What's wrong with me?

[bumblebee2004]

For about the last two years some parts of my life have completely turned upside down. It all started with getting pregnant at 21 and having an abortion, a decision I was and still am ok with. I was a full-time student with excellent grades who just stopped attedning classes. Every trimester I register for my classes and really think I'm going to do well and 4 weeks into it I'm not going to any of them and don't know how to get back on the right track. I've lost almost all interest in doing things I once loved to do. I was a social butterfly and now I've lost pretty much all of my friends because I can't even bring myself to pick up the telephone to call them back. The only thing that has remained ok is my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. He knows nothing about what I'm feeling and I feel so alone and trapped. I lie to everyone about going to school...even so far as to have my boyfriend drop me off at class. (he thinks I'm there and I really sit in the computer lab bc I've missed so many classes I can't attend anymore) I've never been a liar, nor do I want to be. I sleep late every single day. I have absolutly no motivation and thats all I want. I want to be normal again, I want to do the things I love and more importantly I want to have my friends back and finish up my BA. At the rate I'm going now it's looks like none of that is going to happen. Am I depressed???? I just don't know where to begin...this has gone on way too long and I can't live my life like this. Does anyone have any suggestions as to where I start?...and mind you I have tried so many times to wake up early call my friends go to classes...it just all ends up coming back to where I am today.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think somewhere along the line you had enough of everything, even the things you enjoyed, overload and your body needed rest but now it's in a rut and can't get out..

I also think the intial thought of being pregnant and the fact that had you had gone through with it, as you were making your decision, all the things came to light that you would no longer be able to do such as classes, going out with friends, these seem to be the things your now throwing away, as if sub-consciously you are still pregnant.

I'm not playing Matha here, but I am thinking in the back of your mind it had an effect on you even if you are okay with the decision that you made. And, that's what's happening...

You may need to just have a couple of sessions in councelling to just let things out and get to the root of it. Often we think we are fine and everything is okay, only to work out through talking that "wait a minute, I didn't realise sub-consciously I hadn't let go", blocked thoughts another words that we aren't realising that we blocked.

CW

[curious200]

The symptoms you describe sound like depression to me (although only a Dr. or therapist can diagnose it). I experience the same things (difficulty getting up in the morning, lack of desire to call my friends back, lack of motivation to do things that I really do want to do...). Regardless of whether you're clinically depressed or not, this is obviously disrupting your life and making you anxious, and that's good reason to speak to a professional about it. They can help you figure out whether it's depression or not and then help you accordingly (but it sounds to me like it is...). Good luck!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Bumblebee...... bringing up your thread for other's to reply ....

CW