love is driving me insane

[Texas]

I am beginning to think that this would make a good novel......

Just trying to keep my humor. If I read this I would think someone was pulling my leg, or making this up; unfortunately it's true.

Yesterday was Sunday, November 1st. We actually spent the day together, except for a few hours when I watched football and she went to run. She actually told me that she did not want to run, because she did not want to "leave me", but I told her that those words meant so much that she should go run.

She came home and we took our son to see Astro Boy together at the movies.

After he went to sleep last evening we talked again and she says she does love me as a friend, but wants to have that spark, she cannot remember ever having for me and NEEDS to have that.

I tried to make her remember all the times that I could where I thought we did have that spark. We went into the bedroom, where we sat in the dark and prayed together. We both cried and I asked her if she felt better after we prayed, she said yes.

Afterwards I asked her to make love to me and she did, although it was very strange and not very affectionate.

We watched show on TV afterwards and we fell asleep while I held her.

This morning I gave her a hug a small peck and we both said "I love you".

The more I think about it, and the more I have read, she must be having a very early midlife crisis.

I have turned my marriage completely over to God and asked him to take it where he sees fit.

I will keep posting on our progress. I have so many people praying for me and I know St. Jude (patron saint of hopeless causes) is smiling down on us from above.

Thank you everyone.

[OhThereYouAre]

Go to the doc.

Have her get a blood test.

If she is in otherwise good health...she MAY have low testosterone levels.

I have seen firsthand the benefits of testosterone supplements. Not only do they increase your sense of well being, they also increase your sex drive.

Go check it out.

[Texas]

Just an update if anyone cared. I am still pulling my hair out. I went to see the counselor yesterday and he knows what's happening, he is seeing both of us individually for the time being. He sees this as a last ditch effort before the axe falls. After our session, he know I know what real love and commitment are, but does not think my wife can express it that way. PATIENCE!!!!!!

The weirdness continues. My wife loves me, tells me she loves me, but is still not feeling the spark and is not "in love" with me. (She still sleeps in the same bed with me, lets me put my arm around her at night and I was in a photo shoot with her today for her business.) She says she hasn't been all along and just though it would eventually grow, since we have so many other things in comon. I am beginning to believe since it never has in her eyes, it never will.

She is really torn. I see her struggling with all the things we have done and the life we have, our son and all the mess of a divorce vs. her desires, she is a mess. I am fulling expecting this to be the end. Since last week when the "D" word came out, I have been coming to some realizations that are helping me with coming to the fact that she might be right and preparing myself for our next step.

I realize that no matter how much I love her, I cannot make her love me. She is just not feeling it and after 13 years if she does not feel it now, she never will. I have known my wife as a friend since Junior High in 1987, too bad that friendship has to die, I cannot see being friends with her after this. Only ammicable for our son's sake.

If she cannot find it in her somewhere soon, I will be forced to move on. She has to find it for us to remain together, because now I do not want someone who does not truly love me. There is no way on God's green earth I will stay married and go through this a year from now.

The last week has been brutal. I have lost 5 lbs and am now down to 166 lbs. I fit into clothes I never thought I ever would again! I look completely different than last year, when I was up to 198. That's right a whopping 32 lbs! Although not the way I would recommend to lose the weight.

[moonisis]

It almost sounds like she's desensitized from something.

I am also a career oriented female and I know my job really beats me down. I often feel the burden of everything being on my shoulders. You do more then my man ever did so please pat yourself on the back. Sharing chores and responsibility is important. I still have to do all of that and my man doesn't do anything....

Since I'm always so stressed out all the time I have noticed that sex wasn't fun for me any more. It was boring. I wouldn't get turned on. And I felt zero romance from my partner because all that was running through my head was all the work I still had to do that he doesn't help me with.

I'm not sure if maybe her work is draining her a bit perhaps? I know that sometimes I become so engulfed in my job and my career that I forget how to have fun, laugh and live. I really need my mate to help keep me happy, but sadly I'm in the same boat as you right now....pretty much holding onto hope, loving them madly but at the same time having to let them go to save my own sanity.

Hang in there....and take it a day at a time. If you don't see progress, then just focus on the steps you outlined. I did the same thing: I gave it time, I preached, I cried, I prayed and I sat up at night wishing that they would just go the extra mile for you like you did for them. Even now, my mate is letting his life fall apart in front of my eyes. This is the life I kept afloat for years because he wouldn't take care of his own responsibilities. I cut him off, and now everything I worked so hard to give him is falling apart in front of me...which he does nothing even after all of the crying I did.

Gosh, your story just breaks my heart because I can relate. I can relate to being alone in a relationship where someone isn't around all the time and where you think about them every minute. That's the mess I am in...and trying to get out of.

Sometimes it helps to get out a bit on your own and clear your head. Staying in the house where all the stress is can cloud your judgment.

If you can take some time for yourself, maybe a nice walk in the woods will work. That always seems to calm me down.

[Texas]

It's been a while since I have written.

Each day that passes is more confusing. My wife has not left me yet, or filed for divorce. She left this morning for her 1/2 marathon in San Antonio, she won't be home till Sunday. She plans on doing some major thinking over the weekend. She and I are still seeing the same counselor. He tells me she is "finding herself". He says that my only hope is that, I try and love her without any expectations of love in return. I need to love her softly and quietly. Each day that passes is another day that she does not file and with each passing day the odds are greater that she will not.

She says she does not want to be smothered, and does not want to spend too much time together, she wants to be left alone to think things through. I am considering leaving for a while to give her the space she needs. She does not want to be held, she does not want to talk about things, she just wants some peace.

She still kisses me, hugs me and tells me she loves me. Man I am wore out from all this. I wish I could make some sense of it all.

Thanksgiving is in two weeks and I hope to have some resolution by then.

[GlitterAndStuds]

Maybe there's something you can do or somewhere you can go while she's gone, so you can clear your head. Sometimes being home alone just isn't enough because you're still thinking about things there, memories there, etc.

If it's a possibility, maybe you can do that. If she's able to do it to help her think, you should take advantage and do the same.

[Beautiful Disaster]

*sigh* My heart aches for you....and the emotional rollercoaster I know you are going through. It's what all of us single folks fear......marrying someone who later down the road falls out of love with you or having it happen vice versa.

I have trouble with emotional commitment and attachment. The way you describe her, reminds me of me in many ways and I've really only become this way within the last couple years....and I'm not sure why yet. I'm constantly yearning for that spark, that undeniable passion that goes far beyond the bedroom.....ya know, the VA VA VOOM. I long for it. And sometimes I think I might have it.....and then it disappears....poof...gone........with no explanation but leaving me longing again. Sometimes feels as if nothing I find will ever be quite what I want?

You are in such a tough situation. Counselor is telling you to be patient...love quietly and softly. That's got to be extremely difficult to do when you're grasping for even the tiniest form of affection and love from her. She's so confused.......and I feel for her too, because she knows she's got an absolutely wonderful man, and she's asking herself why she's not happy....why it's not enough......but she doesn't know. Without a doubt she feels a tremendous amount of pressure even though you're not doing anything specifically to pressure her, she feels it just the same......

Sounds like you've got your head on straight. Thank you for coming here to share with us. It helps when you write down your feelings. All you can do at this point is keep your faith, pray, and know that one way or another things will work out. In the meantime, please try to take care of yourself. Remember your son....... he needs you. Your health has unmeasurable value over your marriage....he needs you around and he needs you to be happy.

You continue to be on my mind during this tough time. Treat yourself to something special this weekend......... and let yourself truly enjoy it.