My sister is going to tell my boys a secret

[jen1960]

Well, I heard nothing, stayed up past her "time due" and got no call or email.
Perhaps she had time to think about it, and thought long and hard about trying to destroy my family, in such a harsh way. She is bitter, I always have to keep her in a good mood, other wise she snaps.

I will not call her, email her, or correspond in anyway. If she wants a relationship with me, she is going to have to apologize for getting me so upset.
Just because she is my sister, doesn't mean she's my friend. I would like to be in her life, but we are so different, it's plain to see.

Thank you for having me here, I didn't know what to do...

Jen

[WildChild]

Well this crisis has passed, however at some point you need to deal with this in as a positive a manner as possible. However much you love your boys, you have another child in the world. No matter how you look at it, you abandond that child and left him in a situation that was fearful, negative and perhaps dangerous for you and for him? There really is no way to make that prettier.

Perhaps this is your wake up call and it is time to face and deal with the past. You now know that it is lurking behind the corner and could bite you at any time. That child has feelings and needs and has grown up knowing his mother walked out and left him. You have to deal with that, not just to protect what you have but because it is the right thing to do, It may be very difficult and painful but you will have to face it and probably him.

[jen1960]

Wow, where did that come from? I thought this was a site where woman support woman, not bash her for some unfortunate situation. Now your sounding like my sister, I thought I would get support, not negative remarks.

Again, let's review my situation:

17, and a orphan
no family at all, except my sister
no money, no help at all
he has huge family, mafia type, woman or treated like , children are precious.
Stay and be beaten to death
he remarried, he had his new wife take care of him and his other kids

The child is now early thirties, he has never wanted to meet me.
So when adoption happens, and a young mother gives up her rights to a child, and never wants to contacted, is she a BAD person?

I thought I could gets some help here from woman who care, most did support me, but I never thought I would get a reponce like that!

Crying now.. thanks...BYE

[WildChild]

Calm down.
I did not say you were a bad person.
I did not say you acted unreasonably given your situation.
That is your interpretation.

What I did say was that you need to deal with this because it could come back to bite you at any time.

You did not state that his father or father's family regarded him as precious, only that is was a fearful, dangerous situation. People who read your posts have only the information you provide.

Your statement that this first child is in his thirties and doesn't want to meet you implies you have had some contact? You gave no indication of that previously. You can't expect replies that are useful or applicable to your situation if you leave out significant things.

Your sister may have backed off for now, that doesn't mean this won't come up again. You are concerned about how your children will react and that it may be emotionally damaging. Wouldn't it be your and their best interests for you to deal with this now? As long as you haven't dealt with this and are fearful of it's being revealed, then your sister or anyone else who knows about it holds the all the cards. And you live with an edge of fear in your life. Talk with a counselor if you feel it may help and get some advice on how to approach this.

The best way to deal with a poisonous situation is to neutralise it. The only way you can do that is to get it out into the daylight. You're new here and know nothing of me. I may have the ability to understand more of what you have been through than you have any idea of.

[PJhavinfunagain]

Jen, You have alot of raw emotions right now. You took WC's post all wrong. She was not accusing just saying that maybe it is time to re-evaluate your past and face it head on. Do you want to live in fear of threats like this? Maybe it is time to take the next step in taking control of your life. Sounds like you already have done a great job of rising above a deplorable situation. No one can judge your actions as they were not in your shoes living what you lived. Breath... we are here to support you.

[jen1960]

I didn't "abandoned" the child as if he was a dog taken to a shelter, I gave him to his father and family. Sometimes one should rethink what they write before it been sent out that can be hurtful. I came here for support, that's all. Like Joy wrote in her post, no one bats an eye when a man leaves, but if it's woman... my situation is unique. I didn't leave two or three kids for another man, or so I can go bar hopping, I had to leave, I had no choice.

Pj, thanks for supporting me.....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You know all these emotions that she bought up in you, scaring the carp out of you, threatening to tell your boys, guess what? She did her job, exactly what she wanted to do, she knew you'd be seething and that she would haunt you with your past.. It worked, she didn't have to tell the boys.

I did say before, and I will suggest again sometime, when you are ready as to how old they are and if they can take this information, as it's your priogrative not hers, it may still be a good idea to let them know then she has nothing at all on you.

At 17, I was with a Greek man, un-beknown to me his family were growing dope, I always wondered why he thought he was law

We don't undertand too much of the Adult world other than what we were bought up with.

It's easy, too easy, to catch the wrong fish. I imagine that if Mafia was involved, you wouldn't have had much choice as they would have hunted you down anyway, that's "their grandchild" and a MALE.

Your first post sweet, said abuse basically and you left your son with that.. Now, you've clarified more but sometimes people react on one part not the question at hand, especially if they're Mothers and WC really wouldn't hurt anyone, it's advice maybe just came at you in an emotional way because of how your feeling now.

It's a wicked site, so hang about, I'm guessing there will be more support that your going to need along the way.. Look at me, can't get rid of me, I'm still here 2 years later

Just smile now and don't let her win any further by being upset over comments that you probably would have only answered if in a different mind phrame as to the one she has successfully put you in.

Your right, we can't choose our "blood relatives" but hopefully she has a heart after all and that's why she left it, just to scare you to leave her alone over her fake boobs lol. Maybe, she's actually jealous of your love for your now husband and his for you, and the bond with your kids, that she doesn't have... Can't see any other reason why someone would want to break that bond...

Just be happy sweet and enjoy your life, we only have one.

[ssda]

It's really terrible what your sister's trying to do to you.....I think you are a really brave woman. After being in a relationship where you feared for your life, you were able to find happiness and love in another man. That's not easy. After having a kid that you were not emotionally attached to, you are raising two teenagers who obviously love you a lot...I dont know whether I would be able to rise above a situation like that.
You have nothing to be ashamed of...but you are right to worry about your sons feelings. But in the long run if you tell them of your past, I feel they might appreciate you more. The best outcome will be, next time your sister threatens you, you can ask her to go right ahead. That'll take the gas out of that balloon.
Take control of the situation..right now it sounds like she can take control of you any time she feels like by threatening you with your past.
I don't agree with the opinion that you should try to contact with your 30 year old son now....He was with their family for 30 years and I don't think anybody would've said to him your mother was a good woman, she ran because your father was abusive to her. All his opinions would be based on what his father and his family told about you. So unless you feel you are ready to take rejection, you shouldn't go for that. Just my opinion..I hope you feel better soon.

[jen1960]

ssda, I cannot thank you enough for you support. I'm grateful you see what I'm going through. I feel so much better today, maybe because the sun is shining and I woke up feeling happy inside. Why, cause my husband whispered in my ear last night that he will stick with me through thick and thin, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. How sweet is that to hear before you close your eyes.

My sister will never love me. She has really done nothing for me, but hold this over my head. My dh said let her go, every time I'm around her we argue, she needs to say the last word. Thank the lord she's 5000 miles away from me, so vacations to her hose as well as mine are cu put. Done...

[jen1960]

oops, misspelled house...