Having issues with his ex-wife..could cause me to walk

[kailua]

Ok...sorry but arghhhhhh...I can't believe her and I wish I could ask her to just stop.
My husband's ex wife is a thorn, that I would like to pull out and toss. I do not have a lot to do with her, in the sense of my stepgirls. Schedules etc. is something that they work out, just as I do with my ex and kids. My hubby and I always make our schedules work. Although she does not seem to care, that we also work, have more kids schedules to work with, she thinks we can stop everything and jump for her. A couple of weeks ago, she called to find out if we could pick them up from school and drop them at her place, as she had an incident happen at work. Well, my man had to work, so I had to go and get them, so 3 hours later I got home. Meanwhile, she could of asked her bf, as much as I understand they are my mans kids, he told her that it was going to be difficult, was there not another person she could call.
Today was his youngest bday party. His ex saw my boots and commented about a pair of boots my husband bought her years ago, that you can only get in Europe, and described them to me, making sure I knew my hubby bought them. She can certainly tell me about the boots, but did she really need to tell me that my husband bought them for her years ago? What was her motive? She did not invite her bf to the party, which is so common, she never invites her bf, even though everyone knows him or about him. While we are at the party, she could of asked me but she asked him to video tape part of the party. She continues to call him by the nickname she used to call him, and then she starts to speak Indonesian to him (that is where she is from), he then responds in Indonesian, and no one knows what they are talking about. Then she goes off as if it is not a big deal....what is going on?
This makes me want to leave my marriage, which is totally not fair, nor what I would be happy with. The only person who seems to understand the awkwardness, is my hubby's aunt. I have mentioned to him, and he tells me it has been so long that they have not been together, that she is just another person. How can I express to him, without him saying it's really nothing, get over it...I am also upset, cause my husband and I are trying to save money to take the all 5 of our kids on vacation, plus buy a house, so my husband has yet to buy me anything like that...which truly hurts, it's almost like a "dig" "he bought me them and not you nanana"....
What can I do? Am I being too sensitive?
I pray that it does not come down to me leaving!!!

[KMonte85]

It sounds like you might be a little sensitive to the issue if this is causing you to think about leaving your husband! Absolutely, it is frustrating and aggravating... but to throw it all away over this? That seems a bit much.

Maybe it will help you to think that the gifts he bought his ex were frivolous, and obviously did nothing to keep their relationship intact? He is not buying you expensive trinkets because you are saving for a home for your family, and a great trip! Things that are far more important than a pair of European boots. What seems more thoughtful to you?

If she says these silly things to you when you are together, mention that although glitzy gifts and trinkets are nice, you both have decided to spend your money on things that are more important, things that will create a family dynamic and will give you great pleasure for years to come.


As for her inconsiderate demands that can sometimes cause a hiccup in your daily plans (like unexpectedly having to pick up the kids). This is all part of being a blended family.... I doubt this will really change, but you can ask yourself. Will those three hours the unexpected trip took you matter in 5 years? Will you actually remember that this happened a year from now? No? Then get over it. Life is too short to worry about these things.

However, ask yourself if divorcing your husband and dissolving from the family will be something you will remember in 5 years? What is more severe, dealing with an annoying ex, or changing your entire life and leaving someone you love for good?

Please reconsider what you are thinking of doing. You are frustrated and emotions are high now. Don't do something in haste because you are angry!