you could invite along another person? Good luck. Italy is beautiful, and you will fall in love!!