So mixed up

[Jaime]

I don't think my sex drive will ever match his. I don't know if I will ever be able to satisfy him. I cannot physically have sex daily. My body has to 'recover'. So basically, you all agree that if I am not in the mood I shouldn't have to have sex. Right?

[OhThereYouAre]

So basically, you all agree that if I am not in the mood I shouldn't have to have sex. Right?

No I don't agree with you.

Marriage is compromise. Give and take.

[KMonte85]

No I don't agree with you.

Marriage is compromise. Give and take.

Absolutely marriage is a compromise!

But if she is already compromising and having sex even when she doesn't want to, up to 3x's a week, every other day when she might not even want to once a week, when does *HE* start compromising and understanding that she's not a sex machine and maybe he should back off and enjoy his every other day sexual escapade?

[OhThereYouAre]

Absolutely marriage is a compromise!

But if she is already compromising and having sex even when she doesn't want to, up to 3x's a week, every other day when she might not even want to once a week, when does *HE* start compromising and understanding that she's not a sex machine and maybe he should back off and enjoy his every other day sexual escapade?

Look where that landed her.

He cheated on her.

Not condoning his actions. But it should be obvious the status quo isn't cutting it for him.

3 times a week isn't asking too much. A wife that doesn't come to you for sex at all? Why is it a chore pleasing your significant other? Why is it a chore to accept love and affection from your husband?

There are deeper issues here. Something is awry. Furthermore, we dont' know the whole story...call me nuts, but I don't think the odds of cheating for a decent man who is being satisfied 3 times a week are very high.

[WildChild]

It sounds like you are moving in a very positive direction. And you may well find that your desire continues to increase as the relationship improves. It is not so very long since your last pregnancy and you are still getting your balance back. The two of you do need to compromise, sometimes that may mean a hj or bj, sometimes he may just need to deal with it on his own. That is never a justification for cheating.

[KMonte85]

The two of you do need to compromise, sometimes that may mean a hj or bj, sometimes he may just need to deal with it on his own. at is never a justification for cheating

Yes, yes, and YES!

[Jaime]

Look where that landed her.

He cheated on her.

Not condoning his actions. But it should be obvious the status quo isn't cutting it for him.

3 times a week isn't asking too much. A wife that doesn't come to you for sex at all? Why is it a chore pleasing your significant other? Why is it a chore to accept love and affection from your husband?

There are deeper issues here. Something is awry. Furthermore, we dont' know the whole story...call me nuts, but I don't think the odds of cheating for a decent man who is being satisfied 3 times a week are very high.

I guess he hasn't been a decent man then. We have always had a one sided marriage. Even before he started this offshore job, I carried the load. Before his offshore job, he worked 3 days and would have 4 days off. Or he would work 4 days and have 3 days off. Basically, each week he had 3 to 4 days off. He did nothing to contribute to the household. During that time I worked 2 jobs, was in school full time, and was president of two clubs. I had to do all the bill paying, housework, grocery shopping, etc. All because his days off were for him to do whatever he wanted to do. He is a very selfish man. I am hoping that this changes. Right now he seems to see how selfish he has been and all the wrong he has done.

With all those things put aside, here is what I am stuck on. Last week, we had sex Tuesday, twice Wednesday, Thursday, and twice Friday and Saturday afternoon. Saturday night I wanted a break. I wasn't in the mood. Tell me why I am supposed to perform. He hadn't done without. He even admitted that it makes him feel closer to me and he wants it for emotional reassurance right now. It makes sense but I don't think I should have to have sex every single time he wants to. I told him, "we have had sex like crazy and the first time I am not in the mood you freak out. it isn't fair. you will not get satisfied everytime you feel teh need. you have to learn to deal with it." He still doesn't understand why I just didn't want to. he still thinks I should just do it. I think if we have sex like rabbits and I want one night off then so be it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your correct. Women get sore, after mulitiple intercourse, off course we need a break and any man that wants to tell you differently is selfish, full stop... We're not machines.

If he needs it for emotional reasons then tell him to attend councelling, intimacy, cuddles, hugs, the words I love you are (intimacy), bonding, loving and giving....

As for 3 days on, 4 days, off, visa versa, not helping or lifting a hand ever in the household, most people work 5 days, 6 days a week and with a committed relationship, they share responsibilities.. You work.. and then some, what about your needs?

I don't care what anyone says, this man is selfish full stop... He won't contribute to the household chores, and "argues with you over you trying to get him to do just something, like putting the washing on - chores"... He gets mad over having to do so and throws to you that sex is "your chore" to him...

Your married to a man that is in-secure, selfish, opinionated and whether he has a higher sex drive than you, if your giving up 5 times, in the 3 days that he's home and that's still not enough, when he approaches you for the 6th, and there is no understanding that your sore, and he gets upset about it and angry, then he's selfish, a REAL MAN, understands that's perfectly natural and that sex is NOT A CHORE.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Or he would work 4 days and have 3 days off. Basically, each week he had 3 to 4 days off. He did nothing to contribute to the household. During that time I worked 2 jobs, was in school full time, and was president of two clubs. I had to do all the bill paying, housework, grocery shopping, etc. All because his days off were for him to do whatever he wanted to do

Last week, we had sex Tuesday, twice Wednesday, Thursday, and twice Friday and Saturday afternoon. Saturday night I wanted a break. I wasn't in the mood.

So, Jamie....tell us...

What other "intimate things does he do with you"?

How do you feel, having "sex" 6 times in the 3 days off, ie) is it purely to satisfy him, so he doesn't get upset?

What does he do that you love about him?

What was the last present he gave you, or suprise?

Is he intimate with you before, sex, kissing, foreplay?

WHAT is it that you love about this man? Or is it, that he is all you know and are used to.

Don't you get drained, exhausted, working all those hours, then working more hours at home, doing chores?

Don't you feel slightly resentful that he's sitting back, doing nothing when he gets home, relaxing, feeling relaxed, energetic and ready for sex, whilst your exhausted?

Does, he give you a massage, run you a bath, understand your exhaustion?

Kind of know the answers but if you don't mind, I'd like to know from you.

CW

[Jaime]

Since being home and having his eyes opened to his selfishness, he has been cleaning, cooking, helping with the kids, massages, holding, snuggling, etc. He has been working hard to relieve the stress I have. He isn't working anymore so he is taking the role as house husband seriously. I think he understands that I can't be in the mood if I am stressed out trying to figure out how to get stuff done. Aside from the getting upset Saturday, he has been great. He has a lot of making up to do. All these years, he thought he was a good husband. He says that he realizes now that he has been a total . Over the years, i have tried a hundred ways to tell him I need help and support. He never did anything that I needed. Right now, however, he is doing good. I don't know how long it is going to last. Even with all the pressure off of me, I can't be in the mood all the time. That is what I am hung up on. How do I get him to understand that I shouldn't have to perform every time he wants it? What words do I need to use to explain to him that I am not rejecting him that I just want to rest?