Accused By Best Friend

[Delphine]

Out of the blue one of my best friends of over 20 years called me on the phone and said she knew I was having an affair with her husband. I am not having an affair with her husband, I have never had an affair with her husband, I am not "just friends" with her husband, her husband and I have one thing in common - my friend. I have never had an affair with anybody's husband, so it's not like I have a history of this sort of thing. She says he told her about the affair. I don't know if this is true or not, I can't imagine why he would do such a thing, and there is certainly no kind of proof that he and I have ever had contact outside her presence because we have not.

Now she will not take calls from me and says I am a scary person. This is very out of character for her (and him). Something is going on, obviously, and she is my friend and I would like to help her with whatever.

What do I do? She's a dear old friend and this is just crazy!

[Mes T]

Huh. Strange.

Can you contact her through other people, like through her husband, or through a mutual friend? Maybe send an email if phone calls don't work?

I don't know why people get crazy ideas sometimes. But it's great that you value your friendship enough to try to work through it.

[AlleyWay]

You are in a weird situation. The person I would be trying to get in contact with is her husband. I would tell him to explain to me this so called affair that you guys supposedly have going on. This friend that you have is wrong for not even coming to you about this situation before she accuses you of an affair with her husband. Don't let this situation stress you out because you have done nothing wrong the truth will come to light.

[WildChild]

I would not talk with or meet the husband in private, this will only add fuel to her suspicions. Avoid being confrontational before you find out what is going on, it could be he is having an affair, has confessed and she has only assumed it is with you.

Is there anyone else she might confide in whom you could talk to?

[Delphine]

I'm not going to go through the husband, as I have no connection to him except through her and I don't want to start one at this point. I probably will try e-mail. I have thought of mutual friends, unfortunately, we don't have any. If I knew anybody's e-mail or phone I would get in touch with them just to try to get the lay of the land. Not that they would probably talk to me, since I'm sure I've been slandered to the high heavens to them.

I have to admit, that after a couple days of unreturned phone calls there is a tad bit of anger creeping in. I mean, I know she's probably devastated to learn that her husband is cheating and her pain is way greater than mine, but hey, I have feelings too. Even though I know this really isn't about me in the least.

[KMonte85]

Is she kind of a "flighty" person to begin with? It seems odd that she would just, out of the blue, go ape-____ like that!

I'm not sure how close you are w/ this woman, although you do say she is a best friend. Perhaps it is worth it to cut your loses and move on from this "friendship"? If you have no mutual friends, it isn't as if her out-of-this-world accusations will affect your personal life or reputation anyway.

Let her come to you sometime in the future if/when she calms down and discuss the situation at that point. But for now, maybe its best to let her and her wild imagination go off and do their own thing together for a while.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If that was me? I would ensure they were both home together, and confront them... together, having someone with me as well.

Now she will not take calls from me and says I am a scary person

A woman who "thinks" another woman is having an affair with her husband would call her trashy, or the likes, not "scary"... it sounds to me she has an imbalance of some sort and she has used this as the excuse not to talk with you....

Has she ever had any medical issues in life? Perhaps she has stopped taking medication and is quite, well delusional.

CW

[OhThereYouAre]

I mean, I know she's probably devastated to learn that her husband is cheating and her pain is way greater than mine, but hey, I have feelings too.

hrm - If it wasn't with you, how do you know the husband was cheating?