bi-sexual

**heatherkazek** · 11-04-2009 03:24 PM

OK so I wanted to get some information on being bi-sexual. My daughter for three years has been telling me she likes guys and girls, she is now 15, so it has been going on since she was 12 but honestly I think it was before that.

She has a "girlfriend", a nice kid and all. I like her too. Don't get me wrong, she had a boyfriend for the last two years...I never took that relationship too serious cause they were off and on all the time. All of a sudden this girl came to stay the weekend a few weeks ago and now they are going together.

Do I mind?? No not really but honestly I have never been exposed to this life style....the only thing I did tell her about it is that if they continued to date the girl could not come over and spend the night. My daughter threw a little fit until I said to her..."Listen, do you think the situation would be any different if you were dating a boy? Would I let a boyfriend stay the night?". She of course said "No you wouldn't let them". So I in turn say to her "Ok then so what makes this situation any different?" Needless to say she now understands that the situation is no different.

I guess I just don't know what else to expect. I asked her if they were telling anyone that they go to school with and she said no not right now. Which in a way I understand because I don't want either one of them hurt by others either but then again I have always told her never to be afraid of what others think, all that matters is what she thinks of herself and to heck with the rest of them.

Anyhow I am not sure this is something that will continue...do you think it will considering its went on for three years?? If so is there something I should know about being bi-sexual that I don't know.....this is hard for me because I have always protected her and I feel like she is walking into something that she will need protection against and I won't be able to do it this time. I know that I can't protect her all the time, I'm no fool but is there something I can tell her or teach her that will benefit her in the long run about others and the way she is going to be viewed and treated??

I hope all I wrote makes sense and will appreciate all the feedback...thank you

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-04-2009 03:34 PM

I think it's great when a Mother and Daughter can communicate in the way that you both do and that you accept your child for who she is... It's important.

Whilst your correct with be yourself and who cares what anyone thinks. I would engage her in self defense courses.

There may be some tough bullies (females) at school, and she may need to protect herself one day in the future, perhaps she should keep this to herself for the time being whilst learning, self defense.

Other than that, most bi-sexuals that I know of and or have read about, as females, tend to go one way or the other, there's no guessing which way that would be, only time will tell...Love is love and she will find her way as to which she prefers as time goes on.....

CW

**Mes T** · 11-04-2009 05:00 PM

Aw.

What a great mom!!

I think people, especially young ones, are a lot more accepting of this kind of thing nowadays, and I don't think she'll have much problem at school. I mean, kids get bullied for all sorts of reasons - weight, height, looks, family, music preferences... the list goes on and on, and I think sexual preferences don't have any more or less weight than those other things.

**WildChild** · 11-04-2009 05:27 PM

It's pretty normal these days. Quite few of my daughter's friends seemed to alternate between boys and girls and at least where we live it isn't a big deal. Now that they have all hit college they seem to have mostly drifted out of it and settled on boys with a few who are more into girls.

As far as spending the night, I don't know. I never saw it as my role to control my kids sexuality or exploration but just to help ensure it was safe physically and emotionally. Seems to have gone fine with my daughter. My son the sports and science nut, at nearly 16, has good freinds who are girls but no girlfreind. That is fine. No rush.

**heatherkazek** · 11-05-2009 06:29 AM

thanx everyone for the replies...i cant believe how normal it is nowadays for the kids to like both sexes...well i guess not that it is so normal but for it to be so open i guess. growing up we didnt talk about this kind of stuff back then even with it going on but behind closed doors....im glad the kids now feel like they have that choice and dont have to struggle like those i know to keep it "quiet"....well either way i hope my daughter is happy and thanx again all.

**rcoreyus** · 11-05-2009 09:54 AM

I think you are doing the right things. She is still young, and there is plenty of time for her to figure out what she wants - and it sounds like you will be able to accept whatever that is. I think it is much better for people to experiment when they are young, than to realize 20 years into a relationship that they aren't happy.

If she is lesbian / bi, social acceptance will depend a lot on where you live. Here in the SF bay area, I'm sort of embarrassed to admit that I'm straight. In the mid-west things can be different. If you are not in the US, then opinions are all over the map.

From a practical point of view- at least with other girls she won't accidentally get pregnant.

**ThexMrs** · 11-05-2009 05:07 PM

First of all I want to say that I think you are a great mother. You are handling this way better than my mother did. Actually, after telling her that I kissed a girl (I was of age) she was so grossed out that I couldn't tell her that I really like women as well as men. I was raised very religiously so it's not acceptable to her. I do think that she would love me anyways but I don't want to have her looking at me differently.

As for if this will continue... Who knows? This very well may be a phase. When I was her age I wasn't interested in women. This happened later on in my life. Luckily because I wasn't young, I wasn't confused when it did happen.

My little cousin went through this at the age of 15. She's now almost 17. She did it for attention mostly at school. It turned the guys on and in turn all eyes focused on her. It didn't take her long to realize that she wasn't into women but she still continued to say she was bi.

The only thing that I think you can do is support her. When she needs to talk, hear her out. The way that the world views it is different and they may have some struggles if you don't live in an open minded community. However, it's just like dating a boy. There are ups and downs, heartbreak and everything that goes into a "normal" (for lack of a better word) relationship.

On a little bit of a humerous note... As long as she has a girlfriend, she won't end up pregnany.

I think you're doing just fine.

**OG612** · 11-05-2009 06:22 PM

Bisexuality is actually part of the feminine genome. Because women have a chromosome that men don't, it enables them to see things both ways and to be aroused by it as well.

This isn't just your daughter or some cultural phenomenon they picked up on MTV. It's all women. Some embrace it and live it. Some just flaunt it at bars to make the poor chumps' jaw drop. Others don't like it and would never go that way.

It's just who your daughter is. In a few years she may prefer guys to girls. Just accept your daughter and her sexuality. Let her know that regardless of who she's dating (guy or girl) you'll always love her and be supportive of her.

OG

**heatherkazek** · 11-06-2009 10:46 AM

I have already accepted her....I did that the day she was born. It matters not, at least to me, if this is how she lives her life. I am fine with it and I tell her how I feel when we discuss her life and where it is going.

Again, thank you everyone for the post..they mean ever so much!!!

**heatherkazek** · 11-08-2009 08:53 PM

does anyone have ideas on how feminism plays into bisexualism??? Im doing a paper for college about femininity and bisexuality....how they cross each other, if they do...thanx all!!!